Revolution In Print

MOVING OUT...

2005-11-26T20:55:00.000-08:00

I AM MOVING ON TO A GREENER PASTURE...

Check it out here... "Real Recognize Real"

"Just A Moment"

2005-09-08T15:25:00.000-07:00

-- September 8th, 2005 --

This is a quick PSA post...

First, I am in need of some assistance fellow Bloggers -- I am looking to change the look on this site and would like to know what I can do and if anyone would be able to help a brotha out? I need a new outlook and a blogroll so the cats who support me, I can do the same.

What's next on the agenda? I'm going to get into the mix with Bush, Condi, Haliburton, and the rest of those pricks. For those who really appreciate it -- heh, heh -- going give an ode to the Missus. I'm going to try and update more and more as time permits -- but I be a busy homie. Right now the focus is changing up the site. Peace. Suggestions needed.

"Theories & Thoughts"

2005-08-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

-- August 31st, 2005 --

I have a theory -- it may be shocking to a few, but nothing new to the rest.

...George Bush is behind Hurricane Katrina's destruction.

Think about it -- since he's been in office we've had some of the most devastating events that have happened... EVER!

From 9/11 to the mudslides in California to the Aruba chick missing to those guys who put out that movie "National Treasure" with what's-his-face -- Bush is responsible. So, how can he not be behind Katrina?

"Tough Times Ahead"

2005-08-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

-- August 31st, 2005 --

Let me take out this time to send out prayers and wishes to those who have suffered in Hurricane Katrina's wake. I, personally, have family in New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and Mississippi [practically all] and even though we're not as close as family should be -- I pray that you are all safe and sound.

Because of punk-ass Katrina, the folks up North and to the West, must now suffer. I haven't driven my car since the end of July till this present moment. I probably will not drive my car unless absolutely necessary. Gas prices capped at $3.09 where I am at -- $3.24 and above in Cleveland. I was supposed to see the in-laws [Family] this weekend and it doesn't seem to be happening for fear of not being able to ever return because gas prices are so high.

As I have become older, my focus has shifted from legos to buying the hottest clothes to wondering how good my credit rating is. Although I have yet to get out all of my habits [you can't live without a PS2 or a PS3] -- money is indeed a serious topic. Where I am at, right now, in my life -- I feel like I'm robbing Peter just to pay Paul and I'm still broke in the end.

What can you do when you can only rub two nickels together and only pray for some more loose change? College -- hell, this adult thing -- is a drain. Between books, supplies, and the occasional need to eat -- this gas hike is one more headache not needed.

-- Sorry about not adding on further about the Latoyia Figueroa story, I am working on it. --

On a final note: Keep up the good work, Lady Love -- go for the gusto!

"At A Loss For Words"

2005-08-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

-- August 21st, 2005 --

It's a got dern shame... This woman has gone missing for quite some time and there has been very little to no press concerning the issue. Yet, the Aruba girl is still missing and it's all over the major media outlets. That is not right! There shouldn't be a standard set on who can be found and who can't.

I'll be back later with more on this subject. Oh... sorry that it's late -- I would've posted it when it first broke, but I wasn't around a computer.

"Better Dayz"

2005-08-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

-- August 17th, 2005 --

So, I guess that if the judge doesn't think he's a murderer... then maybe... just maybe I can cut him some slack. Things seem to be on the up and up, not just for Philadelphia's favorite hustler. But it also seems to be going good for the people in Atlantic City that can be able to live like like the Greatest Hustler to ever do it... Jay-Z.

Someone who isn't doing too well is everyone's favorite emcee -- Gucci Mane! I know he has to be fuming right now that his archnemisis Young Cheesy.. I mean Jeezy... has a hot burner with Jay-Z called, "Go Crazy" (Remix). Speaking of Def Jam -- it's amazing how catz don't honor Hip-Hop no more... that is IF this is true. These two boys should be ashamed of themselves.

That joint they "collaborated" on is indeed a hot one. If it comes out that it's not really their property... I predict a major fall from grace, and no Jesus Walks piece can save 'em.

Better days are to be had by friends and family alike -- my one-and-only, Ms. G-Money the Diva is working hard on her documentary, so continue to keep her in your prayers and please support the Black Filmmaking community. My ace boon -- Kent Lucas is chillin' with me as I write this. He's working on some hot material. He goes by the alias of 'Nuff Sed... so if he continues the progress that he's been making -- please support. Blitz -- the real People's champ -- is going to begin his tour. The album drops soon -- Sept. 27th, please cop conscious music. It gives Common a serious run for his money. It couldn't even "be" much better than anticipated [corny pun intended].

Better days are to be had by myself -- as you can see by the links at the top that your boy has been putting in some type of work. More work is necessary if success is to be attained. But I'm feeling the comradery that I get from new friends and haters alike. This is a new terrain that I'm venturing into and I'm learning the ropes as I traverse the barren plain.

"Show & Tell"

2005-08-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

-- August 14th, 2005 --

Be on the lookout of that remix to "Go" -- produced by Jay Dee and featuring D'Angelo. Y'all ladies are definitely looking to see that in the video aren't cha?! When someone loves you enough to hurt your feelings because they see the best in you not being utilized -- it's a beautiful thang.

D-12 hasn't been making major moves, but... Proof and Bizarre actually have somewhat good albums. I don't want to jinx myself, but I have to enjoy this grindin' that I am doing. Major connections have been made.

I don't know if people have seen this -- but it seems to cause quite a stir of controversy. My man, Bomani got something to say about it here.

Moving on...

So Chappelle isn't returning at all -- sounds so sad. There are a few shows that are going for the comedy crown. Nick Cannon's "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"-inspired show... "Wildin' Out" and of course... "Being Bobby Brown."

This post really doesn't have much to do about anything than just having some updates and some coming attractions. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous -- and be on the lookout for an interview with the lover of all things thug -- Sharissa and hopefully, HOPEFULLY -- Lyfe. Stay on the grind.

"You Show Me Something & I'll Tell You Like It Is..."

2005-08-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

-- August 6th, 2005 --

That is what kept ringing in my head as I made my journey to the Student Center. "You show me something and I'll tell you like it is..." This will probably be my last blog post for awhile -- and I'm not saying that just so y'all can hit me up with replies. I have been held down for a long time in my life. Not by anyone but the man in the mirror. I've used crutches, excuses, and the like to make it up in my mind that I ain't shit. I cannot continue to think, feel, and act like this for it not only poisons my accomplishments, but it also pollutes the ones who I admire most in my life. Would Will ever tell Jada, "Baby, you had multi-million dollar success with the Matrix, but I didn't crack shit with Hitch -- so I'm just going to give up?" Hell to the nah!!! He continues because his passion and her passion are just alike.

I love this writing shit. I love the experiences that it has cultivated and the connections that have been established from just putting pen to pad. I do not think that I am the best -- but I do believe that this is my talent. But I must sober up. I am a drunk. Someone who is intoxicated from other's hard work. From Blitz to Ms. Steele to G-Money -- I have been sippin' the sweet taste of their success. Not like I've kicked the bottle of my own coattails -- I still highlight the work that I do on the net with Allhiphop or SOHH.com. But with those come slight glances as to what I can do if I really believe. I rarely believed that I could make it. I shortchanged myself ever since I was a teen, because I didn't know. Truth of the matter, it wasn't in me to find out. The motivation has been presence only in flashes and left as such. My parents have said that for at least a decade. "I wish that you had some of the drive to make it," or "You have the potential, now only if you had the drive to complete it."

I am a writer -- who hasn't challenged himself to truly get better. Have not read books to continue to expand my vocabulary, who hasn't even taken workshops to see if I can see a different way to approach a subject. My cop-out has always been that I didn't know. I didn't know was either a way for me to elaborate on why something wasn't completed or why something wasn't learned. I am a dreamer. In love with the world unfazed by reality -- which is why I am weak in most areas. I have a wake-up call. Truth hurts when it is from the voice of someone you admire. From Blitz to Ms. Steele to G-Money -- they all have said in reference to what they see Kevin as versus what Kevin could be accomplishing.

I thought to myself at a young age that I wouldn't die in Kent like my peers. I wouldn't be in Kent past a certain age because all of my "friends" were still here. At soon-to-be 23, I feel that I am doing good on accomplishing that goal. But... it. is. not. enough. The fire in me was ignited, truly, by Ms. G-Money's challenge of challenging one's self to be better. That was mid-December of 2004 and from that point on I have done more things in eight months with my writing than I have ever done just milling around getting remarks just because I could. From my first piece in HipHopDX.com to my latest one at SOHH.com -- I have been able to defy my own limitations that I didn't even see because I enjoyed what it was that I am doing. I have ever article I have written from then on saved, not only because it's what you should do, but because those are people who I can say, "Kevin has personally talked to..."

I am inspired by the accomplishments as others and use it as a tool or substance in which to validate or manifest my own destiny. Whereas, that is somewhat what we all do in our life -- I have yet to understand my own clock. What drives me to be me? I have a fear of failure, it hinders me from even trying some times because I do not want the rejection. I have a need to be wanted -- growing up I never felt "wanted", I have only felt as if I was there to be a follower. I felt that I knew everything and that was even wrong because when it came time to learn something, I was conceited enough to believe that I already was on top of the game. I believe that once you have someone who matches up and is there, TRULY there to ensure the growth of a union -- then changes will have to be made.

But this is one that I need to do for self. This is a journey that I need to have understood so that I, as a man, can truly become one. I am not independent of my parents [not to the extent that I should be at almost 23]. I want to be the person that I portray on Life's TV. In some regards, I am -- vibrant, strong, committed, earnest, and the like. But it amounts to shit if you aren't pursuing something. I cannot continue to praise the accomplishments of others without creating my own to be praised for self. The previous works, albeit worthwhile, are not unique to anyone. If I do an interview with Proof of D-12 for SOHH.com, chances are Allhiphop.com is in the works of doing one too. So what is unique about that? What is unique about me?

My desire is to be a great and accomplished writer -- not just in the vein of magazines, but anywhere that talent takes me. My loves are my influences. Television, the Internet, Radio, Music and Movies are all the things that encompass my culture.

I am complacent. I am so sure that this string of luck will continue that I do not make an avenue to create a new one if the other falls short. I did have it in me to discontinue my relationship with a certian online publication because it was raping me and others were providing better challenges. But I cannot continue to live being defined by mediocrity and passing it off as being the best. Whether that is fishing for compliments from the missing or assignment dropping to my friends just for the sake of hearing a "Wow." I do not want to die living in Kent, I do not want to live the rest of my days wondering, "What if?" I do not want to allow the woman in my life to feel as if she is dealing with someone who is afraid to pursue. Especially when I pursued her!!! It all revolves. And in the end it all boils down to myself -- what drives me? Is it to be the best, I feel so -- I do have a competitive spirit. But is it the best that I am doing or just settling for what is offered at the time? If so, how do you surpass what is being given to you and make a mountain out of a mole hill?

"Hey, Hey, Hey... It's A New Day!!!"

2005-08-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

-- August 1st, 2005 --

It's the first of the month... wake up, wake up, wake up! How is everything going for everyone? As we are half-way through the third quarter of the year, I take this time out to congratulate any and everyone for any and everything that they have accomplished as-to-date.

Moving on... it's a brand new day! Having a new outlook on life is a beautiful thing, isn't it? I love my wife-to-be more and more with each passing nanosecond. She is the one for me. Besides being enamored with the future Mrs. Clark -- what else is new with your boy?

I know it's old news now but -- you know the reign is over. Hey, Big Tigger isn't doing such a bad job. Julissa... hmm.. what can I say about Julissa -- she is okay. She's easing into her role right now.

I just began my stint as Junior Writer at SOHH.com. SOHH... [heh, heh] I am blessed. I am so blessed to have people in my life who are looking out for me and want me to be successful. The woman in my corner is a strong, faithful, beautiful woman. We have our issues, our fights -- as anyone would do... but she is there. Fighting in my corner. An attribute that I respect. Today is a new day dawning and while I have your attention -- I would like to say to my reading audience that G-Money the Diva is the one for me.

"An Experience To Remember"

2005-07-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

-- July 24th, 2005 --

A relationship is an experience to remember. Hell... it's a social experiment in how long and how strong you can experience another person in your life. Being that other part of you. From morning to noon till night, this person is a big part of your inner circle. You never forego your friends or family, but this person becomes so... much... more.

People will change once you presence this person, whom you believe to be the one. A part of you will indeed change as will your companion. Your family may or may not be pleased with the decision that you make. If your family is anywhere like my family is -- then that is definitely not a good thing. During the course of this relationship, you will go through the trials and tribulations of dealing with the responsibility that is -- dealing with one another.

There are going to be wants, needs, and desires that are going to have to be fulfilled one way or another. Some may be changes that you had never done before. For myself, I feel that for love, I have made some significant changes that benefitted my experience positively. The key thing to acknowledge is -- YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES! The point to remember is that if you learn from your mistakes and keep them from happening again -- it should keep happiness in your home.

Communication is a two-way street. One of the things that I learned is that I may be able to be open with the one I love, I may even be able to accept criticism from her -- but if the fire gets hot and you are always looking for the fire escape instead of the fire extinguisher, then something drastically needs to change. I am in the process of changing that. My ego is another thing. As anyone would know -- the male ego is a fortress, easily bruised. I can no longer feel as if I have to be right.

A relationship is an experience to remember. Remember that and you'll continue to have a lifetime of memories to relish.

"Just A Lil' Bit..."

2005-07-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

-- July 18th, 2005 --

Eminem retires?!!? Wow... whoddathunkit? He can still lightweight spit that fire, but it's surprising that he said that "Encore" was his last effort. Will we continue to hear blazing 16's from him like this guy does?

Wow... I see that a lot of people actually hit me up when I said that I wouldn't be coming back to this place for a minute. I'm still stickin' to the script. It's just that I had some thangs on my mind and would hope that the same turnout I had when I said that I'd be on hiatus is the same that I would have now.

I will be in pre-trial tomorrow. For those who don't know the story... there it is! I pray that all goes well tomorrow. This has been a year and some change in progress and now it's winding down to the final verdict. If all goes well, K-Star the Great can at least put his feet up and breathe easy. Moving on -- word on the street is that the City is awaiting the arrival of that power couple. Well... it's true -- New York City... STAND UP! It'll be almost a year (wow, how time flies...) since I was up there. Geez... last year when I went, my friend Ms. Steele and I were trying to see a free show in Central Park with this movie star performing. Lo and behold, he'll be there with a few friends performing for Black August.

For those who read this and for those who just glance -- let me take the time to thank you all for taking the time out to view this page, nonetheless. A round of applause is in order!

A special shoutout to you. You who are the one who makes things go so smoothly. You are the one who is the driving force behind this powerhouse. As they say, "Behind every strong black man is a strong black woman.." Well, you are all around me -- in front, behind, on both sides, above and below. You are the truth. You have accomplished so much at so young of an age -- have so long to go. You are love. Your goals are attainable and I appreciate so much of what you have given me. The love for you... that I have has never lessened. It is strengthened each and every second while we're together. In so many words... you are love... my Lady Love, and I love my Lady Love.

What's Next?! -- Pre-Trial... Namecalling... and maybe I'll put that Rhymefest Interview in since it didn't run anywhere. When will it appear? Be on the lookout.

"No Title..."

2005-07-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

-- July 12th, 2005 --

I know, I know... my posts are becoming far and fewer in-between. There are no excuses -- it's an annoyance when folks aren't coming to check out your spot. Those who have remained loyal, thank you for your comments and criticisms.

Hood Grown Magazine - July/August issue drops soon near you! Allhiphop.com should be running my piece as soon as it is completed. For those who subscribe to HHN (Hip-Hop Newsletter) -- my column runs there monthly as well as interviews with SunNY and Buckshot. I have one more piece that I'm working on, but I'm going to try and keep that in the bag. Hopefully, the one that I want to have it will take it and do it justice. But for now...

...with pre-trial coming up soon, the actual trial to follow soon afterwards -- Summer III classes, Fall semester is also rapidly approaching. Enjoying my relationship, working my ass off. One of my nephew's has a birthday coming up -- I'm pressed for time. So, I'm not shutting down -- I'm hopefully going to be in the progress of moving the site soon. But for now, I'm going to take a brief hiatus. Keep up the good work out there! Be Blessed & Stay Righteous.

K-Star The Great...

"A House is Not A Home"

2005-07-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

-- July 1st, 2005 --

I want to say, "Happy Birthday," to my Dad. Today is his birthday and although he never really reads this site -- I just want to acknowledge him.

R.I.P. Mr. Luther Vandross

I don't know about you... but this is just bananas. I guess it was his time to go, but you know man never is happy with God's decision. Luther tried to fight until he couldn't go no more. We'll miss you. My parents' generation loved you -- all respected and admired you, Mr. Vandross.

Also... R.I.P. to Colleek D. Luckie. For those who may or may not know you can check the story here. He was Jay-Z's nephew... many have heard the G.O.A.T. shout him out in many songs -- most notably, "Heart of the City" (Ain't No Love) from the Blueprint Album.

All these souls onward there way home. God bless them for the life they've lived and the life they'll live amongst the Lord. Amen.

To all those -- hug and love one another. You never know when you're name'll be called. Be Blessed & Stay Righteous.

"UPDATES"

2005-06-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

-- June 29th/30th, 2005 --

First things first -- the missus and I will be attending the debut of H.G. Wells classic nove -- "War of the Worlds" -- adapted into a film by Steven Spielberg and starring Tom Holmes, I mean Cruise... Will give an update tomorrow about the film.

Next, I am proud to say that I got a gig writing for Allhiphop.com. I will be a contributing writer to the Breeding Grounds section of the site. A big step forward for me. I also got a column ("Revolutionary Thoughts") running at HHN -- if you want some more info about where you can go to read that, just hit me up at my email address.

U P D A T E

Went to go see "War of the Worlds" was sadly disappointed. Worth the admission of seeing if you're a die-hard Tom Cruise fan. But if you are the one who wants to see an enjoyable movie, either go see this with a bunch of friends so it can least be entertained by more than yourself... or... just wait till it comes out on that good ole' DVD. I won't be the one to spoil it for you, just know that it is definitely what you'll expect the ending to be -- PLUS -- towards the end the film just plain comes up lacking.

What else is new with your boy -- myself and the missus are doing very well, beautiful as always, nah'mean. We're not always on the same page -- but we're reading the same book. Also, be on the lookout for the new June issue of Hood Grown Magazine. You can get a sneak peak of the article that I wrote right here... "Baylo Entertainment".

Also, congratulations to my lil' sister getting her apartment, she's finally moving in today (July 1st) and I know that she is happy because she doesn't have to come back to Kent for nothing. Myself and the missus also took a few new pictures for your enjoyment. You'll be able to see them here -- on Revolutionary Thoughts -- as soon as I know how to do that whole slideshow business.

Aside from the Allhiphop.com gig, I got a gig writing for HHN. For those who may or may not know it's a Hip-Hop Newsletter that is email to some 90,000 subscribed readers. I have my own column there. Seems nice for the time being, but as to date dealing with on-line Hip-Hop publications have proved to have its own share of headaches.

The missus and I also went to go see the movie, "Rize"...

Well... all I can say is that you have to see it to believe it. The character development and historical correlation between krumping and African dancing were two of the high points in the documentary. Sorry if I am spoiling it for those who haven't seen it. But I would give this a 2.5 out of 5. The DVD, hopefully, will be better. You know how DVDs now have all the extras in the known universe. "Rize" won't disappoint me in that matter. Also, a message to G-Money -- "Your man would LOVE to see 'Batman Begins'... make it official..." Hahahaha...

With the fourth of July approaching is anyone really questioning our own freedom that we have here in the States. Bush and his cronies are still pimpin' 9/11/2001 for all that it's worth. Did anyone else besides me saw his speech? It seemed as if we were just coming out of 2001, instead of being in 2005. Wasn't the original reason behind all this was to get bin Laden? I mean to this date -- I still don't know where the hunt for Osama ended and the path of destruction known as Iraqi: Operation Liberation began?!!? The reason behind the lackadasical effort in trying to find Osama bin Laden? It's probably because he's still on U.S. payroll. Bush is a bitch and he should know this. But -- so are the American people... because we all complained about what he's done and is doing and haven't lifted a FINGER to protest or castrate this man's power.

Enough of that...

I'm going to end this by saying that like 2004, 2005 has been a great and envigorating year. I can wait to get into 2006. For those who are here locally, be on the lookout for that new issue of UHURU in the Fall. Spring will show a change... not only in the weather, but in terms of In-Chief status. Keep your heads above water -- gas prices aren't getting any cheaper, you hear me?! Peace...

"Aspirations"

2005-06-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

-- June 11th, 2005 --

In this life you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. In these past two years, I have been blessed to be able to form relationships with people who are doing something with themselves. In some regards, I have been able to do the same. So in that sense, I am blessed as well.

The only fear that I have is... "making it" -- which is interesting because the people who encompass my circle express no fear, only an absolute concrete belief that it is truly a matter of time when it will be what it is. G.P., Blitz, Danya, Kim -- they all in one way or another have their plans in action. I am worried that I will fall short behind those who I am associated with. Excuses are intolerable -- you have read stories or known someone who has been from Smalltown, U.S.A. to make it bigger than big. So with me being from Nowheresville, Ohio -- is not excuse. Knowledge is the thing that I lack. With such an abundance of it in the form of the Internet, books, even television -- I don't know what the problem really is.

In these days and times it is success that is highlighted everywhere. You can look anywhere; music, television, magazines -- it all screams that you have to be a somebody or else you're a nobody. I think that this should trouble the youth of America. It places a value that you have to be a "personality" instead of being an individual. Question: Would you rather be a Doctor or Dr. Dre? Would you rather be a janitor or Michael Jordan? I mean -- honestly, I'd take Jay-Z lifestyle and prestige over going to my college classes any day. But why? How did it become that way? I mean, I love the media -- I love the message that it delivers when it is honest and pure. I believe nowadays the media isn't fair and balanced. Netscape.com reported a few days ago that journalists are a part of the least respected jobs in America. Firefighters and Scientists being the number one and two professions. Now, mind you -- that is respected not desired...

All I would like is to be able to have the focus and discipline to be able to accomplish the goals that I am beginning to set forth for myself... AND... to be able to be respected for it. I do not want to be the one left behind due to ignorance and negligence. I have hangups about a few things in my life aside from whether or not the rest of my existence will depend on having a day job (9 to 5) or will I be living the life of a true entrepreneur. Such as -- will my relationship not be like others in present-day 21st century?

Hardly do you hear about marriages that last -- this world today seems to thrive from negativity. Fights on "Real World," paternity tests on "Maury Povich," random acts of violence on the morning, afternoon, AND evening news -- it is like you cannot escape the inevitable. I am only hoping that my relationship does not fall into that same basket. I love my girlfriend, it is to be our anniversary on Sunday. I begin to think to myself, beginning to hope and pray that God has great things in store for her and I and that I am able to make this last. I am a burden to deal with, everyone knows that, and I am trying to work in the best interests of my girlfriend -- and neglecting my own. Is it a sacrifice? Or is it not letting the one you love in? I don't know.

What I do know is that I love my girlfriend and have bent over backwards to make sure that she has a smile on her face. She is my heart. And I love her. I aspire to give her the World.

"It's Yer Berfday..."

2005-06-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

-- June 6th, 2005 --

I know it is a day early, but hey -- would you rather it be late, my dear? Tomorrow will be a busy day.

Life and Love are two of the most strangest things ever created. I mean you can never fully understand either one and only know that with it you can experience the world and without it you're in a cold, dark, and lonely place. It's unique to hear yourself speak about the future. It's like you're bringing it into reality with your thoughts. The passion that one speaks about having a future (whether it's with someone or for yourself) is strong. It hints at the truth that resides in that person.

I crave to create a future with the woman who is in my life. It will be the first of many more birthday's to come and I will be spending it with her. A beautiful thing, yes indeedy, when talking about new horizons with that special person in your life. Collectively, as a group, thinking about and establishing plans that will benefit both parties as long as each other is willing and able to work and do what is necessary to make it complete.

Kudos to you, Ms. Lady Love -- on reaching another milestone in your illustrious career known as your wife.

Next up -- thoughts about broadening your horizons/accomplishing your dreams.

"Friends, Lovers, & Other Ramblings..."

2005-06-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

-- June 3rd, 2005 --

I know that what you do in the past may come back to bite you in your buttocks, but -- dang, man -- I don't know what I did to get this type of reaction. Maybe I am overreacting to the situation itself. It HAS been a couple of days since it occured... but I just can't help thinking that if there is more that lies beneath the surface. The situation is not one that is really needed to repeat, but I will say that it's never cool to switch roles in the middle of a production. In other words, I don't really know why what occured even happened. So, I pray to God that it doesn't happen because it wasn't cool and it really rubbed me differently.

Love is a powerful and beautiful event when all the players act accordingly. Even when one flubs their lines -- the result is something that is heavenly between those who play their roles. I continuously speak upon the love of the one in my life and I tell her how I feel and what my aspirations are with this relationship. My mentality is now focused on being able to establish a future with her -- not just marriage. I mean -- I am focused on that right now as well, don't get it twisted -- but, I know it is imperative to have some sort of stability planted down besides being under the impression that the love is there deep within our hearts and that we want to spend the rest of our experiences on Earth... together. So... my first goal is to keep my bills down to a minimal and continue to stack chips. I am going to try and limit my splurging and hold back on the cheap talk. If my baby understands that that is what I am trying to do in order to be more responsible and independent (as well as) -- set a path for both of us to be able to live comfortably.

Please believe me, the road to a happy relationship/marriage/et cetera is not paved in gold and platinum. It is a road mired with hard work and dedication. I am dedicated to her more than most people would like. Which is unfortunate to hear -- but all in all, I love her and her heart is what I work towards earning and keeping. I mean in the time that we're together, I still don't feel as if I have her 100%. No, I am not saying that negatively -- I am saying that I challenge myself to keep it fresh between the both of us. Which is what anyone would really want in there relationship.

"Black men walkin' with White girls on they arms,

I be mad at them -- as if I know they moms..."

-- Common "Real People" --

I know that urks me -- does it urk you? I really don't see what all the fascination is with white women. I love my Black women (G.P. specifically) too much to test the waters. Too many sharks infesting (aka the KKK) to even play that route. You see what happened to our stars -- Kobe... O.J. Simpson... Taye Diggs... Cuba Gooding, Jr.? They've all fallen off in one point or the other and it's unfortunate because they could've been somebodies.

Lastly, for my baby -- I know you're reading this (like you always do) -- so here, let me hip you to something.

Jaguar Wright is BACK!!!

Lastly, before I go -- is one of the greatest advocates for the Black cause a homosexual (or bisexual)?!!? If so, does anyone really care?

Until next time folks. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous. Enjoy your summer...

"The End Is Just The Beginning..."

2005-05-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

-- May 30th, 2005 --

Happy Memorial Day to all those who celebrate the occasion. War is not a beautiful thing at all. Too many soldiers dying for a cause that very few believe in. Yes, those men and women are doing their duty, but in the words of System of a Down -- "Why must they send the poor?" Bush is a coward -- for how big he talks, would he have the grapefruits to strap up and duke it out with the big bad terrorists?!! Just food for thought.

Life is a series of mistakes, opportunities, blessings, and fun all blended into a beautiful montage that only lasts as fast as you can blink. I am not a saint, never claimed to be -- only know that I can learn from my mistakes and change my path. What I seen this weekend is that I love Love. I am growing up. Yes, I know -- kind of late, to be 23 more sooner than later and not grown is kind of late blooming, but... better late than never. Family is more important to me than ever. My girlfriend's mother was talking about how her youngest grandson considers me family and whenever to conversations are such -- he interjects my name into the convo. (Good looking out, nephew... only two and you ridin' for those you love, that's a good sign) -- I was looking at this day with a fresh pair of eyes, new senses coursing through my veins. In the end, I saw it as a new beginning -- I love my family... as a whole. Sitting there in the plush seat, being in the company of good people, I thought back to my mother -- wondering what it is that she's doing. Feeling bad that she may be neglected. Not knowing if anyone is there for her. My father works, my sister is not in town, and I am spending my time with my girlfriend's family. She doesn't deserve that -- to be alone. Hell, no one does -- but it's a tug-of-war that I wish never was.

The situation that put things in place where they are is not really the issue -- the point is that they're engrained to the limit where it's concrete. I hate what it is. Dwelling on it now I cannot believe that this is where I am at -- especially at the true "beginning" of my life (which is so beautiful). A cookout could've been had in unison if certain components weren't missing. Ahh... I'm getting off track. Yes... I love my family. Both my own and the one that I wish to be a part of. The only feeling of the blues I have is that neither one can experience the happiness that I have inside for both parties. Will those circumstances that keep those apart ever change? I honestly think not. Sorry, I don't mean to down y'all -- let me get to the nitty-gritty. Today, I felt a part of a collective -- a feeling that I normally do not have when I am in my own residence. Slowly and surely, times are a-changing at my crib as well. The relationship between Ma Dukes and I is getting back to a respectable plateau. Not saying it was on no Ike/Tina biz -- but seeing eye to eye was not our strong characteristic.

I see this only as an end to the immature, irresponsible lifestyle of Mr. Clark... and the beginning of the growth, beautification, mature, responsible, loving legacy of Mr. Clark.

I will leave you with this -- "My dreams shall flourish and my heart shall rise -- in my mind anything is possible. I am grateful for my life. I am blessed to have love. I am who I am, because of God -- and it is His will to make sure that I be the best that I possibly can."

Amen.

"Tag... You're It..."

2005-05-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

-- May 27th, 2005 --

I was tagged by a friend of mines, Dayrell -- while she is out there West Coastin' it. SO... Here goes my top ten favorite things..

Let's get the countdown started off with the number 10...

10. Eating grapes, apples, pears and peaches.
-- Reason being is that I am in the mode to get healthier, so I can live to be 124 and my girlfriend/wife can live to be 124 and 5 months.

9. Going to work at Dairy Mart.
-- I like going because it's third shift, I really don't have to do much of anything... but it's not the best place to be when you want to spend time with that special someone during the weekend.

8. Daydreaming.
-- Ahh, you thought that this would be higher on the list. But alas, it is not. Reason being that although I do enjoy a good relaxing trip through my imagination -- at the present time, the life that I am living right now is far more entertaining than any fantasy that I can really conjure up. I'd rather some of my fantasies become reality, seriously -- it just takes money to make them come true.

7. Potato Chips.
-- I love food. I think I eat too much. I do not want to look like this right here, before I'm 30. But I cannot resist chips. Pringles, Lays, Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos -- any other itos, too!

6. Summer.
-- My favorite time of the year. When you can do all of your vacationing and whatnot. I love playing ball in the Summer, things just seem better in the warm weather. The breezes are even the business. My next goal soon after N.Y.C. is to take that special lady on a special redezvous.

Which leads me into...

5. Traveling.
-- New York City, Manhattan, Harlem, BK. Statue of Liberty, Eiffel Tower (I am just kidding) -- Empire State Building. Although, I may not be spending a week or longer there, it is my goal to do more sightseeing. Try new foods. It'll be the bomb with great friends and the accompanying of a beautiful, soulful, great, beautiful, Black Queen -- G.P.

4. Deep Conversations.
-- Hell, any conversation for that matter. Those who know me, know that I love to talk and can do a pretty good job of making a convo last for longer than a minute.

3. Attention.
-- My wife says that I am an "attention whore" -- that I crave the spotlight with a furious fervor that eclipses most celebrities vanity. She's right. LOL!

2. TV, Books, Movies, and Video Games [Entertainment].
-- I've gotten into books, with the G&K Book Club (Founded Jan. 2005) -- I have always loved TV and Movies. It is imperative that I see "Crash," "Star Wars III," and "Batman Begins". Not really a fan of remakes -- although "The Longest Yard" looks funny (can't really go wrong with Chris Rock and Adam Sandler). But I really don't think I will be seeing the new Willy Wonka movie -- I thought it was going to be sort of a sequel (in my opinion, would've been better) -- to see how Charlie now runs the Chocolate Factory. Superman will be shitty. The Fantastic Four, eh... I love how they got The Thing to look, but I think that it'll do peanuts when compared to these three movies.

....and now, drumroll please...

[drum roll]

...The number one most favoritests thing to do in the life of K-Star the Great, aka Mr. Clark is...

................
..............
............
..........
........

Sucks that you have to wait, huh?

......
....
...
..
.

1. Spend time with my wife, G.P. [she's hilarious, she's my heart], my nephews, and my friends and certain familia whenever the time and pleasure arises.
-- They're family till the end. I have their backs. My loyalty is to them only second to God. That is not a slight to my family, I do love them, I truly do. I just don't have much fun with them like do with these individuals. And as a collective, I know that they have my back and won't do anything to hurt or harm my heart. So, for that I love you all.

Kind of long, but those are my top ten favorite things. Don't hurt me if I should've put something else down. I was just coming off of the dome with that one. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous.

"Industry Rule No. 4080"

2005-05-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

-- May 26th, 2005 --

"...so many catz is shaddddyyyyyyy..."

I know that ain't the real quote from the song, so y'all Hip-Hop fiends don't crucify me, yet. I just learned today that you NEED to be on your P's and Q's whenever you're dealing with anyone. I was taught an important rule by a number of people. Get a CONTRACT, FIRST! Hahahaha... I would go into a listing of who to thank and all -- but I'm doing my part of being incognegro. Those people know who they are -- thank you for your help and assistance. As well as negligence -- if it wasn't for you -- none of this would've been possible. Not hating, trust in that -- just know that as a collective I have people who want to see me shine and just because it's not in the cards for this endeavor -- I live in a brightly lit room with nothing but open doors. My baby knows what I'm talking about.

New York approaches more day by day, so be on the look out for my second trip to the Rotten Apple. May document this trip -- it'll be slick if I can. Congratulations to my Lady Love for the opportunities that continue to be available for her. You are truly blessed. As am I to have you by my side. I validated you for success, remember! So, when you become bigger than this one right chea, don't forget about me -- I can be your Jamal. I love you.

Already hipped y'all to the updates, so just keep your eyes open. It's my year since Chappelle is on hiatus.

"The Proof's in the Pudding"

2005-05-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

-- May 26th, 2005 --

Hey, for those who hit me up asking where the post is at I will gladly point you in the direction of a link. Common Sense would've told you to "go" find it yourself -- because the truth is out there. Also, We-The-Voices is currently on a hiatus -- so those who love reading it, there will be another update then you'll just have to be patient. Shout out to all those cats doing it on the site -- Panama, Harold M. Clemens, Milos, and the other beautiful souls who write for one of the best independent publications that has come out in a while.

As mentioned below I'm working on a piece about white people being the new niggers -- so we'll see how that turns out. For those who live locally, go head and cop the newest issue of UHURU Magazine (found exclusively on KSU campus) -- it's a nice little publication for some black students to put out. What else is new with the kid? Umm... be on the lookout for the return of those "True" School Hip-Hop artists -- Brand Nubian, Little Brother, and some kid by the name of Rhymefest. Truly after a good showing from Kanye, John Legend, and Common (not excluding Mos, but most people didn't get it -- right now Kweli is on my shit list) -- it's seems like another movement is in the works.

"..so sexy, isn't she?!"

Coming soon, back to the New York area -- myself; K-Star the Great with my partner-in-crime, G-Money the Diva. So, be on the lookout. I think maybe that we'll be in Brooklyn around the time (only disclosed to those who are going to be out there with us, nah'mean..). Babe, I love you -- you're doing big things as well as I. I got your back... just as you have mines. I'm your Stedman (aka Jamal), and you're my Oprah. Short, simple, and sweet -- I love you. Keep up the great work! I only ask that you don't forget about me when Larenz Tate and Bryce Wilson are knocking down your door. I love you, Lady Love.

Other than that folks -- continue to be on the lookout for Revolutionary Thoughts.com -- trying to make things happen. But you know what they say -- talk is cheap, the proof is in the pudding!

"Living Up To Expectations"

2005-05-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

-- May 25th, 2005 --

Greetings everybody. Glad that you're here. I'll keep this brief.

Be on the lookout for that interview with the brother Com Sense at AOL Black Voices. Show review at HHDX.com with the Roots and Floetry (their new joints for the album is mean...). What else -- I'll be working on a piece hopefully someone will pick that up -- are white folks the new niggers now? Lastly, be on the lookout for something about R. Kelly. Revolutionary Thoughts.com is in the works right now as well.

Until then... Be Blessed and Stay Righteous.

"The Evolution of Us" Part II

2005-05-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

-- May 13th, 2005 --

Life is never pretty. In fact, it's pretty gully -- filled with adversity and triumphs all strewn in the same wavelength. You rise and you fall. One day you're on top, the next you're not. The evolution of you and I, Ms. P. -- is a beautiful thing. Next month marks the half-way mark to a short-term goal. Next month is the celebration of your birth. In a few days, you will not be millions of miles away, you'll be right around the way. The test truly begins (read the last post to understand why this test can be passed or failed depending on you and I...). I am not in it to lose you. I am not a part of so many people in your life to be on the outs. I am yours. A big sentiment that should say a lot. Especially given the fact that too many men nowadays are looking for the quick hit rather than the long stay. My father seems to be able to do it with all the malarky that comes up (or doesn't) in their relationship. I mean, he deals with my mom -- and THAT IS a handful. Your parents have made it work for what, 40 years?!!? Here's to 40 more with them. You come from a great background -- and even if mines isn't as sturdy, I am not them. I have proven it to be such and that I can and will be the man that needs to be in your life.

Here's to the evolution of us -- that we can continue to blossom and learn more about each other and that our differences doesn't deter us from loving each other for life. It's going to take my lifetime to love you and I gladly give my all to accomplish that feat. It's going to take my lifetime to learn you and I am definitely a life-long learner. All of those feelings that I have for you is right here -- in my heart -- and I love you for life. Please understand that and cherish. Let it be known how you feel -- show me, tell me, I need to hear it from you as I say it to you -- it's just a beautiful thing to revel in the fact that love is our nest and that we're soon to call it home.

I love you. Nothing can stop that or change that. You're my guardian angel. I love you.

"Summertime Love" (bka "Fear of a Broken Heart")

2005-05-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

-- May 13th, 2005 --

The weather is finally cooperating with people's emotions. Friends and family are all warm-hearted and light-spirited with one another. Love usually runs amuck during this time of the year -- or is it being single? Hmm... I think more people are single during the warm weather than when it's cold. Which puts me in a compromising feeling.

I am a good man. I feel that when all the chips are down I treat my woman with the love and respect that she deserves and needs in her life. But I feel as if I am letting my insecurities getting the best of me. No rehab can help, I really do not know what can -- all I know is that I have to beat it before it beats me. Because if I lose, I lose everything -- the wife, the future, the love, the companionship -- all due to an insecurity called...

"Fear of a Broken Heart"

I don't know why it is rearing its ugly head now, especially when things are going so beautifully between myself and the missus. She's about to be closer to me, we get to spend a lot more QT building our relationship, and I keep inserting my foot into my mouth. I know, I know -- simple prescription -- stop doing it, stupid. But, lately, it hasn't failed to amaze me how much I can ruin a good thing. Whether that is from me saying it vocally or my actions. The surprising factor in all of this is that she still is staying with me. The goal in all of this: marriage. A beautiful union between two people. What is the cause behind this fear, you ask? Is it other guys? What could it possibly be, you inquire?

My first thought was that maybe that I am giving too much and wanting too much of the same. That old adage that you get out of it what you put into it -- type thing, ya know? I try to challenge myself to keep my woman guessing and anticipating, so that she knows that somehow, someway, K-Star the Great will truly come through with some sort of surprised blessing. I pride myself on that fact of wanting to be the best in her eyes and accomplishing truly amazing things. Whether it's simplistic and didn't cost me a dime or if it was truly elaborate and I broke the bank -- the thing that remains constant is that she didn't have any idea of what was to come. I don't know how to diagnose that -- because I love seeing her smile and I love how she feels when she is like that.

My second thought was that maybe what was thrown out into the world is soon to come true. You know how they say that you can sometimes speak things into existence? Well, there is a timeline put upon relationship and it may or may not come true. I pray to the Lord above that that is not his Will -- I really do. Investing your all and then some into something that you are physically and mentally (almost there financially) ready to spend the last days of your life with is a sad thing if it doesn't pay off heavily. I love the woman I am with. She's the only one who suits me the way that makes me feel comfortable and happy. I am not the type to turn my back on a GREAT thing, especially when she's created a better man out of me. So, the question is -- is the expiration on our relationship true...? Or is it all depending on us -- her and I to make it all work out?

My last thought was that it's me. That it is all my fault (in a sense, follow me...) -- that by me being negative or a HUGE worrywart (i.e. insecurity) will cause her to give up, throw up her hands and say, "I'm done." My last thought is that eventually, I will shoot my own self in the foot. I will be the murderer in my own tragic comedy. That I had the ideal thing that I was looking for and didn't know how to accept the fact that "thing" wanted me. It would devastate me to have that happen... but I see the affects happening already. Somehow, someway there seems to be some space between us -- whether through communication or affection, something is lacking. And I am the cause in it -- somehow. I made a promise that on my part to pick up the adrenaline and I will be a man of my word.

To finalize this post -- do not be a captive of your own fears, like I am. Only you (I) can release yourself from the torture that you (I) implement. To those who may be involved with someone like this (me), please try to understand. Please try to be there. Make it known more than anything that you may do for that day, anything that may happen, period -- how you feel. Because what it all boils down to is that I need your love (G.P.), I need your compliments, I need your energy, time and focus to help break me out of whatever it is that my mind is concocting. The truth is -- I need to know that I have you. Essentially that is what man's fear is -- that he doesn't have 100% of the "thing" that he desires. And when a man begins to question what the future holds (whether vocally or mentally) it affects everything.

I have never been afraid of the choice I have made by being in this relationship and I am not turning down or away from a great thing that I have with a great woman who'll give me the World if I just have the balls to ask for it. I know I am still rambling, but bear with me -- I'm thinking as I go along.

Before anyone thinks that I have doubts in my relationship, let me emphatically state that -- I know where my heart lies. It's just difficult to combat the feeling of wanting someone so badly that you may end up ruining what you already have. It's called pace. And I think that my heart is not catching up to the love that we have already established and reveling in it. I don't know. These are my thoughts and I am expressing them as such. But in the end, G.P., I love you so much and I need you as my wife to make life complete. You are the best and I can only continue to show you that you are.

"Where Have The Children Gone?"

2005-05-11T16:45:00.000-07:00

-- May 11th, 2005 --

Guilty pleasures... we all have them. For some it's chocolate, for others it may be sex, or even money. Yours truly likes "The Maury Povich" show. I mean yes, it is a degrading, immoral, depraved show that spotlights mainly minorities (trailer park trash included) in situations that no one with common sense and a belief in God would EVER find themselves involved in. I keep saying to myself that I won't watch this show no more because it may lower my sperm count. But I keep's a-watching.

I titled this "Where Have The Children Gone?" for this very matter -- our society is sick and delusional. It is very apparent that the parenting system, home training, latchkey watchdogs, and more are all responsible in some way or fashion in the destruction of our moral fabric. Take for an example -- a 14 year old girl losing her virginity when she was 13 brings an 18 year old (accompanied by mom) onto the show for a paternity test. There's the typical (yet, hilariously plotted) montage of the guy (or girl) saying how they "really" feel about the person who "brought" them here. What makes it really funny is when the mother or parent is accompanying the child. They are vicious and allow their child to do the same. So, anyways, after the belittling comments (mind you she is 14 years old) -- the girl angrily wants the boy to come out on stage.

"Get the bleep, bleep, bliggity-bleep-bleep out here, bitch!" (You know they always let one cuss word slide... for whatever reason that is, I don't know...) The young man comes onto the stage to a barrage of boos and curse words from the audience. Which prompts the young man to do the one finger salute to the audience making it a give-and-receive fight between him and the audience. Already angered because he believes that he's not the childs' father and that he doesn't like this girl for a various of reasons. Now, I've watched the show a lot and there has been a lot of excuses as to why the man can NOT possibly be the girl's baby daddy. From low sperm count to having one testicle, man has created a myriad of excuses as to why they can't be the one.

Anyhoo, back to the story -- so the girl is going ballistic, calling him every name in the book, even the boy's momma can't step in to defend it. At 18, the boy seems very composed, only stating that it can't be his baby because she lied about her age, slept with his cousin or brother (they bleeped out the name and family relation), and two of his homeboys. When Maury inquired if she indeed, did, lie about her age -- she said that that was true. She said that she was 16 when he was 16 (She looked hella old too). The argument continues -- gets heated, and blows below the belt are thrown. Maury has enough (gotta love it!) -- he has the results in hand. Let's go to the play by play.

Maury: In the results of (insert month of baby and name here) -- "Tony"...
Baby Momma: ...yes...

Maury: ...you are...
Baby Momma (stands up in joy): YES... I told you, you son-of-a....

Maury: NOT... the father...
Baby Momma: NOOOOOOOOOO.... WWHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!

The girl rises and falls hard as the air is seemingly taken from her soul. The proud, beaming, "baby" daddy -- laughs and begins to pop-n-lock right there on stage. The coup d'etat is running up to the 14 year old girls face and calling her every name in the book as he clicks his heels and runs back to his world of "freedom". ...All at 18... still a child left without a father. A young girl turned into a young mother with a lifetime of regret and mistakes looking her in the eyes for the rest of her natural life. Sucks... but that seems to be the plight with a lot of our young kids nowadays. And they're proud of it. At a club that I went to with my girl, the DJ said, "All the ladies celebrating Mother's Day (yes we were at the club of Mommy Day) -- put your hands up in the air and say OOWWWW!" Girls from the window to the mu'fuckin' wall rose their hands. I shook my head and was like, "Wow..." Too sad. Now, that is not to say that these women aren't proud of their "accomplishments" -- all I am saying that there is a destruction of family's here -- due to irresponsibility.

When I was in High School, the girls who'd bring their babies in to show them off to their friends were instantly made fun of. Nowadays, you have songs (Baby Mama - by Fantasia), you have movies, et cetera all saying in one form or another that it's cool to go out and do the do with whomever just as long as you get yours before he/she gets theirs. It a sad state of affairs that we live in. I, for one, do not wish to be a member of the Baby Daddy Card-carrying Club. So, the question I ask you is, where have the children gone?

"National Love-Your-Woman Day"

2005-05-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

-- May 11th, 2005 --

I am trying to get Congress to ratify a new holiday. One where good women everywhere are rewarded and serviced for their great efforts. One in particular (shown above) is the motive behind the idea of this "holiday". G-Money, you are a blessing no longer disguised and I love what you mean to me.

Without putting too much out there (cue the "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me" music) -- I think you're the best thing since slice bread and the invention of the wheel. You a critical part of my success and I thank God for you in my life. I love you, I love you, and I love you.

But as far as the holidays goes...

Why not take a day just to celebrate the woman in your life; whether that is your daughter, girlfriend, wife, fiancé, mother, grandmother, so on and so forth. She deserves it. Especially if she's a good one. I mean nowadays negativity is being exploited so much that it's absurd to even think that there is any good news to be heard. So... treat the woman in your life special -- it says alot about the man that you are. So... to all those good men and women out there, live in the light, stay positive, and stay challenging love -- it's a beautiful thing, y'all.

"Friend or Foe"

2005-05-04T01:24:00.000-07:00

-- May 4th, 2005 --

Not really going to go in-depth, just have a question for those who may or may not visit this site and read the content. The question is: "Can a bond be stronger than family ties?"

Hopefully some people will give their comments, I'll be back to talk about it later.

Also, check out that article written by yours truly at We The Voices. Also, peep out my colleagues, they write some good ish. I also got an interview with Slim Thug there as well. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous.

"Grad School, Baby!!!!"

2005-05-03T16:49:00.000-07:00

-- May 3rd, 2005 --

On the eve of the 35th Anniversary of the shooting at Kent State University, it is a blessing and privilege to know that my Lady Love has been accepted for Grad School!!!!

YAY!!!

Now for those who don't know -- this is a big thing. Without going into the specifics, let me just say to my Lady Love that I am proud of you. You have accomplished so many things and I am glad that the trend is continuing. I know the Fam is proud as well, I can hear your mom jumping up and down yelling from the window to the wall!

Short and sweet, just like you are, Ma. I love you. Continue to strive for your dreams and I'll be right beside you being your biggest supporter!

"Omnium Finis Imminet"

2005-05-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

-- May 2nd, 2005 --

"The end is near..."

Or is it? That is the question at hand. Tsunamis, Earthquakes, mudslides, natural disasters coming at an alarming rate. Those hurricanes in Florida were no joke. Could it be the result of how man is treating the environment and Mother Nature fighting the ongoing changes? Could it be that something big is awaiting on the horizon -- sort of like that Sam Cooke joint? Or does God have a REALLY GIGANTOID surprise waiting for us.

NBC debut its new show, "Revelations" a few weeks ago and it pulled in the masses. The first episode starts with a nun in Mexico witnessing an image of Christ on the cross seemingly formed by the clouds. But it is a cloudless day, perfectly clear and sunny. More astonishing is the fact that the head of Christ turns to acknowledge the crowd!!! I would go into more details but if you want the blow by blow as far as the episodes is concerned -- go here.

This brings me to my question, "Are we truly living in the last days?"

People are more nuttier now (here and abroad) than they probably have ever. Times are rough, Bush certainly has to be the devil... I mean -- they have pictures...

War. One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse -- everywhere you turn in some form or fashion you see that we are in a wartime situation. Iraq. Famine, Disease and Death are "next".

This is not really going in-depth -- my thoughts are that God does indeed have a surprise awaiting the masses. I mean yesterday it snowed here in Ohio -- May 2nd, 2005 -- supposedly Spring-to-Summer type weather and it snows!!!

All in all, this sucks -- 2004 and 2005, so far, have been the best years of my life. I have made so many big moves and changes in my life and it "supposedly" is going to come to an end. That blows! What do you think? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

"The Evolution of Us"

2005-04-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

-- April 28th, 2005 --

Knowing is growing.

We went from strangers in the dark to basking in the beautiful glow of our relationship in full blown light. A relationship beginning in the strictness of business evolving into a union of love and happiness. I love you, Lady Love.

You are in my blood. I once stated that, "Time has yet to catch up to our love," and you know what? I hope it never does. I don't want it to ever end. The way that my heart yearns for you is what many a man desires to have in their life. It is what makes a good man great. I wake up thinking of many things, but, God and you are the only things constant on my mind. I have loved you even before I met you. My heart has been wanting the person you are. In other words, you are everything I have dreamed of and more.

We went from strangers, to conversationalists, to friends, to friends being in a relationship, to now being in a full-on relationship. The blissful days of being on cloud nine aren't essentially over -- but -- we both know the realness of the relationship. We have had considerable ups and downs. Arguments, debates, tears have all been shared and exchanged. But with the stormy weather comes the sunny rays -- and smiles and laughter have outweighed and outlasted anything that has attempted to stop both of us from our goal. No... not worldwide domination (well, not yet, at least)... but a long-lasting union. Our time together is well-spent. You are incredible. We are both on the verge of accomplishing many things in our life.

I would be a fool to lose you.

There is so much that is awaiting for you and I to conquer and behold. I want to be a part of all of the things, both good and bad, just as long as you are by my side. In life, in love, and in my career, I thank you for being whom you are. Even when we're trying to decide where to continue this future, it's still entertaining just to dream. You once asked me if this is all just a dream and that sooner than later we'll both wake up. I say to you that this is not a dream. This is a beautiful relationship that we have worked hard to keep going. The challenge is can you keep it going? I need you to be in my life for the rest of it -- to continue to evolve. I love you with all of my heart, body, mind and soul! You're the greatest! Keep up the good work, you're the best!

"A Day in the Life..."

2005-04-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

-- April 28th, 2005 --

I know, I know -- it's been a long time since I've written in this thing... but... I've been a busy guy. School, working two (as of Friday, it'll be three) jobs, getting some nice interviews and writeups lately. Be on the lookout for a Common interview to be shopped somewhere. Black Child and Beatminerz to follow soon. Also, keep an eye out for Hood Grown Magazine -- an upcoming magazine that is not doing bad. Oh... also, for those who are in the know -- listen for that new album from Ghana's son -- BK's own, Blitz. "Double Consciousness" slated to come out soon. First single is to be with dead prez, so I'm psyched about that. Also... coming soon -- be on the lookout for www.kevinclark.com (maybe I need some work on the name). I'm trying to do it big for the '05, leading into the '06.

Like the picture, huh? We make a sexy couple -- kind of like these two. She's my rib. I think that she's the greatest. I think that I'm supposed to be writing about me. Selfish bastard, I am. School is almost wrapped up. I've been slippin' in my pimpin', lately. Research paper due, projects due before the end of the semester and I have found myself focusing on other things. Nah, not just that -- my days are now kind of on the hectic side. I like it, but then again, I don't.

I wake up at 7 or 8 in the morning. I begin with my home workout plan, then moving onto doing some studying. All the while calling my girl in the morning to wish her a great day and to tell her that she is on my mind. I then check my emails to see what work I have to do for the people I've been blessed with the opportunity to be able to contribute work for. In that regards, I only hope to give my best effort. I am still learning, but I have made some considerable writing progress since Dec. 2004. It'll soon be time for my first class, I get off the phone with my Queen and head to the University. Class is sometimes snoozeville. But all in all, I pay attention, because I generally like the classes and the professor's that I have. After my first class, I go to one of my jobs -- working in the office of one of the local tutoring places. Finally, I go to my last class, afterwards, heading to my house to work on a few articles and homework. All the while talking to my Baby!

This is how it is until Friday. While most people are out drinking, partying, and doing the do -- I am working, STILL!!! Working third shift at a convenient store is NOT the business. But... it's something to use to study while you're trying to kill some time during dull parts of the night. It's like that throughout the weekend. I consider it a gift and a curse. While the money is alright -- making it a possibility for me to do things for myself, my family, and my career. It monopolizes too much of my time -- other people need my attention... a few people especially! But in order to do what I do, I must make ends meet. Which brings me to my next thought.

The "law" can be a beautiful thing. It can be a disastrous monster. But right now -- it's a beautiful thing, without going too much into detail. But refer to this for those who came too late.

Lastly, I would like to say that I had said that 2005 will be a beautiful year for me and it has been that so far. I am blessed. I am becoming more spiritually inclined, continuing to be more deeply linked romantically to you-know-who, and establishing a career plan for myself more and more each day. It's all about a day in the life of your's truly. Peace.

*Any ideas for a name for the new home of Revolutionary Thoughts, feel free to hit me up at K_Clark2001@hotmail.com. Thanks.

"The Evil Man Known As..."

2005-03-29T17:29:00.000-08:00

-- March 29th, 2005 --

There is a terrible evil that lurks in the hearts of men. One in particular has decided that he will make his presence known in present-day America. He is soul-less, malicious, and doesn't have one nice thing about him. He is pure evil incarnate.

The evil man known as...

Michael Schiavo

For those that don't know, Mikey-boy is the smart guy who feels as if his wife should not have the feeding tube that will keep her alive. Terri has been supplied with that tube since 1990 when she had suffered from heart failure. Since 1999, there has been a six-year court case in deciding whether or not Mrs. Schiavo should be taken off of this life support. This little devil even released a statement to give his side of the story. Schiavo says in the letter, "The reality is that Terri left us 13 years ago, and none of us can bring her back." The man loves his wife so much that he didn't want anyone to see her. He barred nurses from trying to stimulate his "wife" in 1993 and cut off all therapy. You'd think that he was just saving money. With HMO's and whatnot -- it can be pretty expensive to take care of someone who, obviously, cannot take care of themselves. But -- when you win $300,000 for yourself, and an additional $700,000 for your wife's perpetual care in a medical malpractice suit -- you should be able to splurge at least for a new deadpan and a bathrobe. I wonder how her parents felt about it?

With her sunken eyes and frail body getting weaker as the days pass, you'd think that you would spend at least time with the person whom you fell in love with, whom you decided to marry. Instead, you decide to move on. That's right, ladies and gentlemen -- Mr. Schiavo is a proud father with another woman as the bearer of his children. Where is the common decency? I mean -- love only goes so far. How do you have children... another woman on the side... STILL be married... AND get final say on whether your WIFE lives or dies moreso than the FAMILY who bore and raised her!!!! Most people wouldn't have an opinion on this, BUT those are few and far in-between.

It all sounds suspect. There is nothing that you can do to change the outcome. Not even the President of the United States has more juice than Mike Schiavo! Mr. Schiavo's real name must be Damien -- like "The Omen" -- why? Because of that very fact. The President's of the United States have never been weak, have never been the ones to be put on the back burner for anyone. Nixon's scandals got mad pub, Kennedy is still beloved to this day, Clinton too. So are you to tell me that the man responsible for starting BEEF with the ENTIRE WORLD cannot get a tube into the mouth of a woman in the state of which your brother is the Governor of.

They are all trying to save her life in symbolic way. With blood on the tongue -- trying to give her a taste of Christ. No judge will stave her life. No politician can fight for her. No even the people have what it takes to change Washington's mind. And what does her doting husband feel about that...? The evil that bubbles in this man's soul encourages him to do the one thing that would emphasize his feelings about his wife -- an autopsy.

He seriously wants to kill her. I believe that the other woman in his life wants to shed that title of being the "other" woman and become what she has been for the past five.. six.. seven years. Michael's wife. He keeps getting bitched at at home about it. He looks into the faces of his children and sees that his life is here and he's neglecting it by spending time with "her" at the hospital. He hasn't slept with her since 1990. His heart isn't bonded to her in no other symbol, not even a wedding ring. He probably doesn't even wear it now. He is a certified public enemy number one. He says that he loves her, but is planning her burial.

In the end -- a life will be lost. In trying to fight for her survival, a man who has fallen from grace will be trying to step up to the plate. Jesse Jackson, Mr. Keep Hope Alive, is trying to fill the footsteps of a man who he predated but clearly has been overshadowed by. That man was Mr. Johnnie Cochran. We lost him today due to complications of a brain tumor. R.I.P.

This is a travesty. Period.

"Thoughts"

2005-03-28T23:46:00.000-08:00

-- March 28th, 2005 --

Family is a precious thing. It is the only chance in this life to leave your impression from generation's past onto generation's to come. Similar to the lottery, you cannot always pick a winner. You may get a loser here or there. The difference between that and a child is that a child can grow into whatever you may mold them to be. Do I believe that there are such a thing as "a bad seed" or a "black sheep" -- not really. I think you can only label those kids that when there isn't a chance to really change or grow. Either that or the parents spoil them to a both to where they become rotten to the bone.

That is how my parents feel about my sister and I. Which is funny because as a "child", I can pick out the five things that you do NOT do when you're supposed to be a parent or "functioning adult". I won't go into that right now. "Parents Just Don't Understand" by Will Smith is still a feeling carried on by most children. Especially nowadays, since technology has enveloped most of our daily activities, it seems as if it is necessary for the child to have a DVD player in his room so that he/she can watch Harry Potter 3, while listening to music being played on his iPod. I, myself, love kids. Those are my "nephews" in the picture above. I think the world of them both. They have the potential to be great once the time calls for it. At two and eleven, I have seen similar qualities that they have and differences that they both possess. Strengths and weaknesses. All in all, they are beautiful, young, black boys -- who will sooner than later grow up to be powerful black men.

I say all that to say this -- we have lost our footing as parents. I am not speaking as one, but I am speaking as a result of this belief. No longer do we talk to our children as equal. I don't think we ever have, but the respectability is lost. Many things may come into play -- the lost of innocence that occurs at a young age, the speed and rate to which kids find themselves thrust into the "adult role" of either baby daddy/mama, or living a fast lifestyle. God has become more of a mystery. In my days growing up, I didn't frequent the Church. Bad thing, maybe, does it affect me now as a 22 year old, yes. Not because I feel that I should be all hallelujah (I thought that at a time) -- but it is because I have trouble feeling like I have an honest relationship with God. Parents do not encourage their children to do what isn't status quo or popular opinion. Is it just what is advertised as success or do you think that parents gear their children to be a success through the means of rapper, actor, ball player? (Talking about Black parents...)

I mean LeBron may not be the smartest crayon in the box, but, the boy can speak intelligently enough to be interviewed. Do you think his mother was talking about go to College to get better academically, well-rounded as a young man, or was she hearing the bank calling her name? You know what I think. What do you think? I think the world of my "nephews" they aren't allowed to watch anything that they aren't old enough to see. 'Maine, 2, his day revolves around a Purple Guy with a tail -- aka Barney. Either that or Bob the Builder. X, 11, reads voraciously and likes things that most Black kids his age ain't really checking for. He golfs, plays soccer, like Harry Potter. I commend the family that they have in rearing them. Their mother, auntie, grandparents all have a hand in inspiring them in some form or fashion. I love that. I wish that I can add on to that. I will try. In this day and age, people do not want to take responsibility. They shy away from it. They cower. I was never a coward. I may have been weak, but I was also young -- I am neither now.

I love G.P. -- She is my air, my fuel that my fire burns on, everything. Easter just passed (Happy Belated Easter to everyone) and it was the bomb-diggy at her crib. I gave my gifts to the family and I, in return, got a bevvy of gifts. Lots of candy, chips, teeth-rotting things -- apple juice, gift certificates, and money. I love her family. They are more family-oriented than mines ever was. Not even when we were younger did we have the relationship that hers has. Jealous, some would be, not I -- BUT -- someone is. And voiced their opinion about it, sounding very contradictory.

Question -- If someone says that they love you, but has a problem with the significant other going to see them all the time -- how much love is involved?

Until next time. Check out We The Voices. Up next, Frats and Sororities, The Evil Man Known As... ???? -- Be on the lookout. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous.

"Sincerely Yours"

2005-02-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

-- February 20th, 2005 --

I can be an asshole at times. Hell, I can be an asshole a lot of times. Shit, I am just an asshole. Is that looking at myself negatively. I don't think so. It's just that I let my emotions be my judge of situations, instead of my mind. You know how Jay-Z says, "Love them with my mind, not your heart..." Guess I should listen to the God MC.

I pray for God to lift that from my heart -- especially when I am dealing with those I love. It weird, I'm not too much of a believer in the all-power of Zodiac signs... but I feel as those I have a Scorpio's wrath with a Gemini's twists. Bad sounding, ain't it...? All in all, I love the people who love me. To someone specific (G.P.) -- I love you with all my heart, soul, being, left and right thumbs, anything else that you want is yours.

My friend Danya and I had this conversation, similar to the one myself and G.P. had. I'm going to call it "Status and the Male Ego".

Danya said that when a woman becomes successful it's not really too much trouble in a relationship because a woman, if in love with a man, is in love with that man and no matter what successes she's had she is going to stick with that man. Because men are genetically predisposed to going after women. So, since it's an availability -- she has no need to really chase or go for it. Lessened by the fact that her man has been there since she was dirt broke working from the ground up -- she's more prone to stand by your side.

When it comes to men though, most women (if not all of them) worry about us and being successful. Not in a sense of a man making more money, but the appearance of the dreaded groupie.

Yes!! The groupie -- this beastly animal has been known to break up many a happy home. A skeez who likes to skeet-skeet-skeet from the window to the wall wants a successful man to add to her belt. The belief that when a man becomes successful or highly visable in positive settings it attracts eager ladies willing to become a one-night bedfellow. Something to brag about, I guess. But women feel that they become less of what they were when other women start trying to file their applications. I understand that belief. I mean it's hard when the panties are being thrown at your man 24/7. Harder if you don't know if your man is pulling them off or fending them off like they were killer bees.

It is hard when we live in a nation of excess, materialism, and sex to have strong men who can turn their backs on that. I see a young brotha, like myself, struggling to make it in this land of milk and honey -- going broke at that. Or even a person who doesn't have a pot to piss in for that matter and you got rappers and athletes either talking about having too much money or not having enough to support their family (Latrell Spreewell's bitch-ass). So, while living in a weak society, I understand a female worrying about a potentially successful brotha dippin' in the pudding bowl.

To G.P. -- you do not have to worry about me. I know what the deally-o is, Babe. I am sincerely yours. You are a key component in my success now and later on in my life. I know where home is. Or to better say, I know what side my bread is buttered on. Heh, heh, heh! In this world, you need someone who is going to be honest and keep it real with you. But, it's also a life full of progress. I am making considerable progress given my past. With this progress, I have been building from the ground floor up, and you have been right there alongside. In the future, you'll be there for my ups and my downs, my failures and my successes. I am a strong Black man standing beside an equally strong Black woman. I need you to be that for me and understand that I am yours sincerely. Yours exclusively. No one has a claim to the secrets that you and I share, the intimacy, anything -- your name alongside mines states that empathetically.

G-Money -- I can only say it, you have to understand and believe that in your own heart. I am here for you, not going anywhere, I love you. I support you in whatever you want to do.

Sincerely yours... glad to be yours sincerely...

"It's Good To Be Young..."

2005-02-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

-- February 20th, 2005 --

Not trying to say that there is anything wrong with you old-folgies, but, it's a beautiful thing to be young. Youthful exurberence, a twinkle in your eye that shows that you're curious about what goes on in the world.

This post won't be long. All I'm saying is be on the lookout for BIG things to continue to happen for the two-double O-five. :)

"Challenges of Life"

2005-02-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

-- February 7th, 2004 --

I am a grown ass man. Funny, that for the past four years since turning eighteen that going into my twenty-second year that I would make these strides into my life. It's hard when you are worried about failing. It makes you stronger... or does it? I mean I can throw balls to the wall just like anyone else when push comes to shove, but, can I really be a success in a place where the mere object of living there IS to be successful (LA, Chicago, or New York -- take your pick...)...?

Being in a relationship is a unique experience. I didn't think that I would honestly be in this predicament again. It is kind of frightening. Why you may ask? Because I am responsible for another person's heart -- that is a heavy load to carry. If somewhere down the line I act irresponsibly, then -- who's to blame? She gets hurt and that pain lasts a long time till the next person comes along playing troubador trying to get her to love again. Those shoes I have filled and added a couple of inches while being with her -- if you get my drift... And I am not in this relationship to hurt her or see her cry.

As a Black man living in the 21st Century (where's the Jetson cars at?!!?) -- it's increasingly painful to see that responsibilities take a backseat to selfishness and profit. Men cheating on women and vice versa -- all in the pursuit of not wanting to be really be responsible for another person's being. In a sense, being selfish because they're only looking out for self. In this time of racial tensions, war, deficits -- why AREN'T we looking towards each other for some sort of support and appreciation for our being while we're still here on this Earth? The female friends I do have continue to complain about how they can't find any good men who are on their level. Or even those type of Brotha's who will even give them a chance to be in their life, while the man is off looking for a video chick?

All of this is disturbing and I don't mean to get into a rant (insert Dennis Miller here) -- but I don't want to get off tangent about what this post is supposed to be about -- ME.

I used to be in love with a woman who was in love with me -- typical love story. My first everything. Long story short -- that was a dream deferred. Before it continued to grow into its status of being a nightmare, I abandoned ship. Spending the next three years or so to myself, dating, and continuing to grow and mature into the man you see today. For those who frequent my BLOG -- you know that I was searching -- albeit, in vain -- for a soulmate, for a Sista who complimented me in everyway. It was like when you got cockroaches and the light is on -- no one was in sight when it came to women. So, I eventually stopped. A sabbatical. No women. No dates. Nothing. ...Then she came into the picture.

Without going into the details, she's the one who I'm with now. I enjoy the time that we spend together. I invited a feeling into my life that I thought I wouldn't have again. Along with that comes some fear. Not necessarily doubt, but fear. What if time passes and she isn't happy? What if she cheats? What if I do? What if the relationship doesn't work? Having invested so much into already -- time, love, committment, money -- it's hard when you don't reap the benefits. A broken heart is a living death. When you love again -- it is a resurrection of some sorts. I have been resurrected with the single touch of her lips pressed against mines. The work I have done in the last three months has been in a major part to a challenge that I felt that she was issuing me through her accomplishments. I love this woman. I am proud of her. But as a reformed cynic -- old habits are somewhat hard to break.

Like the aforementioned what if's -- there is also the challenge of maintaining the essence of the relationship. It is a constant reminder of why you're doing this -- keeping this person happy. Reinventing the relationship, they would say. Because the reason of why most things fickle is because they've exhausted the possibilities (what Larenz Tate movie is THAT quote from?)... Frustrations, differences, miscommunications -- all these things are going to happen from time to time -- but what happens if time runs out. All these factors do not have answers unless they actually happen. But as a man who is getting older, wanting to settle down (yes, at 22 -- life is hard alone, and it's stupid trying to jump to person to person, trying to see what works...) -- the need to make sure that the selection I have made pans out and vice versa.

The challenges of life are a consistent circle that remains a constant. For example, by handling your business you are able to get through most things relatively quickly -- homework, work on the job, etc. If you do that well enough, you'll court the fancy of a young female onlooker who believes that that is a key essential in being with a man. Now, as a young man and woman in a relationship -- you both must handle your business together and apart in order for your life lived in unison works fluidly. Hardships are a part of that -- nothing is for free, but, if you handle your business... in the end it should all work out, right?!!

I am a Black man in a loving relationship, where my girlfriend thinks the World of me and doesn't see anyone in her sights. A cynic would say that it can only last for a certain amount of time, then she'll smarten up. A realist would say that if things happen to break up the relationship, then, it wasn't meant to be. A REAL Black man would say that I love this woman and I'd be damn if I let a great thing out of my grasp.

The question is... how do you stand up to the challenges?

"The Year of The Great" (2005 & Beyond!!!)

2005-02-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

-- February 1st, 2005 --

I told you!!! I told anyone who would listen. I am the town crier about this shit! 2005 would be the year that I come out and overshadow any and everyone who decides to step into my stratosphere. I am not out here trying to toot my own horn; because I am more humble than that. But I am going to say that I am hustling for a cause that I believe in.

Today was supposed to be the interview with Kweli, but I was slighted on that, which I wasn't too happy about. All in all, Kweli came to my school to speak during the first day of Black History Nanosecond. He was cool as far as his presence being there, but his commentary was sincerely lacking. I think that this is what our Black United Students allotted their money for -- to get Talib-fuckin'-Kweli. Like I said, he wasn't bad -- just wasn't the edutainment quality of say a KRS-ONE or a Chuck D, the latter who has also spoke here at KSU. Without going into too much of the dialouge -- Kweli spoke about his relationship with Mos Def, Hip-Hop, and his beliefs concerning the activism in the genre. A lot of his points were interesting, but most seemed to stemmed from just his occurrences with (insert rapper's name here) or (insert comedian's name here), so on and so forth.

Put it like this -- I overstayed my welcome because I ended up missing out on American Idol... AND it was the episode where they were in Cleveland.

Aside from Kweli -- the reason I put that picture up at the top is to show y'all how good a couple we look. Giving Will and Jada a run for their money.

Speaking of money -- been making very little of it. But the immense experience that I have had these few couple of months will be worth its weight in gold once my talents are recognized. Aside from the Jean Grae interview and the attempted Talib Kweli piece, your favorite neighborhood blogger is going to speak to Slim Thug (...yay...), Mr. Stab-A-Nigga -- Young Buck, NFL Tight End (and KSU Alum) -- Antonio Gates, and lastly not least, want to compile a piece about Harlem's own -- Danya Steele.

Each story is very interesting. Through these means, my talents will grow and mature into something that will be very beneficial to my career and entertaining to you, the reader. A new venture I am working on will be coming on the way -- more as that develops. Also, be on the lookout for http://www.we-the-voices.com -- a new online publication brought to you by Panama Jackson and Co. I am a staff writer for them, and as soon as I know anything further about it -- those who view "Revolutionary Thoughts" regularly WILL know as well.

Also, trying to learn moreso about film -- I know nothing is better than having experience, but this is Ohio that I live in. So, if anyone has any type of advice or connects that they're willing to share, please feel free to hit me up whenever you get the chance to. Either here or at my e-mail address.

Finally, I would like to send a special shoutout to my Lady Love. The pictures came out lovely, don't you think. You're my partner both personally and business-wise. This is a year set for us to work hard and toil to strive for something to be had in excess for 2006. I Love You.

Also, a note for those who wish to throw rocks at the throne. K-Star the Great and G-Money the Diva are a commodity, not something that you can just separate through speculation and he-say, she-say nonsense. That type of thing hasn't happened, but I'm going to just point out the fact that I understand that your momma may have taught you, "if you ain't got nothing nice to say, then don't say nothing at all.." BUT -- If you are approaching another man's woman, and he is right there -- have the respect, HELL, the common decency to say either what your problem is to the brotha OR... OR... just say, "What's up?" and keep it moving.

Aimed at someone specific... if you think it's you, then congratulations!!!! You won yourself a cookie!

"Jean Grae Interview"

2005-01-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

Check out the interview that I had with Jean before the show. Peace.

"Jean Grae: In Her Own Words"

"Jean Grae"

2005-01-18T18:47:00.000-08:00

-- January 18th, 2004 --

HipHopDX.com Article

Click on the link to peep the first thing by ya boy -- K-Star. Give critique.

"Updates" Part III

2005-01-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

-- January 16th, 2004 --

Happy New Years to everyone, first and foremost. I know it's late, but, hey... better late than never, right?!

It's time for the updates, again, YAY!!! New in my life are these assortment of things that make up something that passes for my life. ::smile::

I recently acquired a gig -- (thanks the Lord) -- with HipHopDX.com. Now contingent on if I do a good job with this interview that I have tonight, I have an interview with this ill-rhyme slinger from New York City originally born in South Africa. Yes, the one... the only...

Jean Grae

I can't believe it to tell you the truth. Shouts out to my girlfriend, G.P. and Panama Jackson, because these two really have inspired me and helped me in their respective ways to actually step foot out there and do what I inheiritedly am good at and blessed with the talent to be able to do.

This guys CD is the bomb. Please excuse the CD. I bought it the other day and I am thoroughly impressed. John Legend and Anthony Hamilton, great music, that I hope and pray continue to defy the status quo of bland Crunk & B music or Rhythm and Bullshit, no matter what you call it. I may have an album review for this, so... be on the lookout for it.

No words for this guy, right here...

God bless the dead and all, but... doesn't he look like O.D.B. in this mugshot photo? (R.I.P. O.D.B.) -- For a man who can craft some of the most beautifullest gems like, "Brown Sugar," "Untitled (How Does It Feel)," and, "My Lady," this guy looks like fried shit in this picture. All because he struggles with a crack habit. Didn't someone let this Brotha listen to his Baby Mama -- Angie Stone's "Brotha" and get a sense of uplift in his spirit...? I can go on and on about D'Angelo. For those who don't know, I'll let you in one the story. Virginia's native son was cruising in a state notorious for it's stance on speeding. I mean the cops are so vicious that white folks even obey the law. So, Mr. D -- already high of "life," gets pulled over by the fuzz. D'Angelo, also intoxicated, is easily taken down by Johnny Law and searched and seized. They find out that he's in possession of a controlled substance, whether that was something hard as crack cocaine or marijuana or whatever is still to be known. But the mugshot says it all. This boy will NOT be releasing ANY new material for awhile.

School starts up next week, 'nuff said...

Congratulations to my friend, Ms. Danya Steele, on continuing to strive for the best. I know you can't wait till Fall starts up so you can show those staunch white folks at Harvard, how Harlem represents itself. Also, be on the lookout for the documentary and biography -- sheesh, I'm doing all this plugging, a Brotha can at least get a free copy of something for something, nah'mean. Autographed. :) Buy The Ave Magazine -- proceeds go the K-Star The Great Fund.

My Baby's lips are so soft...

Me and my significant other are doing wonderfly, as you can see. No jokes about how rough I look. I love my, Lady Love. We're going to be venturing to Detroit this weekend to go see, this..

Tight, ain't it? I ain't never seen no futuristic cars before, so I'm psyched on doing it. Especially, when I know that I finally got some sort of money in my pocket. But all in all, 2005 is shaping up to be a great year, so far. Let's see if we can keep the trend going.

2005 -- BlackStar Enterprises!

Keep up the good work everyone!

"These Are My Heroes: Fran Dorsey"

2005-01-13T14:32:00.000-08:00

-- January 13th, 2004 --

What is a rebel? Webster's definition of it is, "To resist or defy an authority or a generally accepted convention." It should be renamed Francis E. Dorsey. This man has single-handedly redefined the notions of Black folks in the American diaspora, as well as, the African diaspora. He is anger personified. A trait not too far from his own line. His truth is legendary. A man who's stance on certain issues could outlast any monument, piece of artwork, anything. Once he puts his mind to something, it is no longer an impossibility. His name rings through the hallowed halls of the Oscar Ritchie facility that he helped build. The theater alone stands as a testimony to his sheer drive for his love of the Arts. Always the perfectionist, this well-read literary mastermind loves to do what others cannot do and make it seem to be done with ease. Very opinionated, many students have had a memorable argument with the boisterous rebel with a cause. Who's pride and anger sometimes rub those, who aren't built to handle it's sharpness, the wrong way. His arrangement of putting on plays that show the beautiful side of Black folks like in, "Tamborines to Glory," or it's sharp socio-wit in, "Day of Absence," or the humor in folk story like in, "Stagolee." An objector to things that display in stark contrast of what we really are -- he's quick to put anyone in their place if they think otherwise. His lineage is strong and grounded in African tradition... Black pride.

He is a marvel to behold, an inspiration to those who yearn to continue to fight for the cause, a father to his sons, and a hero to me. In a time where Black men are abandoning their responsibilities to their families, to themselves, and to their community -- it a just sign that SOMEONE stands out and says that, "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!" That we are a beautiful people, with more to offer than shaking our asses to the newest Nelly song and being disrespectful to one another. A man who is known for handling his business as equally as he's known for his temper, Dr. Dorsey is a man who's accomplished so much in his life and still continues to strive for more. I, knowingly, have had many trials and tribulations in my life -- just like everyone else has. I'm not complaining, I just know that I am going to take the blueprint that I've see put to use from Doctor Dorsey and strive, for myself, to be the best that I can possibly be.

Two men who have experienced his love, anger, and colorful commentary are...

Jelani and Jabari Dorsey -- two brothas who have a plan and the means of carrying it out. I respect those two for all they accomplished and the things that they've showed me, being the sons of the man known as "Fran". I respect their contributions and wish them nothing but blessings. Tribe D -4- Life.

"Soul To Soul"

2004-12-30T18:00:00.000-08:00

-- December 30th, 2004 --

Critics, haters, disrespectful Negroes, chickenheaded Sistahs -- all beware... I am IN love... I welcome you all in the challenge of telling me why I am wrong, why it seems like it's too soon, why this, why that... You'll have a hell of a time trying to prove me otherwise. There will always be someone trying to knock you down -- but the question why when it comes to matters of the heart?

This woman is mines. Understand that when you see her, you see me -- and vice versa. Our relationship is one where it is a friendship first, dramatics don't play a part in our union. The underestimations that those who choose to believe that this isn't a thing that'll last can frankly -- kiss my ass. Does this go out to anyone in particular -- maybe? Maybe not? You be the judge.

It's a beautiful thing when someone loves you back. When they love you as an equal and not in regards of what you can do for them, as opposed to what you can do with them. She loves me for who I am. My faults, my shortcomings, even my broke status -- and I her. I see the connection that we have and appreciate the blessing that it is. Instead of letting it continue to be something there in disguise, masked as a feeling that we both shared, but never admitted too -- I am letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak. She is my rib. It's funny -- I thought that I would never love anyone because it was hard to trust people (see how close love and trust are...) -- but with her we are always at ease.

Trust, hmm... That is such a big word seldomly used nowadays. You see it on TV with shows like "Cheaters" and "The Maury Povich Show" with its paternity tests. In our music, you don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many painful songs in R&B you hear from your favorite contemporary artists to the "fuck-a-bitch" anthems that decorate any said rapper in the Rap genre. Have our lives become that fragile to where we crumble at the mere sight of an indiscretion? This is not to say that I condone any dastardly deed in a relationship. But I say to you this -- our music, our programming -- reflects the times, it tells the tale about how we as a people feel. So, is it safe to say that we're afraid to love? In the midst of turmoil, what do we have left in this World -- EXCEPT -- love?!!? Love is a chance at fulfilling your soul.

But is that a chance that people are willing to take? I am. Haters don't seem to recognize that attribute. For the fear that they withhold inside of themselves, spending time deconstructing the means of my relationship, they starve their own nourishment of their soul. My woman feeds my soul, as much as she can when she cooks for me. My woman instills growth and security in my ability to effectly love her as being her man. I see a future with her, defined as a goal, revealed as truth in my heart. And you know what they say about envisioning your goal down the road -- you'll always strive to succeed and see that goal accomplished. My life, my love, my heart is hers to co-own. I again say, that she is my rib. My vision is definitely 20/20.

Love is blind. That's how the saying goes. But it is a sight to behold for those who appreciate it and let is grow. Do you think the Greats don't see that and enjoy it? Ozzie Davis & Ruby Dee, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are just a few examples. Do you not think that they love each other? Sure, there are going to be rough moments. There are going to be times when you don't see eye to eye, when you might NOT agree with one another -- but if you let that become the definition of your relationship then you need not be in anymore. Love is our ultimate goal. Loving each other just happens to be the benefit of having a unified desire in mind. I Love my Lady Love -- there is no other way that you can tell me different. Not saying that those in the past have affected me negatively, nor saying that the future is certain...

Because it is sure if you feel it in your heart, and the person accompanying you on your journey is as well. A healthy partnership breeds a healthy relationship -- just as it is in business, the same can be said when concerning matters of the heart... and her heart matters to me.

She has touched my soul in a way where it breathes life into anything that I set to put my mind too. I would like to think that I have done the same. In the time that we spend together, I pray that this feeling continues to grow and usurp the minds of those who like to think otherwise. That is not trying to prove to others the validity of my relationship -- the proof is our actions. And if you don't think that that's enough -- just watch... give it time... you'll be amazed as to what two motivated Black youths can do when love is involved.

I love you, G.P. -- My message from me to you.

"What's Really Real..?!!?"

2004-12-18T18:55:00.000-08:00

-- December 18th, 2004 --

"What makes her human? We know lots of good things about her; I want to know what makes her real."

Good question. My thought on that is that I think those things that I spoke about in "Speechless" ARE what makes her human, what makes her genuine, and real... You would like to speculate that this is mere infactuation or the notion of since I have not been in a relationship for said amount of time that the idea of being with someone who suits my needs (or criteria) is all that I am looking at right now.

I disagree. I mean -- everyone wants their relationship to be drama-free, exempt from lies and situations that seems to hinder every relationship. We have not came to that iceberg, yet. I pray that we don't ever come to that point. Yes, she has flaws, just like I do. But the key is not in our differences, but in our similarities and how we benefit from those being unique between her and I. What's real in my eyes and heart is the change that she's implemented in my being since meeting and getting to know her. Not the type where she's the nagging old lady who says that I have to do this.. "or else," but she's the type who's past has shown me that I have the ability to do the same. It's kind of like what my friend Blitz said after we parted ways from doing business together. He asked me what am I going to do, what is my plan for five years down the road...? Because he was going to continue to do what his passion called of him and wasn't going to stop just because I was no longer a part of the ride. As anyone would do in that predicament. But I see that time is no longer on one's side and that if you are to preserve some sort of legacy that you must make sure that all angles are covered.

I cannot blame my parents for my shortcomings -- even if they are responsible. Because I am a grown man -- if I do not utilize my power to change my destiny, then what am I to become -- an empty vessel? I cannot blame my place of residence for not being able to experience anything outside the confines of Ohio -- because I have the means and the drive to do so. In part, this is her doing because of the sheer enthusiasm that she has for culture. Something that I've mildly been interested in and never afraid to try. She has coerced the Jay-Z/'Pac in me to come out and attack the World. A feeling that has been brewing in me before introducing her into my life, but, when you become a partner in a relationship -- you have the feeling or the want to make sure the person that you are to be with can feel secure in knowing that you WILL handle your business. I have always been the underdog. Too skinny, too short, unlikely to survive the "real world," not strong enough, just has the potential... I have had few in my corner willing to represent for who I feel that I truly am and have it be the same that they see in my persona. She does. A feeling that I would hope grows more and more with even endeavor that we choose to be a part of.

I like her really hard -- and with that feeling, I'm not looking to fall on my face, dig?!!? I've never had a short-term goal when it came to being in a relationship. So, to answer the question, I choose to believe that the comments highlighted on the "Speechless" piece is an accurate portrayal of who she is -- we don't argue, we compromise. Differences aren't meant with seething criticism, they're either worked out, or let go because it's not that important. I trust her now more than I trust most people who've been in my life for years. They are only a handful of people who I can say holds that must respect from me. Until things happen that chinks her armor, I am happy, what's really more real than that?!!?

"Christmakwanukkah"

2004-12-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

-- December 18th, 2004 --

I just really want to wish everyone a great and joyous, "Christmakwanukkah"....

"Speechless"

2004-12-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

-- December 16th, 2004 --

This past year, since the end of 2003 -- at least, I had been ranting and raving about how I couldn't find anyone who was a young, attractive, driven, Black female who was on the same level as me. Some tried... all failed to find a place even remotely close to my heart. I spent 2004 giving advice to friends about what they can do with their relationships, et cetera, earning the nickname -- The Black Dr. Phil. All the while thinking that something might've been wrong with me, that maybe I didn't exude enough confidence that they needed or that I wasn't the type that is popular nowadays in 2004. I wasn't a bling-blingy person, like I used to be in my High School stages. No need to wear a chain with a medallion piece or have a overly-extensive wardrobe. I felt more comfortable in sweats and a tee or in jeans and the same. Didn't fit into the whole "pretty boy," "baby face" category. I mean when I DON'T shave you can add on about five or six years to the age that I am (i.e. -- 22 now, don't shave, think 27-28).

So I stopped. I stopped with the dates. I tried to even stop complaining about not having anyone because it was no longer worth my time. That was the only concern in my mind at the moment -- time. Lack of it, wanting more of it, not being able to do all of what you want to do once you have enough of it -- it became my drug. It became my saving grace. I had learned more about myself through having the time needed to grow into myself and dedicate more work to a work in progress. Sure, there are times just like any man or woman would tell you when the best thing in the World is the inviting smile of another who is feeling your style. There were episodes in which I was indeed rubbed the wrong way by females actions because I was more than confident in my own person and believed that they suited me and that they should be on this side of the fence... where the grass is greener. But alas, that was not to be so...

So... I stopped... It was a liberating experience. Time had passed and I came across this beautiful young lady, whose drive and dedication was incredible. I guess that that is one of my turn-on's. I was really feeling her. The vibe was/is definitely there. In a few past entries, most people who've read this know who I am talking about so there is no need for introduction. But I am happy and relieved to say that I am with her in a relationship. Wow... me... in a relationship... It's a beautiful thing to have someone in your life who likes you real hard. I feel the same way. The hard part is always trying to make it last. See, women are smart individuals -- you can try to sell them a dream, but they'll always see through the routine (unless you're one of those bobblehead girls)... I love my Woman's intelligence, I think it's sexy how far she has used her intellect to her advantage. Graduating in two and a half years, landing a well paying gig, a lot of inspiring things that makes me.. as a man.. look at my life. She's a beautiful woman whom I consider my "Jada" -- she makes me feel like I can conquer anything that is in my path.
I really appreciate her being in my life. I understand that the beginning of the relationship is always the high -- but I want to treat everyday like it's the first day that we met. The excitement. All of that. That is my intention is to grow into a better man that I can continue appreciate the Woman that she is in my life and come to see a fruitful future with her walking by my side.

"The Boyz..."

2004-12-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

-- December 16th, 2004 --

College has to be one of the most rewarding experiences that you can ever have in your life. This picture was taken this year at a party that my boy, Jelani (pictured above throwing up the Kappa Diamond), was throwing. I say that it's rewarding because I've been able to still enjoy the friendship with those who I've known since High School and become as tight of friends with those whom I've met through College.

Us, as Black men, are very unique people. Our personalities, our struggles, our immaturity, our growth, our strength defines us separately, but binds us collectively. My friends are some cool people -- we relate to one another. But... this may sound weird, but... our arguments are the funniest things I've ever been a part of...

Especially between the Twins... I've never seen two brothers go at it like they do. It's a battle for whatever they decide to argue about. Whether it's who gets the car or who has to clean up the room or whatever disagreement decides to rear its ugly head, it's always a show and me and the rest of the guys are there with popcorn and jokes to egg them on. Because you know that your friends are always going to instigate a situation before they diffuse the bomb that's ready to explode. Another cat who's always as entertaining is my boy, 'Quis -- he always so animated, full of energy and you can't argue with him for shit. Duke should be a lawyer, because he NEVER forgets anything and can always uses it for his advantage. I mean it is insane. Him and Jabari will get into it and 'Bari is just like his dad -- full of ANGER!!! ...if necessary... But 'Quis would be the only person that I know who could turn all that fireball of energy and rage into a shrill silence because he wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

"The Boyz" an extension of my crew from High School -- many experiences have been had with these guys. My boy Ranon is one of the funniest guys I know. He can impersonate anybody if you give him enough time to watch your mannerisms. I respect all these people for their individuality and continued striving to be the best in what they desire to do with themselves. I am proud to call them my friends. It's good to have friends in this World, even when you feel like you're alone sometimes.

"What The @#$%...?!!!?!!?"

2004-12-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

-- December 16th, 2004 --

On the eve of another Christmas celebration -- I have to do something new before 2005 approaches. It's going to be called...

"What The @#$%...?!!!?!!?"

The above picture is a result of this idea. Just lend your thoughts as to what you think these two are doing, why, and basically just dog the hell out of 'em.

"The Black Eclipse"

2004-12-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

-- December 9th, 2004 --

There must be something in the water. Pod people. A mass hypnosis. Something that has to explain why Black folks have been acting so loopy lately! My friend believes that it has to do with the eclipse that we had in the beginning of November.

The Eclipse Theory

She believes that since the eclipse that happened on that day that Black folks all across the U.S. have lost their natural born minds and became enraged for no apparent reason.

Some reasoning behind this is after the Eclipse, after my friend's pro show the Delta's and the Sigma Gamma Rho's got into a big melee fight. I mean BIG!!!! These were grown women acting like it was the Royal Rumble and the winner gets the championship belt. The fight eventually got broken up by Kent's "finest" as the Greeks left campus quickly in an assortment of automobiles....

...Only to find their way to an apartment complex (where most of them reside) and duke it out AGAIN!!!! This time they have an assortment of items -- a gun here, a knife there. Cops have to return to break it up and the report goes out through the wire that those females were doing it BIG out there that night. That the beef was that serious for them to go through those means of trying to hurt one another.

A couple of days after that -- a fight broke out after a party in Akron. I heard about this from one of the participants. He said that he saw these guys throwing up a sign that was a resemblance of a sign they throw up when they're in the club and these guys aren't from the same hood. So, words are exchanged, shoves and pushes are gradually given out through the rampaging song of Lil' Jon's "What We Gon' Do?!!?" -- a fight escalates. Shuts down the party. The occupants are filed outside where the fight continues; this time involving members of the security and Akron's police. Some of those who fought ran and dispersed getting away in their cars.

A week or so afterwards at SAME CLUB a fight broke out in the parking lot after the club was over. Some football players from an unmentionable University, just walked up to a dude who was poppin' off at the mouth and stomped him like it was Young Buck, T.I., and Ludacris. Duke got laid out like a mink rug. He wasn't moving. The police were on the scene, but those who were a part of it dipped out with the quickness. Nothing really could be done because those who left were so amped that they were talking too fly and it pissed off the cops who were there in the beginning to help them. Sucks for them, huh?

A week later -- the Piston and Pacers game. If you didn't see it... Wow.. You missed out on it. I mean the fan that got clocked by Ron Artest AND Jermaine O'Neal took that mess HARD!!! Ben Wallace should've gotten into it one on one with Artest and ROCKED him. Don't forget the Clemson fight -- I only seen highlights of that on Sportscenter. But still, I heard a dude who didn't have a helmet on got wrecked viciously.

All in all, we're giving people more and more incentive to say that we're overly-paid athletes or thugs with no home training. Do you think that this will continue? Is it because of the Eclipse or because of something else?

"Who Do We Thank?!!?"

2004-12-09T13:42:00.000-08:00

-- December 9th, 2004 --

Roughly a month after the November 2nd, 2004 Presidental Election, after countless speeches, conventions, canvassing up and down people's streets trying to get Kerry into the White House...

He QUITS...

And George W. Bush's reign of terror continues for the next four years. Someone CAN put a stop to it if they have the balls, but let's just go with the idea that Bush is not going anywhere soon. Has anyone else noticed the total revamping of his Cabinet? I mean out with the Old and in with the New, I guess. Bush is making more position changes than Paris Hilton in that sex tape. (I haven't seen the tape... lol)

It is a sad state of affairs that we live in when THE biggest Superpower in the World is trying to play Supercop.

Two things that people should see are --

The Secret Evil of 9/11 -- "Click Here"

And...

The Pentagon Strike -- "Click Here"

So... the question is... who do we thank? Do we thank Kerry for making his conscious effort to bow out of a campaign that he couldn't win due to the fact that Bush seemingly was the "people's choice"..? Do we thank Bush for the things that he's going to work on for these next four years? Especially given his track record the last four years, should we thank him for at least being consistent? Do we thank P. Diddy...? He urged millions, as did the rest of the entertainment world, to "Vote or Die." With his shirts ranging from the $35-$47 price range (plus tax) -- how many of you are thankful that you bought one of his shirts? Even so, how many people should even be thankful that he was trying to get your voice (or was it his) heard?

Do we thank the people who voted this past Novemeber. In Ohio, the problem and fear was that those who were convicted felons did NOT have the right to vote. Very few publications or radio stations made that fact know that felons who fit a certain criteria did have the right to vote. This is going to be a very trying four years with this President leading the charge. The soldiers are already feeling the sting. G.I.'s questioned Rumsfield about not having the right armor to be protected as they make for their excursion (one-year long excursion) north of Iraq. Do we thank the Secretary of Defense for making our soldiers safe in the middle of enemy territory?

With all these changes happening both here and abroad, who are we to look to in order of seeing some type of glimmer of hope. Things look so bleek that the U.S. are asking for Kofi Annan's resignation? Why? Is it because he detests the war? That he is trying to strive for some type of peace in a World that has been deemed with so much corruption and betrayal. I guess that's why the U.N. decided to give him thanks for standing his ground -- by giving a standing ovation. Not something that hadn't happened since Bill Clinton went to speak during the "Lewinsky scandal".

In closing, are you ready for what is going to happen in these four years. The disenfranchised are going to be impoverished more if there is nothing to supplement some sort of income to those who are in need. Where have all the "champions" for a just cause gone? P. Diddy wanted to be a political activist, yet, after the election he's went on to try and conquer some other business endeavor that is going to benefit lining his pockets. All those who have the power to enlist some sort of change in American life, have become mute since Bush has won the election. Do we thank them for really showing us that there really aren't anymore revolutionaries anymore?

"Never Been In Love"

2004-12-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

-- December 1st, 2004 --

I lied. I have been in love before. It was with my ex and she was my first everything. I would go to the mountaintop and choke a llama for that girl at the time. It was that deep. The relationship was that strong. It wasn't all smooth and trust me, I didn't ALWAYS like her -- but I stuck it out because love was what kept her name from coming off of my lips everytime.

That was some time ago and with the end of that union came bitterness and anger towards womankind. I spent that time healing, trying to date, coming to grips with the fact that not every woman was like her. Even last year, I was dating, in search of someone who was compatible to my needs and wants -- I was ready to be in a relationship at that time. It didn't happen. Again, I was pushed off to the other side for someone who was the "thug" or "pretty boy" or whatever trend appeared to be the now as opposed to who I was as a Black man who wasn't looking for anything more than someone to spend some time with. With 2004 slowly coming to an end, I wasn't looking -- I mean I would complain about how stupid females had to be to not notice me -- the same generic complaints that any single person would make. But I didn't make it necessary for me to do anything. I wasn't dating, I wasn't worried about it, maybe to a fault. I hadn't come to a good enough grips with myself to even believe that I was capable of maintaining and keeping a relationship healthy and going strong. I am apprehensive lightweight with the journey that I am trying to take now that I am feeling a Sistah who is interestested in me.

Since I have become a full-functioning Adult (21+) -- I have not been in a relationship since and my apprehension in this case is that I do not want to mess up a good thing. Whether that be with my lame jokes or corny expressions (strictly a Kent thing, I'm positive.. lol) -- I really appreciate this Sistah's presence. But I know nothing is perfect, I REALLY know that nothing is promised in a relationship -- it's just that when I look into her eyes I question if I have what it takes to keep that sparkle there, that smile across her face. I'm pretty sure that I can. But what do you do when you've been out of the loop. With these things it's pretty much hit or miss and I wouldn't want to miss out on a good thing that she represents right now by being in my presence.

Is it a fear of failure that may hold me back from just grabbing onto this feeling with both hands and just riding it out? It might be...? I really do not know. I am pretty sure that it has some part to play in it. They always say that "actions speak louder than words" and so far the actions on both sides have been honesty and forthright. The game that is being played is amicable and fair. I should just appreciate that for what it is and not spend too much time overthinking the possibilities and nuances that may or may not happen. ...But it's hard when you see the innate good within a person and are familiar with your own flaws. Harder when you sometimes don't feel that they'll work themselves out in the long run.

I may have been in love before -- I may have been burned by the one who I chose to receive my heart. But I do understand that everyone deserves their chance to shine, no matter what the circumstances may be. No matter what fear lurks inside of myself, the actions that have played themselves out during this courtship have been a blessing for me, a light in the midst of a dark time filled with uncertainty and doubt. Acknowledging that, I am trying to go into this new chapter in my life living it and enjoying it with her, G.P., as if I've never been in love before.

"No Limits -- Resistance Is Futile"

2004-12-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

-- December 1st, 2004 --

Life is funny sometimes. It seems like everyday a punchline can be inserted to inject some sort of humor into your mundane existence. The joke doesn't necessarily have to be funny to be funny. One the way to work... already late... and get a flat tire -- funny. We live life to serve a purpose. This meaning for our existence shrouded -- only being shown glimpses in abilities you possess through hereditary or habits learned from parents or other mentors.

It sucks to not know what you want to do with your life. The mystery of not knowing how it is all going to play out. True, you have those who know off bat what they're going to do and have the drive to accomplish that feat. But there are a multitude of people who are like myself and do NOT know what they to do with themselves. Parents can make suggestions, friends can over advice -- but in the end, it is all left up to you. I am beginning to believe that I have a gift with my writing. Friends, associates, many people who choose to just read my thoughts are impressed with the way that I write. I would love to know what I can do with that gift. I know and believe that there is no limit that you can go to if you choose it to be that way. But it is hard to take the sacrifices necessary in order to ensure your survival. The path that I have taken to be a better man started when I came across this thought one night...

"Your desire for success must outweigh your fear of failure."

It is the American dream to be more than well-to-do. To have no worries about how bills are to be paid, to have enough cars, money, et cetera -- to be able to live your life comfortably. We have been shown this through examples on television with our entertainers, our sporting events with well-known athletes, even affluent politicians who had been thrusted into the limelight profit off of the word known as "celebrity". Is that what it takes to ensure that your family has its needs fulfilled?

I do not believe so. Everyone would want their name to be known, to be able to be recognized. It would be a "godsend" to not have to worry about the house note or car not will be paid because the contract you just signed or the bi-weekly check that you received is more than enough to cover anything you wish to have in your entire life. I believe that that is possible, but it doesn't necessarily have to be with those examples listed above in order to ensure monetary prosperity. But this is just a rant from a young man at the age of 22 who is unsure still about what his purpose is on this Earth. The pieces are slowly coming into frame and I am losing fear about my abilities moreso as the days progress.

I am eager to conquer the World. To deny me is to deny my rightful place amongst those who have toiled long and hard to make a change in their life. Add my name to the list. I will be one to remember.

"I Believe I Can Fly..."

2004-11-29T22:52:00.000-08:00

-- November 29th, 2004 --

I am a hopeless romantic. For a rehabed-cynic, born-again lover, the fact that I am still a hopeless romantic if surprising. Why? Because I believe that there is something out there that can unite my heart to another that leaves us with limitless possibilities to conquer the future. Some may attribute this feeling to G.P. -- which is in part true. I didn't expect or even fathom the feelings that I have for her would even be the case. It. Just. Happened. The other part is that everybody has the innate belief within themselves that there is, indeed, someone out there that compliments the person they are. I see that in G.P.

Although she knows how I may feel, I wonder has she ever looked into my eyes to search for herself? I'm one of those people where actions speak more volumes than words ever could. I look at her sometimes in disbelief, other times in admiration, but all in all I look at her. She always replies with a, "What?!!" -- like I should have something to say, but sometimes a Man loves to just bask in the glory that is a Woman. Which is why I am comfortable with where I am at with her.

Sunday, I finally believed that I could fly -- or at least outrun the police (inside joke...)...

I am not the most devout person. Ernest Angley may have me beat on the religious tip, but I am making the effort to learn. As I have stated in previous articles on this site, I had discrepencies with organized religion and so forth. To shorten it up -- the Black churches in Kent are either non-existent or corrupt. So, I ventured with G.P. to her Church. It was a good feeling. The fellowship was constant -- at every other turn it was a hug here or saying some kind word there. Which was welcomed. Even though I had a slight time adjusting to it, it was a good sight to behold. The Pastor or Preacher -- whatever you want to call him -- was great. He seemingly spoke to me. I would like to return. I know the drive is big -- but I know that it is a necessity for me to grown into a better man.

She was by my side. Any man would say that it's great to have a good woman who can compliment your strengths and weaknesses, but it's better to experience it. I welcome the challenges that are ahead of me with a strength that I never had in past relationships. Without being cliché, I have to say that, she is different. A welcomed change of pace. I want to learn her. Study who she is. As I would hope that the same is to be said from her. I am in a good place. She is a great way to bring in the new year. I never claim to be the smartest man or the best one at that -- but I would be the sheer opposite of those things if I were to let her fall by the wayside.

I am a hopeless romantic. And where this may be my attempt at laying my heart on the line for your reading pleasure, it is my professing of my admiration for someone who has definitely garnered my attention. Which is indeed not an easy thing to do. I believe that I can fly... and I am looking forward to no longer soaring in the clouds alone.

"God & Girls"

2004-11-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

-- November 27th, 2004 --

I am dating. Yes, once again I am taking that chance to express myself to the opposite sex. It seems to be working because one in particular is interested in me as much as I am in her. A change seems to be event because patience is indeed a virtue in this situation. I have been a firm believer that if I was to be interested in another woman the way that I am now that I would take it as slow as possible. For those who know me, know how aggressive of a person I can be -- it's in my nature. So, for me to change my ways is a good sign of the direction that I wish to take in my life currently.

Others wish to have that same feeling. A song that recently was introduced to me was, "Cater 2 U," by Destiny's Child -- that song is what EVERY man wants at least ONCE! But I'm getting off subject.

I am not a deeply religious person, I admit that. I am willing to learn, which differentiates me from most people. But what do you do when you are a devout person trying to go about getting into a relationship slowly and try to do it the "right" way? Can feelings be invested if you've never laid eyes on this person? Does love blossom under the conditions that I will go into detail about?

A friend of mines is in love. A beautiful feeling if anything. She insists that he is in love with each other and that they will be indeed be together for a long time. That he is... "the One." One thing stopping me from saying that that is true -- she's never seen him. She's never been in his presence. She doesn't have his phone number. She contacts him through means of e-mails and instant messager messages. He calls her, but not on a regular basis. Can love blossom through those means? One would say that communication is the key to making a relationship work, but if that is the only means without a visual aid -- is it worth doing the work if there is no payoff?

I am good friends with this Sistah -- she is a good person. Don't know the history of whom she may have been in her younger days, but what she says that she is doing to better herself is indeed admirable. I feel sad that she doesn't see what is right in front of her face -- meaning the truth about her "relationship". Mind you, I am not trying to condemn or put hate upon the relationship -- if she finds some type of satisfaction from it that she can be happy with, then more power to her. But I would hope that some type of common sense is being applied to the rules and regulations of a "relationship". I really hope the best for her and her union because she is making progress as a person and to put her hopes into something that is NOT stable is something that may make or break her relationship with the Lord.

What would you do? Questions remain the height of the relationship. More doubt and cloudiness are more involved than quality time and intimate moments. If a man cannot be open with you and still be able to profess the love for another -- is it true? Is it genuine? Is there a story to be told? A lie can continue to be expressed if distance is lengthened. I really hope that it is not true, that this brotha can open himself up because she is in "love" with the faceless man. No trial, no tribulation can outlast those whom you deeply love. If this is true -- God-willing -- then, no problems should be had by both my friend and her mate, as far as this certain issue is concerned. But if not, use your judgement, do NOT get wrapped up in words -- because words are shallow when expressed with no meaning or intent.

But the question still remains -- what would YOU do?

"When The Lights Go Out?!!?"

2004-11-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

-- November 26th, 2004 --

R.I.P. ODB

It is funny how family can be the end of an era. Ol' Dirty Bastard (born Russell Jones) passed away not too long ago. He left this World without naming a benefactor -- no will whatsoever. He didn't make plans to make sure that his family and others would be taken care of in the event of his demise. Sad, but true. My "second" Father, Doc, had a discussion with me a while ago. During this conversation he said to me, "What do you do when the lights go out?"

Now, he was using this in reference to when his power went out and the fact that he kept a lot of lanterns stored for just in case something like that was to happen. But let's dwelve deeper.

"What do you do when the lights go out?"

We as Black folks might be ill-prepared for what life has prepared for us and moreso when we close our eyes for good. How many people do you know have a Will and Testament prepared...? How many people know about their health premium? Or insurance policy? Do you know the fundamental things that it takes to live this life? Not just concerning life and death... just the day to day rigors itself?

I can honestly say that I do not fit into that category. I do not know. Most people know how to get insurance, which I am pretty sure that it's not hard. But myself and a lot of my friends live in the bubble of that we're young and still invincible and that when we get 30-plus that that is when we will start making arrangements and whatnot. I believe that this is a cultural thing. I am assuming in all honesty that White folks do not have that problem. That a child's parents makes sure that this is established long before they reach the age to worry about it and that when they are nearing that age they are informed in the steps that they have to take in order to make sure everything is "take care of." I fall into that percentage of the uninformed. I no longer wish to be in that bracket. My parents didn't instruct me on my health insurance, only to say that you aren't going to be on mines when you turn such-and-such age. I don't know how to go about constructing a will. A part in why I don't is because I am only a newly-turned 22 year old, what possessions if anything do I have to leave behind. What assets? Property? Nothing in my 22 years have amounted to anything. That is indeed sad.

A book referred to me by an old friend which I haven't had the time to get yet was, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," if anyone has heard or read this book, please give me a review. I understand the fundamental differences between Blacks and Whites, and notice that it doesn't boil down to race in this matter. It basically is based upon those who are prepared and those who are unprepared. With the approaching new year and with new goals on my horizon, one of my long-term goals is to be prepared to change the habits of old and grow forward into a better plateau. So that when my lights eventually go out it doesn't last long for those who still remain in the house after I'm gone.

"Turkey Days, Cops, Girls... and Other Stuff..."

2004-11-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

-- November 26th, 2004 --

Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all those who enjoyed and celebrated the occasion. One thing remains the same over all of my years of feasting at the dinner table with Black folks -- Black people KNOW they can eat some food! I mean -- the macaroni and cheese was inhaled last night!!! Anyways, Thanksgiving was somewhat a depressing moment because I was not with MY family on that day. My family didn't do anything for Thanksgiving, no cooking, no turkey, no cranberry sauce -- so I went with my "sister" to eat with her family and get my fill. Aside from that, it was a great moment. A feeling that I wished I could've felt with those who are my family.

It sucks to have family been miles and miles away. All my extended family live in Louisiana. The last time I recall being down there was when my Grandmother passed away (R.I.P.) -- the last time anyone of my family came up here was when my cousin had a game in Detroit and they were just passing through. It lightweight sucks that we all can't be close like I am with most of my friends whom I consider as family. But I guess that is the way that things go.

In other news, I was AGAIN stopped by the police -- nothing majorly happened, it's just that I have an extreme distaste for the "Boys".

If you do not know the power that you, Black women, have over the mind, body, and spirit of a Black man -- then just check this out.

Turkey Jam was a big thing at this club -- my friends and I went with the inclination that we were going to get up in there and wreck shop. I was there with the Neo-Que's and the Neo-Kappas since I was friends with all them so we get there and the line is down wrapped around the block. The police said that the line was crowding the door and that no one would get in until everyone moves back. Yet, they allowed LeBron's james HS teammates to walk right in no problem. So, people move back but not enough to the satisfaction of the officers and the security staff -- so the police said that no one was getting in... GO HOME! 3/4th of the people bounced out due to frustration and frostbit. We STILL stayed -- my friends just wanted to go in and dance, just get one twurk. I was good. I would've been better off chillin' at the house instead of chillin' with my fingers and toes becoming numb. It was about one o'clock and the club closes about 2:45-3:00. Go figure. Add on the fact that they're taxing the door and it costs like 15 dollars to get in. Would YOU want to go in? I didn't. But they kept seeing the fine phillies through the glass window and wanted to be a part of it. It wasn't money coming out of my pocket anyway, so it was cool whatever we did.

About 1:30 -- they started letting people in and we were a part of that bunch. I get up to the security guy and this is what happened...

Security: "You can't come in with those pants on..."

-- I was wearing some sweatpants...

Me: "Man, we've been waiting here since 12, patient with y'all, moving farther and farther back, still about to walk up in there and pay 20 DOLLARS for about an hour and a half worth of dancing -- and you telling me that I can't get in?!!!!?"

Security: "...yep!"

Me: "You cocky, sonuva---"

Security: "What'd you say?" [menacing look]

Me: "I guess I'll be leaving now..."

Man, them dudes just wanted to be close to some Black females, paid twenty dollars to do so, and was right back out within the next hour. Y'all Sistahs have it good. :)

Hope that everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and got their full. College students make sure you bring back those good leftovers back to the dorm. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous.

"Hurts So Bad, It Feels Good"

2004-11-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

-- November 23rd, 2004 --

A friend once told me that once you've loved a Black woman with more than what is in your pants -- that it's hard to shake her from your system. Maybe then that is why some men put themselves in the predicament that they do? It must hurt to love someone but not able to love them fully 100 and 10 percent of your heart. To constantly have them come to you and be a part of your daily routine, but in the back of your mind you are somewhat annoyed at their increasingly bad habits, lazy demeanor, or inherit lack of trust that they show to you on the daily.

Worst that you've spent the bulk of your teenage years going into your adult stages still attached to a person who shows no real signs of changing. Or has the type of change where they say that THIS is what I'm going to do and they do it for one to two months and then they revert back to the same old tried and true self. You constantly feel addicted to their touch and generally are predisposed to wanting to be with the person. But for some reason... you cannot commit... Whether it be infidelity or otherwise, something is tugging at your heart not to let it go asunder. But will you adhere to that sign? Love is a powerful drug. And loving someone with your heart is as similar to shooting up drugs into the vein. The rush is indescribable. It's hard to tear yourself away from something that you've known for a large amount of time. Hence the reason why most people rarely REALLY stray from the person who captured their heart to begin with.

I was a victim at the time I was with my ex. This was long ago. I broke the bond that held us together. We were heading in two different paths -- she was still stuck on B2K, fights, and trying not to get put in juvie. I was expanding, thinking about our culture as Blacks, and trying to learn more about who I am as a Man. No conversation flowed forth from our lips. I was instantly angered when in her presence. The feeling may have been mutual. It may have became a who can use who type situation -- I don't know. But an event that happened back in the day made me believe in the power that is -- LOVE. It was this event that made me understand that anything can hurt so bad, that in the end -- somehow -- you feel good. Let me explain.

My ex and I were on the outs. We still talked. Thought that we were going to "work it out" -- in hindsight, that was never going to be, not on her part nor mines because there wasn't any "soul" left in the relationship. It was going to be my first time going to New York and I gave that trip up to help her get Driver's license. On the way down there, I was cool -- bumping the latest joint by Jay-Z and enjoying the Summer breeze. But the minute that she stepped into my car an icy feeling gripped the whole tripped to the DMV. No words were said. Hardly any movement except for shifting in the seat or adjusting the seatbelt or me occasionally changing the radio station. It was like a dreary feeling had placed itself in that vehicle. Time had passed. Made it to the DMV where she eventually failed her driver's test. I had to drive back to her house to drop her off. Angered because I gave up a trip to New York all so that she could fail to get her license didn't help either, because now she wanted to "try" and be cordial, when previously, my attempts at trying to get her to understand about manueverability were refuted vehemently. So... upon reaching her home... letting her out of the car... she came across and gave me a hug.

It was at that point where the mood changed. The monkey seemingly hopped off of our backs -- I didn't want to let her go. The love had welled up in my heart again off of a single touch of her body pressed on my. But my face held the truth. It was sheer confusion as to why would I, of all people, feel like this...?!!? I mean I was angry, upset, PISSED!!! Now, I was at ease?!!? She saw the look on my face and asked, "What was wrong?" But I didn't know how to put it into words. I told her that that would be the last time that she would see or speak to me though. Wrong, maybe? But something was telling me that the relationship was no longer right and that was a BIG SIGN!!!

So, I understand what some of my male friends may be going through. Wanting to leave behind someone who you thought had the potential to be your everything. But when the signs are written on the wall in fluorescent paint -- it's time to say goodbye. The hardest part of all. Because who wants to let someone go who may essentially care about you as a person. Furthermore, someone who is intimate with you where friends, associates, and family members cannot be. But, if you are constantly arguing, trying to run for the gate -- wishing to escape, and then stop once you're on the brink of freedom... then understand one thing...

Love has a hold on you... and isn't going to let go of your heart anytime soon. Sucks because a relationship holds circumstances that could hurt your heart so bad, but can feel good in the blink of an eye.

"Updates" Part II

2004-11-23T13:56:00.000-08:00

-- November 23rd, 2004 --

Yes, I haven't written in this for awhile. I was celebrating my birthday since last Thursday. For those who know me or those who are getting to know me -- understand that I love this time of the year. I look at it like it's a Holiday. Well, anyways... I figured that I should clue y'all into my whereabouts for the past week or so.

Thursday -- I went out on a date (for those who read the piece about my sabbatical, trust and understand that I am taking my time with this one...) -- it was great. I was actually NERVOUS. That doesn't happen too often, so she has to be someone that I figure is unique. The University sponsored a free showing of Alexander before it was to be released nationwide in theaters -- students got free tickets. So, I had a few free tickets and invited her to come with... We get there and it was sold out. I decided that we should see "Saw" -- no point in wasting a trip, especially if I'm paying... :)

Great movie. If you have a chance -- go see it. In my opinion, it's better than "The Grudge" -- I'm a big suspense, "who done it," type of guy. One of my favorite movie's of all times is "The Usual Suspects" and "Seven"...so, this movie was right up my alley. For those who seen it know how annoying that doll is... Funny, how people who are sooooo "gangsta" when they go in the movies, become a punk during the scary stuff. So... the date and I had fun. She showed interests... which was good...

Friday -- This was the culmination of the Que's Founder's Week. I had performed some of my poetry at the "Women's Appreciation Night" which was also slick. But on Friday... it was all about the Apollo Night. It was in the Ballroom -- much more spacious than where it was held the year before... so the boo's were more potent and vile... Black folks need to do more than be able to sing and dance for a talent. ...And there was... the miscellaneous rappers... Oh, my gawrsh, we're dying by the hundreds. It was hilarious though. I couldn't boo -- I guess I believe in karma. But I know that in my mind I was hoping that someone would take more than half of these lames off the stage. Some people in particular should just hang it up and stick to attaining that degree... but, who am I to judge...?

*Sidenote: Black folks in College can NEVER have an African-American Idol, because they're more inclined to rank on people rather than judge them accordingly.

After the Apollo Night, I went to the Robin Hood to go see my best friend Jelani (pictured below) stroll...

He's proud about being a Kappa and that's cool -- but it was WAY too packed at the Robin Hood. It only fits about 350 people, there was a lot more than that. I extremely dislike having to get through a sea of people over and over again JUST to dance. Let there be SOME type of space. So, I bounced out. Try to call ol' girl and she was asleep, so I went to sleep.

Saturday -- [In Dave Chappelle voice] "It's a celebration, BITCHES!!! I can never be traditional, we threw a little party on Saturday to celebrate my Birthday after midnight on Saturday. It was good. Earlier in the day, G.P. came down to see me and we spent most of the day hanging out. Always cool to be around someone who is unique. Well... she cheated at pool, won one game of air hockey (I won the other game), and walked around campus until we reached Chipotle's. I ate, she watched. We took pictures. Joked and laughed. Went to hang out with my boy Kent -- he, of course, had company. My sister, Samantha, was there...

*Sidenote: She got me this ill Malcolm X t-shirt. Thanks again!!!

It was shaping up to be a great birthday winning weekend for K-Star. We hung out for a while, texting G.P. in-between downs of College Football 2005 for Playstation 2. Oh.. I forgot, Ivana -- shouts out to you as well -- she got me, "The Spook Who Sat By The Door," -- the book (I had wanted the DVD) -- but, it's still all well and good, got to read and keep the temple strong. :)

So, after PS2, me and G.P. went back to my house and watch "The Butterfly Effect." I had already seen it (or so I thought), and she was interested in the movie.. she kind of got lost, but it wasn't nothing too bad... But I guess it had an alternate ending, because I hadn't seen that ending. The ending I had seen was different than the one we were watching at the time. But all well and good. We started watching something else and the flirting was good. I'm the master of the flirt! :)

....It was then.... we kissed... it was soft, yet passionate -- becoming strong over the course of our lips being united. :) Okay, too much information...

We go back to the dorm where the party is already starting and popping off for me, you know!! Associates, those who I am cool with, friends, and those who are close like family to me are all in my presence as I walk up and down using my birthday as the excuse as to why I should be granted everything under the Sun. After the stroke of midnight, it was officially my DAY!!! My birthday!!! :) G.P. bounced out to head back home. We STILL talked after she got home for about an hour or so. It's great right now. I hope that it lasts.

We partied till about 5 o'clock in the morning. Passed out. My hyperactive self woke up at 8:36 in the morning and played GTA: San Andreas until everyone else woke up.

Sunday -- Was treated to a birthday breakfast and a treat of food until I had my full. I got "Van Helsing" on DVD as a gift, the Malcolm X t-shirt, money, a couple of e-cards, some real cards, it was great! Still got some more gifts on the way. My birthday was great. I really enjoyed it.

Well, that was a little bit of what has been up. I'll try to write more when I get the chance to. Be Blessed and Stay Righteous, y'all...

"A Beautiful Struggle"

2004-11-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

-- November 7th, 2004 --

"...But she a Gemini, so stay on that friendly side,
She'll put that look on you that's like someone's friend just died..."

Talib Kweli -- "Black Girl Pain"

Shouts out to my friend J for the picture. :)

Relationships take work. Hard work. You have to be about your business in every sense of the word. Funny how life revolves around similarities. A few months ago, I was going through that whole "funk" about why am I single... oh, woe is me type mess. But gone are those days.

A new day is dawning...

It surprises me as to how many people do not value what a relationship truly is. This is not talking from just a "Maury Povich" perspective. Those who I have let in or around my inner circle have subtly acknowledged the things that I see in them. Doesn't make sense? Well, let me paint the picture.

My friend constantly goes through the trials and tribulations of a relationship that he's not even in. I mean -- him and his chick are on-and-off -- hence the problem that he continually puts himself in. He's not with her. So... some of the things that he goes through isn't really necessary. Like tonight for instance -- she was wondering about his whereabouts, upset that he didn't call her, and furious that he spent his time with someone who was considered a friend.

It is interesting to see what we will put ourselves through in the name of "love". All of this has been an eye-opener to me, in regards of what I now know what my limits are now -- being single... BUT have no earthly idea what I would put up with if I was in love. I know what I let slide by and what I hid deep down in my heart when it occurred, but who's to say that it is different after three years? I would only hope and believe that I wouldn't have to go through what others go through in a relationship to THAT extreme.

Which makes me come to the conclusion that I may not be all THAT ready for a relationship. But will welcome "dates" as they come along. :) I want to be able to give the strength and commitment that the woman whom I'm with deserves. I also want to be able to have that sense of self to understand that a woman whom I choose to spend time with would appreciate me as much as I do her. But all of this is meaningless right now, seeing as how I am not being approached in that manner. :)

It's all good though, because life... love... all in all, is a beautiful struggle (thanks for the quote, Kweli) -- and I am going to enjoy it all as it comes. (Seventeen more days till my 22nd B-Day -- those who know me know where to send gifts, those who wish to do the same, get at me!)

On a final note -- to you... I want to let you know that I am interested in you. My curiosity is peaked by more than your physical. As I would hope to not be in the same vein as those other "Scorpios" who have infiltrated your past. I write this in hopes that I am not rushing into anything other than creating a more fulfilled and genuine friendship between two like-minded individuals.

Sidenote -- Since you are stealing my idea... I have to keep SOME type of tabs on you. :)

Lastly, I would like to know that I will do my best to try and not be like others, but still respect you and be honest with you like all the rest do and should.

"Updates"

2004-11-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

-- November 5th, 2004 --

It's been a minute since I last posted something, so I'll give you some updates.

Voted. It was my first time voting for a Presidential Candidate. The media blitz had been intense since May. I was working for a company that was trying to bring awareness to a progressive candidate (i.e. Kerry). Puff was threatening death to people who didn't cast their vote. Michael Moore came to my campus to reinterate the importance of our vote and that Bush is indeed a stupid white man in office. The Youth was backed by BET, MTV, anyone who wished to put a spotlight on the 18-23 year old demographic and tap into their hopes and fears unlike any other election prior to. All in hopes of getting everyone with the ability to vote to do so.

...then, in the end...

BUSH WINS!!!!

Hmph!!! All that effort flushed down the drain for what? Some damn "VOTE OR DIE" T-Shirts. I mean now that basically everyone's hopes have been shattered -- how do you get them to vote in four years?

...Moving on...

Congratulations to my boys for crossing those burning sands of Omega Psi Phi. I took this picture when they were doing their probate show (or pro-show). It was live. I mean I don't know how many people have ever been to one, but if you ever get a chance to see one, it's interesting to be a part of one. Catchphrase of that night was, "The Truth is in the BUILDING..." Oh, another one that had people singing that whole night and a few days afterwards was...

"I used to drive a Cadillac...
...But my DP took it back...
Now, I drive a Chevrolet...
Cause I'm pledging EVERYDAY!!"

...Continuing...

Is the West Coast back?!!?

Forget what you heard... scrap anything that was left in your mind a few months back. Detox is back on! I'm glad to be hearing that Dre will be putting out his final album before he just focuses on producing. For those that do not know about Detox -- listen to The Game's album when it drops -- some of the beats that were to be used for the album will be on his featured debut. Is it just me or is Aftermath shaping up to be quite a powerhouse. Busta Rhymes & Flipmode Squad, 50 Cent & G-Unit, Slim Shady, Eve, Stat Quo, Sha Money XL -- Dre himself... Business will be good for this quarter and next quarter releases.

....Last, but not least!!!

What more can I say?!!?

Live the hype! See the truth unfold in front of your eyes... Look as there WAS peace and harmony between Jay-Hov and R. Kellz. I am a BIG Jay-Z fan, if there ever was one, nah'mean! I had to buy "Streets is Watching" when it came on DVD, but anyways -- if this is showing in a theater near you, go peep it. It's not where I'm at and I'm lightweight salty, but when/if comes out on DVD -- I WILL COP!

That is all for the updates... I'll be back soon enough. Be Blessed & Stay Righteous.

"My Sister & Me..."

2004-10-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

-- October 26th, 2004 --

Family is a beautiful thing, isn't it? To know that someone has your back till the wheels fall off is a refreshing and safe feeling, right? Wish I could share that feeling with my immediate family. The people who I came into this World knowing as my family are a bunch of looney-tunes. Not saying that they won't have my back and wouldn't try to fight my battles, it's just that I know that everything with my family has a price. Mainly a monetary price.

I had to fill out a FAFSA form for my Spring semester at the University I attend. So, money is very tight for Kevin right now because he needs to be able to have loot for books and other miscellaneous bills that may rear its ugly head. Upon telling that to my family and being on campus for the play that I'm in (picture coming soon) -- I was under the belief that they were going to support what I was trying to do. WRONG! I had came back home one night after play practice to see a bill sitting in front of this very computer that I am on right now.

The bill was for... get this... $2,654.18. Now where they got 18 cents from is beyond my reason of comprehension. But, the bill wasn't all that far-fetched. Listing some things for my car insurance (monthly) and putting some funds in for the electric bill, were understandable and well within reason. But I could NOT fathom how could someone try and tax me for sleeping on the couch where I live?!!? $10 for sleeping on the couch, $20 dollars for sleeping in. Hell, I didn't have anything else to do till a certain time. Nothing to be done around the house, so if I laid on the couch until 9:45 when my Mom goes to work at 8:45, doesn't seem too harsh, now, does it?!!?

I was livid. I told one of my best and closest friends about it and her words were -- "Get out of the house... IMMEDGIATELY!!!

That is her in the picture with me. It was taken some time ago at her family's block party in Akron (home of LeBron James). I say that she is my sister because she has always been there for me through thick and thin when others weren't. When my own sister had (and has) her habit of doing shady business, my best friend is there to rectify the situation.

In part, I am writing this to express my gratitude to her for us not only being friends for a hella long time (is it going on double-digit years, yet?!), but to also to tell her the potential that she has within her own faculties.

S. Boogie -- you are going to accomplish great works sooner as opposed to later. You have the drive, ambition, courage, and resolve to be the best at whatever you decide to put your mind to. Those divas need to understand that there. Do not sweat the small stuff -- who cares if you don't have a boyfriend or a Man or whatever people want to call it. It only hinders you in the long run. Look at Oprah -- she ain't married Stedman and she's a BILLIONAIRE!!!! You have opportunity beating down your door, so let that be your guide to everything else you wish to have in life. I am proud to call you my friend, elated to know you as my best friend, and inspired enough to say that you are family in my eyes. Love you, always -- be blessed and stay righteous.

Your Little Brother -- K-Star...

"There's No Us in Trust"

2004-10-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

-- October 26th, 2004 --

"How could you do this to me?!!" "What made you think of such a thing?!!?" "With who?!!?" "...why...?"

Questions from the heart of a person who has been done wrong too many times... by too many people. Yes, I know that you have been hurt, led astray, misused, abused, and left for dead by some miscellaneous man or woman who has decided that you no longer fit the equivalent of who they want in a relationship. It understandable to ascertain that you have been with the person for a long period of time. Your hearts have joined together in unison. You both have met each other's respectable families. Spent loving nights together joined at the hip and awoke to have eyes greet the arising of a new day dawning.

But all that is over now. It is a startling epidemic that both those in relationships and ones who are single face daily. We do NOT trust each other. I believe that you never put 100% of your trust into another person because people have a tendency to fail you. But the "I-first" mentality seems to be the trend in relationships as much as it is in rap music. Why is this? Could it be because men and women no longer have patience to try and understand one another for who they may be? Or is it because the stereotypes that we place on each other are beliefs that we hold true to?

All in all, it is quicker to lose trust rather than to gain it. But how do you feel if it was never established? That no matter what you did whether good or otherwise -- it was perceived that you had an ulterior motive. A friend of mines is going through this relationship -- although he doesn't understand or maybe acknowledges this fact. The woman that he chose to be on-and-off with will never trust him. Even though he has done his share of wrong in his day -- he still stick it out with her through her spaz out moments.

A particular event that happened was we were at a club, all dancing -- and she happens to stroll in unannounced. Cool -- no problem... But she came in when she saw him dancing with a miscellaneous chick who was friends with us. Miscellaneous in her eyes because she didn't know her -- keyword: instant threat... So she yanks my friend and begins berating him about his "transgressions" -- so he becomes one of those house Negroes that BruthaCode was talking about in one of his blog posts. He was attached to her hip, no even really to come around the girls who we're friends with... who were also the ones who rode up there with us. My friend is a dance major in College -- so his life revolves around fast-paced syncopating rhythms... but was limited to two-stepping with his "girl" because she didn't want to dance in front of all these people?!!?

Crazy, huh?!!?

Now, my thoughts about battlin' in clubs while being in College is that it's lame. Who wants to see two or three or four guys poppin' and lockin' when there is a multitude of girls waiting to be gyrated upon. But on this night there was indeed a battle. My boy does have skills. He was battling a couple of cats who I knew from the Cleveland chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. They were nice too. My boy was soooooo rattled from having gotten into argument after argument with his "girl" over so many stupid stuff that he was couldn't concentrate on what he was doing in the battle and got ate up.

Stupid crazy, huh?!!?

Now, I'm not just taking my boy's side because that's my dawg. He has his mistakes as well. He doesn't trust her either. But through all this distrust, they managed to keep a tab on one another for three years. Why put yourself through all the stress, heartache, and anger if you cannot deal with the person you've decided to spend your time with? It seems ludricous to do such a thing, right?!!!?

Insane crazy, huh?!!?

Which leads me to believe that you have to most definitely leave trust to the Lord above. Because if left in the hands, hearts, and minds of us humans -- we are bound to try and find all the flaws possible in that belief. Trust can be a powerful drug or a dangerous weapon...

Crazy, huh?!!?

"Dazed & Confused"

2004-10-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

-- October 19th, 2004 --

I feel like there is this big inside joke being told throughout the Black women community in regards to something pertaining to me. Not like everyone is laughing at me, hardy-har-har -- but it seems like I cannot get the ones who I'm interested in. This joke must not have gotten to ALL the Black sistas because the ones who I know I'm not remotely interested in all find a way to try and hit me up.

Do I not fit into the mold of what most females want in a Black man nowadays? I mean, unless it's totally out of wack -- I would think that Women would want a man who is single (meaning no past girlfriends or relationships that happen to creep up), no kids, educated, in college, has his own transportation, and has a good personality. Now... if I have been led to believe that these aren't some of the criterias that most Black women want in a Man... then... by all means, feel free to tell me where I've gone wrong. What I have come to notice is that when dealing with me -- most Women are comfortable expressing themselves. Why? Because I at least try to attack the issue from a male and female perspective (the females usually offer their own insight).

Is it because I don't fit into a-typical role that most females want to have on their arm? I'm not the 6-foot-5, 280 lbs. of muscle, with the big brown, Tupac Shakur eyes. Hell, I'm not even the Taye Diggs frame, even though we may have the same height (I heard the Brotha is indeed short). I love who I am. I think that I am the shit -- that can only get better. (LL Cool J Starter Kit, I tell ya.)

I am tired of playing messenger to a couple who don't have the balls to figure it out for themselves. Exhausted with knowing all there is to know about a certain person, only to get put on the back-burner for someone who's past is as shady as the darkside of the moon. Disappointed that I can be the right type of person for someone in almost every sense of the word -- but fall short on some unnamed checkpoint on their list for a "good Black man". Is it stressful, somewhat? Not to the point where I'm losing sleep wondering why said-Sista doesn't find my company to be the one in which she wants to keep. But it is sad... Why? Because of all the "complaints" about there not being any good Black men or being in situations where you know the Brotha isn't any good -- that by taking a chance with me would be a welcomed change.

Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I'm not going to be on every Sista's "to die for" list -- I know there are some things that will never garner a woman's fancy. Whether that be materialistic, spiritual, or otherwise -- in some ways I will never measure up to a Black woman's standards. But let my actions speak candidly for me before assessing that I am not the one that you want.

It perplexes me to see that others can live their life so freely when it comes to a myriad of things -- sex, commitment, et cetera. Meanwhile, I have to sit idly by only because those who I choose to be interested in don't fancy me the same. So, amidst the confusion -- I am deciding to take a sabbatical.

Yes... a vacation if you must say so... To do what is best for me. Travel, continuing to write (not just in this journal), working out -- whatever it may be for me to do what is best for me until I'm ready to return to the forray. Ladies... I'm out like the Lakers in the Finals... better yet, I'm hangin' it up like Jordan. Hopefully when/if I return -- things would've changed. But a good friend of mines said it best... "Ain't nothing new under the Sun..."

So, I bid you adieu...

P.S. -- For those who may or may not understand -- the reason why I have Larenz Tate is to emphasize what woman may/may not think is attracted versus myself.

"Coonery 101: An Education"

2004-10-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

-- October 16th, 2004 --

There is a reason why I love Allhiphop.com so much -- besides the quick updates in the Hip-Hop community, they really have great writers. This piece caught my eye, I hope that it sparks some good thoughts in your mind.

To read the article about Coonery 101: An Education. Please click on the picture.

"Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe...?!!?"

2004-10-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

-- October 12th, 2004 --

"It's the sign of a sick and insane people... and I haven't lost my mind, yet, thank God..." A man who I consider like a Father to me says that everytime he gets into his rants about what Black folks don't, won't, or just too afraid TO do. It was that very statement that keep ringing in my head the more I read this article. For those who didn't [or don't have time to] read it -- I'll explain myself.

The morals of Black culture are severely out of wack. Maybe in our pursuit of the perception of "freedom" we decided to emulate White folks in everything that they do and... in true African-American fashion -- do it better than them.

This child -- a 22 year old single mother, left her child home alone. While she partied and watched television and movies with friends. As Spongebob Squarepants pranced across the t.v. screen -- her 2-year old daughter laid lifeless. Dying from an agonizing dehydration and a diaper rashed that was the equivalent of a 2nd degree burn.

[Hopefully, this will spark your interest in reading the story for yourself...]

I again state that this is the sign of a sick and insane culture...

Where young men and women are having unprotected sex and are neglectful of the responsibilities that await them either nine months down the road or a few weeks later in the Doctor's office. Where young Black women are having children at ages when they, themselves, are still developing and have to now put their lives on hold for another. The men in these relationships stray away from the responsibility of being a father.

.....Or is this what the White media would like us to believe?

I believe that there are plenty of Black Men stepping up to handle their responsibilities -- it's just that we as Humans like to focus moreso on the negative trappings rather than the positive release of our self-esteem. Take a look at shows like Maury or Jerry Springer. Whose main focus is to shock and dismay you with their antics. Maury's main highlights on the show deal with the paternity test. [A guilty pleasure, if I may add] -- But it is shows like this that really show you how deprived a culture we can become and/or are in some regards. Why? Because we actually have people like this. We actually have people who will have five or six children with the same amount of different partners all who deny any knowledge of ever being with the woman in question. Then demean the woman who not only mothered their children but who THEY chose to sleep with.

It is the sign of a sick and insane culture when you have men not proud of the actions that they took. Worst when you have women participating in acts just to do so for pure pleasure without any regards for what may happen to them or the life that they carry within them. Children are supposed to be a blessing -- a continuing legacy of a union formed out of love and mutual admiration. But what I am seeing is a total disregard for the sanctity of marriage, even the dissolution of respect between a man and woman in any fashion. It's sad when a child has to grow up wondering where's his daddy...

"Quench My Thirst"

2004-10-07T01:31:00.000-07:00

-- October 7th, 2004 --

Gawrsh, it is a gift and a curse when it comes to being single. I mean -- you aren't spending your money on her, can come and go as you please, don't have to hear her mouth when/if she's upset. On the flipside, your bed is empty. You have no one to really be the affectionate ear to listen to you complain and not think that you're annoying. Or laugh at the jokes that only you find funny.

Relationships are a crazy thing. What I've noticed these past few years is that us, as males, in addition to some females -- are thirsty.

Thirsty -- v. -- Wanting or desiring a person of the opposite sex to the extreme degree.

Yes, for some it doesn't matter if you have all of your teeth, just as long as the face is cute and the posterior is stacked -- you'll do. For women, it may be something materialistic that you own, or the fact that you have good hair. All in all -- we want what we want now -- no waiting or patience in-between.

I titled this, "Quench My Thirst" -- because of that impatience that I am feeling right now. It's just a phase that'll surely pass, but that loneliness feeling... when it creeps up, it hits hard. No, I wasn't surrounded by a lot of lovebirds, nor was I around a bunch of sex-crazed fiends. It was a mixed bunch. The bottom line is that I saw people who I was attracted to and I wanted to see how far it could go. But as I looked around the room -- I see a whole lotta Brothas just standing there at this party just staring at anything that was bouncing or girating to the sounds of Reggae, Slow R&B, or Rap.

I, myself, was dancing, because that's what I do. But tese females are coming to me dancing with me because "Guy A" is saying, "You in the yellow... come here..." and it's actually not working. ...That is... at the time, because after the party this particular Sista was definitely networking with this Brotha and disappeared with him after the party was over. All well and good, all I ask is to know what you want -- please... being indecisive is NEVER the answer.

It is just right now I wish that I could have someone to hold onto and care about solely. Whereas this is not the case, I can't help how I feel. In the morning, I will have no recollection of how I felt and will move on from this. I just had to write about it. So, please... bear with me... it is an arduous journey and this is just one of my many pit stops..

"Before I Was Black"

2004-10-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

-- October 4th, 2004 --

I was a White boy before I became a Black man. Armed with JCPenny's threads and Payless shoes. Even attended a Catholic private school. St. Patrick's elementary school was my stomping ground where at a young age I chased white girls... as we all did as young boys, playing "Capture the Girls". I stood out. Not just because I was Black, but because I had a temper. A part of it may have been because of that difference, but it surely wasn't understood by a 2nd grader whose friends were nothing but white. Kent, Ohio was definitely not a Hip-Hop hotspot. So, my attention was focused all-around when it came to music. In my household, old school sounds of Parliament and Stevie Wonder flowed beautifully. On my radio 93.1 WZAK played the R&B joints at the time. I, personally, loved Tony Toni Toné's "Anniversary" -- and after 10 o'clock it was the sounds of Hip-Hop which I taped every late night for the exclusive joint. But when I was in school -- it was all about "Under the Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day's "Dookie," "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden, "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, and anything by Nirvana was a topic of conversation with the bevy of Jacob's, Ann-Marie's, Danny's, and Fred's.

Going into the 6th grade things became different. I became aware as to difference between myself and "them". It began with my Social Studies class -- one of my favorites. It became apparent that my history didn't show up in my book. It was around that time when Blacks were pushing to get our history celebrated. I played my part -- going to such lengths as to getting Black History Month celebrated at St. Pat's. It didn't really fare well with the other students but my arrogance was definitely displayed that day. I mean, in these textbooks, they glanced over the Civil Rights, rewrote what happened with the "cultivation" of America, and never really mentioned slavery and its injustices. White people began rubbing me the wrong way. Their comments were no longer flattering. I began to feel like a mascot. Don't get me wrong, I don't take anything that I've learned at St. Pat's for granted, but I began to see how the games were being played. And I was no longer willing to be a participant in their games. I lashed out more. Whereas my temper had been subdued since my younger days, it re-emerged when confronted with things that I felt were right. I became a nuisance to my teachers, a problem with administration, and an outcast to my fellow classmates. The change was increased since I was hanging out with kids just like me from the public schools. There was still that difference amongst my own kind -- seeing as how I spoke "proper" or "white" and they were fluent in slanguistics. But that difference would be something that faded away with time.

I was a White boy before I became a Black man, and since I've made that change I'll be damn if I ever go back. I've learned a lot from being within the white society. Some things funny, some things that I wish would change -- but through it all -- I hold no regrets, because progress is always to be made forwardly.

Finally, graduating from 8th grade marked a transition from boyhood to becoming a man as I was leaving the safe confines of my private elementary school for the rigors of public High School. I was armed with my intelligence, self-confidence, and definitely an emergence of knowledge of self.

"12 Points"

2004-10-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

-- October 3rd, 2004 --

I read this from Allhiphop.com -- an interesting piece written by Adisa Banjoko. I usually just put the links to articles if I feel that it is something that the viewer may read, but I really think that people should read this... so...

"12 Point Program for Hip-Hop"

Right about now, there is a resurgence of consciousness in Hip Hop. It reminds me of what was once known as "The Golden Age of Hip Hop". This new consciousness is evidenced in the rise of Dead Prez, Talib Kweli, Paris, Zion I, Common, Mystic, Mos Def, Encore, Shamako Noble, Immortal Technique, the new tracks by MC Ren, and others. This is a beautiful thing to watch, and something that makes me proud to see.
The Black Panther Party for Self Defense used to have a ten point program to rebuild the Black community. It was something to help keep the Black community focused how freedom was to be achieved. Unfortunately, the masses did not listen to them as well as they should have and many people lost out due a lack of follow though.
This is a twelve point program I have constructed in hope of rejuvenating the Hip Hop community and industry across the board. I believe without fail that if these ideas are put into action that Hip Hop will gain a higher status in the minds of those who love it as well as in the hearts of those who hate it. This list can be used by anybody (regardless of race, faith, or culture) who is an MC/rapper. But for those that TRY to be conscious, I feel these things are a must. Big props to Scape Martinez for helping me refine this (even though we disagree with some points).

1. Stop the cursing. If you are going to reach the people, you need to be refined lyrically. You will have one up on the radio industry who tries to ignore you.
You must also make yourself loved by the parents of the children who love Hip Hop. Keeping it clean on wax is an easy way to gain an upper hand in the streets and in the industry at the same time. Plus you don't have to always make clean versions of everything- so it saves you money. In the movie Malcolm X's original mentor says that a man curses because he does not have the tools to tell you what’s really on his mind. So chill out and tell us what’s on your mind. Gangstarr's Step in the Arena is a perfect example of how you can stay REAL and not curse.

2. Stop using the word "nigga". The word "nigger/nigga" was a lyrical tool of empowerment for the Hip Hop movement during the late 80's and early 90's. It came at a time when Black people needed to counter the hateful words being put upon them for so long. Now, the word has indeed been diluted in its power (it does not hurt most Black people to be called that name anymore). However, it also lost its painful historical relevance. We need to remind people of where the word came from, so it is never taken lightly. If you are unclear on the history of it, go read "100 Years of Lynchings" by Ralph Ginzburg.

3. Read. The more you know, the more you can rap about. Read about the history of your people as well as the histories and cultures of others. Nobody is asking you to become Nerdball McGee- but you should open a book. Choose a topic and go learn something you did not know the day before. Then bring that into Hip Hop. Ice Cube, KRS ONE and Tupac Shakur were arguably at their best when they were reading.

4. Rap about YOUR Struggle. MC's and rappers who are remembered are story tellers. Slick Rick, Ice Cube, Tupac and Rakim are able to bring you into their world and allow you to see from behind their eyes. This should be your goal as an MC. Tell us about your fam, your area, your personal journey in a way that no one else can tell it. If you cannot do that, you will certainly fail to impress and inspire. Tell us about your city. Nobody cared about the Queens, Compton, or Vallejo until MC Shan, Eazy E, and E-40 told the world stories about where they came from.

5. Stop following trends, create them. The rap industry tries to create cookie cutter rappers now. They all come complete with pimp cups, loc's, butt naked women and saggy pants. That has its place. But we need more people pushing the lyrical envelope. Brothers and sisters don't try to flow with originality anymore. They just try to copy a carbon copy. Do not be afraid to find out who you are and challenge the trends across the board. N.W.A., Biggie Smalls, Beastie Boys, Common, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Public Enemy, Kwame, Paris, De La Soul, Queen Latifah, and Eminem (YES, I said EMINEM) all take creative chances musically and lyrically. From your look to your flow, be original in your life and on wax.

6. Respect Women. This is a subject that cannot be discussed too much. We need to stop using the word bitch and hoe (I'm talking to myself as well as y'all). We need to stop objectifying all women. By undermining them, we undermine the cornerstone of all civilization. This is a serious thing. You can still make a dope jam and show respect to the women. Remember that every "hoe" and "bitch" is someone else’s sister, daughter, mother- maybe even yours. So clean yourself up. I'm not asking you to take estrogen shots, watch Oprah 24/7 and wear a wig. Just show some respect.

7. Don't forget to rock the party. This is a major problem in Hip Hop. Most of the MC's who try to be conscious. They get so caught up in their mission that they forget to have fun. If all you do is spit politics and stuff, people never get to see you shine creatively. Show the people you have skills to rock the party, and then give them something to take home.

8. Learn an instrument. Since its inception Hip Hop has gotten far by sampling. The record industry has come down hard on us at times for doing it. Sampling has served its purpose, but it is time to show the world our full creativity. Learn an instrument for yourself. If you do, you will gain a new respect for those you sample and you'll get new insights on how to make music for yourself.

9. Listen to all kinds of music from the past. This is crucial. Part of the reason Hip Hop is so stale is because Hip Hop only listens to Hip Hop, nowadays. Chuck D, Mix Master Mike, DJ QBERT, KRS ONE, P Ditty Poor Righteous Teachers, Premier, Jungle Brothers, Marley Marl, Timbaland, DJ Quick, Dr. Dre all listen to other forms of music. You should also read the biographies of some of these artists as well (something I'm about to get into). They listen to Jazz, Reggae, Blues, Rock, Heavy Metal, Symphony, Salsa, Zen flutes etc. This is a BIG part of what makes them great. Now, go be great!!!

10. Acknowledge the beauty of the other Hip Hop elements. This is a HUGE problem. Sometimes I think it is talked about too much. But the bottom line is that if you don't have a full appreciation for graf writing, b-boy'ing, popping, locking, and turntablism you are missing a lot of tools that you can both learn from and incorporate into your shows. A lot of people confuse appreciation of these elements with being a hippy or dealing with things that are not "real".
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Don't sleep on that.

11. Choose a Cause. Once you know who you are, it is important that you ask yourself "What will I champion in Hip Hop besides my lyrics?" You care about education? Poverty issues? Are you just a party MC? Are you gonna champion your culture? Politics? Child abuse? Domestic violence? WHAT?!?!? Choose a cause then make sure you mention it from time to time. NOT ON EVERY SONG- because you will turn people off.

12. Never forget the poor. This music is from them, for them, forever. Knowing that fact always, IS KEEPING IT REAL.

Adisa Banjoko is author of "Lyrical Swords Vol. 1: Hip Hop and Politics in the Mix", available at www.lyricalswords.com.

"Welcome To The Show" Part I

2004-09-28T01:22:00.000-07:00

-- Sept. 28th, 2004 --

Hip-Hop is universal. An undeniable force unable to be reckoned with for the past 30 years. Like most music cultivated from the hearts and minds of Black folks -- it has transformed what was accepted in the past and created a new road for others to traverse. Language, dance, fashion, mannerisms -- all affected by this artform -- this culture viewed as a "trend" or "fad" beginning in the late seventies and exploding in the early-to-mid eighties.

But I don't want to get into a historical account of the origins of this culture we know as "Hip-Hop". Today it is accepted in the mainstream -- it has transcended and influenced every medium used today. With this acceptance comes a relinquishing of the past. Hip-Hop was the voice for the voiceless people. Now it has become the means by which some see as a quick way to get rich. With this mainstream appeal comes the masses -- who feel that they are also a part of the culture. So, now comes in Johnny Be Hood and Susie Q-Rock, who have no real gist of the community that these artists speak about -- but accept the music as the getaway they need from the "harsh" realities of trust funds and weekly tanning sessions. In fact, they love the music moreso than we, the Black community, ourselves do.

In turn, we have not only accepted this, but profit highly off of doing so. With this now acknowledged, Big Business has their eyes and wallets waiting to prostitute the newest Hip-Hop/R&B sensation. Now you see Farnsworth Bentley doing Gap commercials, Dilated Peoples doing car commercials, Black Eyed Peas looking dapper in Levi's Silver Tab jeans. Twelve years ago -- African-American artists were absent from the mainstream fashion, advertising, and music scene. Billboards would've been plastered with the hottest white female model selling whatever refusing to smile.

But that is not the case now, now is it? Is that such a bad thing? Blacks are able to profit off of their own creation, right? We're able to escape the poverty that some knew all too familiar, right? We're on the same level as those who were the ones who used to call us, "Nigger," who instituted Jim Crow laws, and hung our bodies from streetlamps on the corner, RIGHT? I guess you have to be the judge on that one.

The entire World is enjoying the spectacle that is the "Hip-Hop Minstrel Show" and we are its celebrities. No longer is the smiling and being jovial applicable to be a part of this event. You can be yourself to the fullest degree. Want to disrespect your fellow brothers and sisters -- you can do that here! Every and anything that you can fantasize, no matter how degrading and unrealistic it may really be -- will be recorded, packaged, and distributed to the millions of supporting fans anxiously awaiting your next tale in this ghetto drama. Which will then be digested by not only Black supporters, but also by it's white counterparts -- who feel your struggle.

They dissect it to the point where it becomes clear as to who you are or at least who you're trying to be. Where imitation is, in some people's opinion, the most sincere form of flattery -- it is a viable cash cow to be a star in this Show. A culture built on originality has diluted into a bunch of copycats who try to outdo what the person before them has already done [sometimes better].

I am categorically tired of Rap music -- even though I may have my love/hate relationship with the artform, a few things remain painfully clear. While those who may have attained some type of celebrity they still neglect a lot of things that us as Black folks are also not being responsible for. But I will get to that on Part 2 of this series of "Welcome to the Show". So, sit back, relax -- enjoy the show...

"Relationships Can Be A Form Of Suicide"

2004-09-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

-- Sept. 25th, 2004 --

The stare from across the room. Palms sweaty... nervous... words seem to not be able to come out right. She notices you. You notice her. A smile. Perceptive, you take the initiative to approach her. Making sure all things are in order -- you speak. She laughs, flirts, entices you with her charisma. You assume that she is interested in your charm. A chance is born to be blown in the wind. A relationship is ignited in the guise of a friendship. The beginning months are spent happy-go-lucky, laughing at the corny jokes that only you and her find funny. Finding places to go that are only interesting to the both of you. No attention is being paid to the "others" -- the ones who are determined to separate your union. Trials and tribulations have strengthened your resolve within the confines of your relationship. You both take this journey with a delicacy acknowledged as trust and respect for one another. The intent of each other's actions is clear. "She was made for me..." "He is my air..." are statements reported to friends and family members. Total acceptance of each other is the end result. Her annoying habits are tolerable. His smart remarks are considered witty. Together you both remain happy. Yes, you both have your rough moments -- the "others" never leave, in fact, they gain strength off of the happiness you both share.

Your patience will be tested as enemies will be disguised as best friends or close confidants, admiring strangers, and tempters who will all have something to say that is wrong with your relationship. Family members may not always accept the path that you choose to take with your life. Father vehemently disapproves of the man that you chose to spend time with. His mother thinks that you are a bad influence... or even worst, she thinks that you are a hussie. Yet, the twinkle in her eyes is worth it. The sound of his voice as his lips form the words, "I love you," are priceless. The evenings spent together are an adventure in itself, as the outside world becomes a distant memory. The two of you spend an insurmountable amount of time, money, and space -- together. Through all the hardships of gaining one's trust, maintaining and nuturing the relationship, fending off those who wish for you falter, and STILL be able to look your Love in the eye and have the strength of character to fight for her, to comfort him in times of need -- is an amazing feat indeed.

That is... until... the late night phone calls he begins to receive late in the night. The times that you find out that she is not where she said she was going to be. The attitudes change. The mood shifts. Your heart plays a game of hot and cold. No longer do you look at the "others" from a distance. They are at your doorstep. Trying to crumble the foundation that you've spent years with her trying to establish. You question everyone's motive, as she does yours. It is no longer safe to smile, as it is to be perceived that you're up to something or that you've already done something that you weren't supposed to do. She approaches your whole being awkwardly. Her kiss doesn't feel the same. It's as if your heart isn't into it anymore. Suspicion clouds your every judgement. Finally, the truth of the matter -- his heart may have belonged to you, but his body was someone else's property. A close friend, imperfect stranger, doesn't matter -- your heart has been delivered an earth-shattering blow. Angered, drunk... whatever diagnosis you wish to place -- she sleeps with a neighbor, friend, stranger, still doesn't matter -- actions spoke louder than the tears that flowed.

Your love begins to play tag with the other's heart. Feelings of, "Just leave and never come back!!" to "...don't go..." are often uttered after shouting competitions or passionate love-making sessions. Doubts and speculation repeatedly flirt with your mind -- questioning your actions as you take her back. As you let him back into your life. You begin to adopt the "Me Against the World" philosophy as friends and family see that he is not the most healthiest person to have in your life. When others begin to attack your actions -- your stance is protective, while your heart handles the brunt of the truth that you don't wish to adhere to. Pride and half-hearted love are like oil and vinegar they do not mix. Nor do they hear the pleads of those who feel they have your best interests in mind. So... you stay with her, as friends walk out the door to leave you to your own devices. Family angrily states their position. Leaving you to choose. The love is on life-support. Given shots through rigorous libido exercises. The daily routine is a former shell of what you were used to as you place your make-up on to mask the tears he's given you after breaking your heart... one... more... time...

Confusion steps in as others begin to creep closer to your heart as your significant other is on the outs. The "others" words are foreign -- saying things like, "Trust... respect..." They begin to awake feelings that you've held down with all of your might. After having shards of your heart flirt with the hardwood floor -- YOU HAVE ENOUGH!!! Your heart shatters -- becoming frigid to the touch of anyone who dares to attempt to give a warm glance. Having a soul become isolated from love's happiness -- because you dared to challenge the World's negativity. A self-suicide because the one you loved no longer loved who you were.

"Welcome To My Planet"

2004-09-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

-- Sept. 21st, 2004 --

What if the World was Black? Would it be a paradise? Would the experiences we've gone through these past four years (or four hundred) ever have happened? I don't have the answers -- maybe you do...

I am writing this to say that Blackplanet.com consumes my life. It is a sickness that I can't seem to break free from. Hell -- the other tab on this very page is Blackplanet.com. I do nothing more but look at pictures to see if this face on my computer screen MAY have some interesting conversation. (Doesn't hurt to be single, either) -- :)

Not saying that BP.com is bad. I've met plenty of good people who I still converse with till this day. Also introduced myself to a few entrepeneurs who are really influencing MY direction in life. So -- when you find those like-minded individuals -- it is really a good idea, Blackplanet, because I have many experiences just from this website alone.

My first trip to Cincinnati was due to meeting someone on this very page who liked my poetry. I performed down there and made a few friends in the process. My first trip to New York was in part due to a friend who has made me think in a few new directions over the course of my life while examining hers. The other part -- I had to see the City before it was too late. Man, if I would've timed it better -- and was given word about the Block Party -- I would've went around that time. But... I still went and had a blast.

I think the reason why Blackplanet works so well is the human need to understand others. I am glad that Blackplanet added onto some of my life's experiences. Not everything is good about it. I just have to stop being addicted to it. Go outside and play ball or something.

"Impossible Is Nothing"

2004-09-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

-- Sept. 17th, 2004 --

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in a World they've been given, rather than explore the power they have to change it.
Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion.
Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare.
Impossible is potential.
Impossible is temporary.

Impossible is Nothing."
--Adidas Ad (2004)

Impossible is... nothing, right? Right! I have sat idly by for some time and watched as others have rose to prominence. I have been a passenger for too long. It has been past time for me to adopt this carpe diem attitude, but it's necessary for the arduous journey that I want to embark on. In previous posts, I have enlightened, shared my persona with those who've been inclined to read. I have been at some lows, highs, and middle grounds. I have ran the gambit of emotions that many people go through from time to time. I say that because I am at the point at which emotions only hinder the direction that which to head towards.

Am I saying that I am to be heartless? No. Am I saying that I will let the small stuff sweat me? Hell, nah. What I am saying is that being focused is the key to making my obstacles seem paper-thin. Remember the movie that said, "If you build it... they will come..." -- well, that is the same that can be said for myself. I believe that nothing for myself is impossible. That whatever I want will come, whether it be in due time or as soon as possible. Whether it's a goal or an attraction that I have in mind -- it will bend to my will. Anything that doesn't wasn't meant to be or had another destination to meet.

My being comes first. That meaning -- I must take care of my own business. Whether that be handling my financial responsibilities or carry out goals that I set for myself, I must be the captain of my own ship. In College, you have many males who go to gain higher knowledge of not only themselves but their surroundings, but many fall to the wayside. It may be because of laziness, they fall victim to the "game", or may have gotten someone pregnant and no longer can live that part of their life. I will not become a statistic. Emphasis on statistic. We all will be one in one way or another. But I choose not to become one of the negative kind. I will hone my skills to be the best they possibly can.

The reason why I am on this tangent is because what I see around me is that if you handle your business -- you're more inclined to be able to, not only, weed out detractors to your own success, but, also be able to know what is best for you -- because of what you demand for yourself. My friend from NY is an inspiration to me in more ways than I can describe. In the time that I've been able to get to know more about this person -- I have learned that the more you stay true to yourself, others, and make sure you stay on top of your game then... nothing is impossible.

This coming from a 19 year old, huh?

So, I demand no less from myself -- because all I have is myself. I will be the BEST because I will it to be so. Cocky... a little. Confident... too much for my own good now that I have began to decide moreso what it IS I want for sure. Convinced... you be the judge. I now declare that I put my feet to the cliff with my back to the wind, daring it to budge me. Why? Because I see past doubt. I laugh in fear's face. I crush adversity. I push pass detractors. And with that feeling now coursing through my veins -- I know now that impossible is nothing, because I desire it to be.

"Rules of Attraction"

2004-09-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

-- Sept. 10th, 2004 --

Over the past week and half the school semester has been in few swing. I kept my circle small and the few people that I chose to associate myself with have already made lasting impressions on me. So shouts out to Tra, Matrixxx, Kent, S. Boogie, & T-Nice.

It is always interesting to see how we as Black folks are so attracted physically to the opposite sex. Whether it be the eyes, lips, swivel of a Sista's hips -- we all enjoy the sight of an attractive person. At the beginning of every school semester, Black men and women kind of have their "ritualistic" choosing of those they find themselves most impressed by. And we all know how that goes -- flirting, talking with a big ego, et cetera, et cetera.

It blows my mind to see how certain people are attracted to those who aren't so... appealing...
Which is why I say that, "Everyone is beautiful to somebody." There is something that surpasses the physical that makes the heart melt.

We live in a visual society where men and women are attracted to each other first, then sort out the formalities. Where men and women are subjected to, "Oh, he has good hair," or "She has a phat booty," as topics of discussion when talking about who's attractive. But -- all beauty fades as they say, and it is funny to see that more people do not realize that. Generally, the people I am fortunate to be around are not the materialistic type, but more and more men and women are attracted to that lifestyle lived by (insert rapper's name here). Is it that we're imitating life on BET because we feel that this is the way to attract the opposite sex?

If this is what I have to be attracted to -- or what I have to have in order for you to be attracted to me, then you can keep walking. I'm Mr. Clark -- K-Star, if you're lucky to know me -- and if you can't accept that and the Man that I am with all of my convictions, then you're better off chasing after (insert basketball player's name here).

"SMILE N.Y.C."

2004-08-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

-- August 29th, 2004 --

"New York, New York..."
-- Frank Sinatra

First off, before I begin this article -- shouts out to all my Puerto Ricans out in Harlem who I met at City High and Jimmy Jazz's. Also, peace and blessings to Miss Thang doing it BIG in the world of journalism.

Okay... I have overcome my religious philosophical phase that was being highlighted in my last few articles. Not saying that it was a "funk" that I was in, moreso a phase. Back again is the upbeat and hyperactive Mr. Clark.

The K-Star Tour began in Dayton, Ohio. I visited a colleague at the Univ. of Dayton -- this Sista is very ambition and driven to succeed. All in all, long story short -- just saw the movie "Collateral" (GREAT MOVIE!) and moved onto the next destination.

Toledo, Ohio (yeah... kind of a lame city, no doubt...) -- I went to go visit my co-defendant, my ace at the Univ. of Toledo. While I was there I met this Sista who is very cool peoples -- even though I didn't stay too long the time spent was really good because they are both two very genuine people in their own right.

Meadville, PA. -- Sort of like the version of a city I reside in here in Ohio. Very much a college town. Went to visit this beautiful Sista who's personality I admire and qualities I find very interesting. Had to drive like four hours just to get in arms length of this female. But when I got there it was a great time. (Your roomies are a trip... vicadin, anyone?!!?) I hope that you get that money soon enough, would hate for you not to be able to go on that trip.

Lastly, my travels brought me to.....

NEW YORK CITY!

Damn -- a part of me never thought that I would see the City. But as I crossed into Jersey and heard Funkmaster Flex's annoying ass on Hot 97 -- I became increasingly hyped about where I was going to end up. I ended up taking the George Washington Bridge into the City and the first place I went was Mt. Vernon to visit my boy -- hell, it was like fourty-five minutes to an hour JUST to get to his crib because I wasn't prepared for driving in New York. It is definitely a hassle. So -- note to self -- get rid of the car before I move up there. When I got there it was pretty late, so all we did was freestyle rappin' to his self-produced beats (got some heat in there too...), listened to some music, and talked about events happening that week in the City.

I left and went to Harlem. Got into a low-rent hotel and fell asleep. Now, this is how out-of-townish I am. I was so worried about the conditions (roaches) that I slept with all the lights on and the television on and fell asleep on top of the covers. My eyes closed to the sounds of "Silence of the Lambs" and awoke blurry-eyed to "Steel". I didn't even sleep, hell, I passed out. I swore that I wasn't going to go to sleep, so I figured that my body just gave up. Once I checked out (which they asked me to do, very rudely...) -- I went down to City High and another Urban clothing store that was right next door. The second store had this sexy Puerto Rican chica (the first one did too, but this one was sexier...) -- who enticed me to buy these pair of Akademiks jeans. She was the first pretty face that I paid attention to since arriving there. So, after I got out of the place (side note: the people pretty much do things like they do in Cleveland when it comes to selling you clothes, it may say $76.00 on the tag, but you'll walk out of it paying $55.00, word is bond.) -- I walked back up to see how much time I had left on the meter and that's when I saw that the Boys were out.

The NYPD Blue -- was investigating the death of someone in the hotel building that was right NEXT to the one that I was sleeping in. The guy was shot to death. An employee had pointed me out (TRUST -- I was shook for a second...) to say that I was a customer, and an officer came to talk to me. Hell, I didn't know him and I damn-sure didn't like the police (allergic) -- but he wasn't disrespectful, at least. So that was my -- WELCOME TO NEW YORK -- a murdered guy and a crime scene.

I took the train to Brooklyn, afterwards. Interesting. The home of Biggie, Michael Jordan, 'Pac, Jay-Z, and Denzel Washington is a crowded place. You HAVE to fight just to get your point across. I LOVED IT!!! I was conversing with so many people on just the most stupidest things. Talking about the guy who didn't look both ways before crossing the street before he came close to getting ran over. Laughing at the bum trying to hit on the sexy Sistas for more than just some spare change. I swear I sat on a Brownstone for about four hours straight just chillin' with these cats who were straight fools.

I stopped at Jimmy's -- even came close to trying to buy a cheesecake from the spot that Diddy sent Da Band to. Took pictures in front of the Welcome to Marcy Projects sign (whattup Jay) and took the train back to Harlem.

I really fell in love with Harlem. For those who know me, they know what city I scream out if I was to ever be from or live in New York. But I really enjoyed Harlem. New York itself -- is a VERY entertaining place. In every store it seemed like it was mandatory to have a sexy woman running up to you to ask you if they could help and I took every opportunity to flirt and get a date (I had three in the time I was there). Everyone is about money there. I mean from the Africans trying to braid your hair to the dude on the corner selling Newport cigarettes, to the Sista with the hot cheetoes breath asking you for a few dimes just so they can go to the store and buy some milk -- everyone was about dollar and cents.

The streets of Harlem itself seemed like a job amongst businesses. The hustlers were bargaining and selling their wares, while regular staples like Magic Johnson's theater and Starbucks were introducing Harlemites to the "New Renaissance". At about four o'clock -- the bootleggers rolled out their carpets. Now, bootlegging wasn't new to anyone, ESPECIALLY me -- but it was interesting to see how quick they got things. I mean I had JUST went to go see "Collateral" and there it was on DVD for five dollars. But I'm not into that, so I couldn't really go for it.

The next day -- I had went around Harlem, walking up and down 125th street. The Apollo needs renovation (kind of like how the Oscar Ritchie building does too at KSU), Lenox and 125th is easily the part of Harlem where most Muslims just chill out. (Side note: Brothas really do that street workout stuff that was in B.I.G.'s "Juicy" video in Brooklyn) -- The women in New York are F-I-N-E.

Later on that day, I went to go see "Hero" -- not that good of a movie. But "The Grudge" and "Forgotten" are two movies that will be mos def seen by me. Finally, I met up with my colleague as we got to know each other and just spent the rest of the day feeling each other out. My boy from Mt. Vernon said that Mos Def was performing a free concert in Central Park at about eight o'clock. So, we were game to go. Which brings me to this question...

Why aren't there any lights in Central Park?

Really -- we need to start a petition on this right away. I mean, no wonder people get robbed and raped there -- you can hide ANYWHERE! There are absolutely no lights there except for ones that highlight signs and certain directional markers. So, we got lost in the Park, and I am laughing because this is her part of the City. The journey to find Mos Def -- we entitled it -- and it was a funny one. Asking people if they spoke English, trying to find directions to the show -- only to find out that it was free up till one o'clock. Horrible, so we decided to fall back on our other plan. ...To visit the Nuyorican Poetry Café.

I've heard about this place when I was younger and in some poetry circles that I used to frequent as a teenager. But I had never, NEVER thought it would be like this. The event was a Poetry Slam -- it was great. Something I'll never forget. The energy was great. The vibe was memorable. The experience was an eye-opener.

This is where I need to be.

I can't wait to go back in November to go back to the Nuyorican and plot my path as a great writer and entrepreneur. I just can't wait. Peace and Blessings.

"Confrontation With The Man In The Mirror"

2004-08-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

-- August 22nd, 2004 --

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
-- George Washington

I am dealing with my past with hopes of conquering my future. For the past few days (posts) -- I have been going through the motions. I feel at my lowest right now. It is somewhat indescribable because I am still trying to diagnose the problem. I am insecure. Unsure about the type of legacy that I will leave behind. It's a constant issue that faces me on a daily basis.

It is on that belief that I feel that I will truly be alone. For as much as I would want to be with someone and share my life and thoughts with them, I don't feel that that is something that'll happen with me. Maybe I'm too much of an ass-hole, too much of a smart-aleck to have someone deal with me. Maybe I am too focused on the whole having someone in my life... in my heart. The burden that I place on myself just to see other's happy is limiting mine own potential. Is it that I am too afraid to sacrifice what I feel is near and dear to me in order to focus on what is BEST for me? I've tried to look within myself and find answers, but to no avail -- I haven't figured out anything and it is a hinderance because I pride myself on knowing everything. What hurts is when you do not know what your next move is and doubly trying when everyone around you seems to be moving fast and you feel like you're stuck in neutral.

"To Love Is To Cry"

2004-08-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

-- August 20th, 2004 --

Congratulations to Chester "Lyfe" Jennings for coming out with his highly anticipated album -- Lyfe 268-192 (his prison ID). For those who aren't hip on this up-and-coming brotha from Toledo, Ohio -- should've checked out him winning the Apollo -- FIVE TIMES -- winning the competition, with his song (that appears on the album) -- "Cry". I cannot stop raving about this Brotha -- hearing his CD (released Aug. 17th, 2004) -- from beginning to end is a feel good story about this man's life full of trials and tribulations -- something that we all go through. Well, enough about Lyfe -- go cop that CD, please it's a great listen.

Continuing on...

Love...

The feeling that every Man runs from and every Woman imagines from day one is a feeling that hasn't blessed me with its presence in a long time. True, I have the love from close friends and my Mother -- but, there is that elusive love that I am feeling. A part of me feels that it may be how I feel or have a lack of feeling towards religion and my confusion about that. But another part is the emptiness of not having someone on my side. This is not to say that my friends and family are not on my side -- but we all know that the closest person to you (besides God) is that significant other. Am I partially saying that I want to be in a relationship again? Yes and no. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like I was in the past -- or at least the ending of that relationship I don't want to ever endure again. But I would want to know that my inner feelings can be shared with someone who can vocally emphasize with me. This is where the love of the Lord and the love of a Woman intertwine. I am beginning to believe that it is I who have the problems. I weigh those burden on myself subconsciously to where I diagnose them as thinking that it's "the other person" or they must have something wrong with them to not like me -- but I believe that people see something lacking in me that turns them away. Whether that be appearance, personality, money, et cetera -- the fact remains that I have only in a few instances met people who have (at least) genuinely appreciated the Man that I am. But I am in hope of becoming the Man that I want to be -- but have no direction on where to go.

I honestly believe that the love that you have for the Lord transmits into the love that you can have for your family, significant other, hell -- anybody if you choose to. So, I feel that I have that within my soul -- it's just other demons that I am wrestling with that I either do not choose to confront or don't know how to exorcise. I once thought that the belief or hope that another had in another would strengthen the character of the chosen recipient. I need the belief and strength of another to carry me across these troubled waters I am currently floating upon. I believe that I can and HAVE changed -- I do not want to stop the process, I just want to be the Man that I believe that I can become...

Cry...

It's been twenty-one years, nine months, six days since I last really spoke to you. I have been labeled, I have been miscarried, discarded, ignored, hated by people who I have admired. Not only in my Family -- but friends as well, or people who I thought were friends. I have been in love with someone who was in love with me as well. Was even contemplating marriage and the whole children thing. I have been forgotten about, lied upon -- even lied about myself in my life. I have errors and flaws in my life -- some I know and others that are still hidden beneath the surface. I have problems, some I admit to, others that I feel I have overcame. Sometimes I just want to cry, other times I don't ever want to wake up. Right now, I feel like the first time I saw "The Color Purple" -- you know, the scene where Sista-girl caught the spirit while being in the juke joint and sung, "God's Trying To Tell You Something," all the way back to the Church. Symbolic, isn't it? I thought I had made my pilgrimage the same way -- but I've been mistaken. I have not been committed to being a Man of the Lord, let alone a Man -- in my opinion. I have been discouraged in following His footsteps, hell, I'm not a Saint. Damn sure, not the worst this life had to offer, but I really don't want this hole in my heart. I want to cry my pain away. I want to redirect my course, not just by my actions concerning my career, but my path set in making an example on how to love -- not just your family and significant other, but to love yourself, your beautiful, Black race, but to love life. Lyfe summed it up nicely...

"Made Up My Mind"

1st Verse:

Lord, they really think they fooling you, by coming to church on Sunday/
Praying and laying hands on folks stomping and jumping around faking the holy ghost/
But it's a thin line between walking it and talking it/
Living it and giving it or just pretending it's alright/
And did they think that they really think that they could pull the wool over your eyes, Lord?/
Did they really think that by faking they were saved that they would get the same reward/
This be the realest thing I ever wrote for sure/
After this a lot of folks won't like me no mo'/
But after this I gotta answer to you, Lord/
So, I've made up my mind, I'ma go to Chuch on Sunday/
And sing a song that may hurt somebody's feelings so that maybe/
Thy will will be done/On Earth as it is in Heaven/And hopefully they will see/
How much they really be discouraging a little old sinner like me...

The way that I have been feeling lately, hell -- these past few years on and off have been a sure sign that a change is definitely coming, needed desparately for me to continue to make strides in my life, so I can be a help to other's just like me. So, for those who know me or are getting to know me -- I am striving for a better change in my life, because the people who have been placed in my life are there for a certain reason -- and other's who have faded or looked at me sideways have already shown their true colors, in my opinion. I thank those who have stuck by me and I love you -- whether it is the beginning of our friendship or a continuation.

Be Blessed & Stay Righteous -- K. Clark

"White Cop, White Lies, White Rule"

2004-08-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

-- August 18th, 2004 --

[Disclaimer: Be aware of your surroundings.]

On July 10th, 2004 -- two young African-American men were arrested and detained on charges of grand theft auto.

What they failed to mention to myself and my comrade was that we weren't the ones that they were looking for. Instead, they decided to go on their hunch and go about the following means of detaining us.

My friend and I were walking around trying to register people to vote for this year's Presidential elections. The area that we were in was Brady Lake -- a village in between Kent and Ravenna. The event was called, "Captain Brady Parade" -- a hypocritical holiday that white people made to celebrate something so heinous. Captain Brady was a pilgrim who "conquered" that stretch of land by slaughtering its inhabitants. We noticed that all the streets were named after certain Native American tribes -- jacked up, isn't it? Anyways, the "parade" was passing the opposite way that my friend and I were walking. A few minutes must've passed because we viewed the parade on the otherside of the lake. My boy threw his candy wrapper on the ground and right at that moment there was no turning back...

An officer had pulled up in a squad car right behind us with his gun drawn, yelling for us to get on the ground. I had honestly thought that it was because of my friend littering, but he kept ordering us onto the ground. We asked, "WHY?!!" Stating -- "What are we being charged for?" "What did we do?" The response continued to be, "GET THE FUCK ON THE GROUND..." Now, it's an alarming moment when a person has a gun drawn on you, no matter what the circumstances -- and maybe it was ignorance or defiance on our part, but we weren't going to do something just because, ESPECIALLY when we didn't know the reason why we were being harassed... being profiled... More officers arrived on the scene -- they finally got us on the ground. I'm laughing (I am a smart ass) -- because whatever, WHATEVER they could conceive charging us with could not have been done by my friend and I. So, with the belief of being innocent firmly embedded in my mind that gave (at least) me lead-way in acting the way that I did and asking the questions that I did. After they had got us on the ground on our stomachs, they placed the handcuffs on us. Immediately they went into our pockets, searching us both. Whatever they found or didn't find -- we didn't know what they were looking for at the time. Now, being handcuffed and them thinking that they "diffused" the situation -- begun to ask us some questions. One being, "How did we get here?" Stupid, yes, I know -- but I told the officer that my friend picked me up from my house and we rode here together -- that we were parked next to the work van that the other employees arrived in. The officers didn't believe us.

That's when it hit us...

Better yet, that's when they told us...

That we were suspect in grand theft auto. I broke out into laughter because they had NOTHING ON US!!! Nothing at all. Hell, they pulled out OUR car keys to OUR cars out of OUR pockets. The nerve of these people, I'm thinking -- they'll surely have to let us go now, because they have nothing on us. That wasn't the case. State Troopers arrived -- for those who are reading do NOT understand -- we were handcuffed at work, in front of strangers whom already declared us guilty in their minds because we were the ONLY two Black people in Brady Lake -- so we HAD to have done SOMETHING. They picked me up and instantly I thought that they were going to Rodney King my boy because of our talking back. By the grace of God, that didn't happen as we were both placed in separate squad cars. While I was in the car -- the Trooper told me what happened...

"Two men who fit your description -- stole a car on Route 225. That car broke down, the engine blew up. They stole another car, this time they wrecked that one. Finally, they got a ride from someone into Ravenna. You both fit their description -- now, one of two things'll happen -- either the witness says that you're not them, and you can go -- or you're the ones and we'll have to keep you here for a few."

I thought the Trooper was bullshittin' -- I mean not only were we WORKING -- our co-workers came up while we were being detained and vehemently said the same sentiments. But to no avail, we were at the State Troopers Station. Now, I'm livid that I am here for something that I didn't do -- on the orders of a man who had a loaded firearm drawn upon me and my friend. They were talking about keeping us there for FIVE HOURS!!! (Later found out that they could've kept us there till Monday just on the suspicion)

The witness somehow came and we stood outside the station and he/she/it said that we're not the ones. (Insert "DUH" here)

The outlook that I had on white people and cops in particular was reaffirmed, true -- these officers were just "doing their job" and protecting and serving. But while they were protecting their honor from being outdone by a few criminals and serving their "justice" to two unsuspecting young men -- WE had to endure an experience that most shouldn't have to go through. Not only did we not get an apology from the Brady Lake "police" -- they couldn't even look us in the eye upon returning to get our car.

In the words of Doc. Dorsey, "I wanna OWN Brady Lake..." I agree with his feelings -- but what I did learn is that you must always stay on your toes, you must always stay ahead of the game because when they try and snatch that rug from underneath you, YOU have to be able to have something cushy to fall back or forward on.

Currently, we seen our attorney who is trying to figure out if we have a case (seems like police have a sort of immunity when it comes to being sued -- something about "good faith"). If we do have a case, trust and believe that we'll be pulling for the fullest extent that we can get in monetary redemption. I sincerely believe that we do have a case because if you read this story back and forth -- you too would say, "I don't see how you COULDN'T have a case..." Well, I pray that this comes true. Bear with me, I'll keep y'all updated.

"Devoid"

2004-08-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

-- August 17th, 2004 --

A recent post entitled, "Black Love, Pt. III" -- was the finale in my thoughts and concerns about Black relationships. But... the apex of a united relationship by Black men and women is through religion. The belief that God, Allah, Jehovah or whatever title you give belief towards will stand by your side through the thick and thin, as you would want your significant other to do as well.

Almost every facet of Black culture is a conduit of "soul" or spiritually of some sort. Why? Because God reigns supreme. That is very true. But what about those "lost" souls that wander the streets at night or even during the day? The ones who feel uneasy in religious surroundings because either they don't fully believe or wholeheartedly trust in the words of Man. Is it because of a misunderstanding of the Word -- not truly just putting all of his or her faith in the belief of a higher power or is it just the sheer lack of self-awareness to see the signs that are pointing you in the direction of a positive calling?

I ask myself these questions, in addition to you, the reader. I am a 21 year old Black male living in Corporate America (my belief is that while a white hand does hold the green dollar, the green dollar decides the playing field) -- and for these past 21 years, I am digressing on the life led and the paths that I choose to follow. This may be my most sincere post -- maybe one of my most soul-revealing.

Growing up seemed like an ever-changing mystery. Full of revolving door friends, close-minded awkwardness amongst classmates, and never really having an understanding of who I am nor where I came from. The specifics would make it even harder for anyone to read but in simple terms -- I felt different. Not in the sense where some guys wish to define their sexuality or why they chose to do heinous acts committed as an adult. I just felt different. Through the years of avoiding confrontation -- because of not feeling strong enough to win, creating an alternate story for myself -- because it seemed like the reality of my life was not on par with the rest of those whom I was surrounded amongst, and being silent, because I felt my voice shouldn't have been heard -- I established a barrier, a wall, that few dared or even cared to climb.

Knowing that, even accepting the fact that people were not only leery of me, I was leery of them -- created a sort of caged-animal-in-the-zoo feeling. Where both parties treaded lightly amongst the other for so long that it became routine. The friendship was false. But the friendship was mainly one sided. See, feeling like a straggler amongst a running pack created a need to detour others to flow alongside my pace. The life led at home wasn't any better -- so, why not? Why not attract others to who I am? Still feeling empty...

A point came in my life where things were running on cruise control -- had established a core group of friends who were there for me and I for them. Confidence grew within my voice and was expressed in my demeanor. Even had a female try and attempt to scale the barrier that I put up as my own Heart's defense. All was crumbling down around me and it felt good again to breathe easy.

With this significant other whom I developed a long relationship with -- I had gone to Church with her, foregoing any experience that I had endured while attending the one in my neighborhood. An experience wished not to be relived. While being there with my S.O. at the time -- it was an eye-opener. Only problem was I wasn't ready to wake up and open my eyes. There were moments when I would feel the words that flowed out of the Pastor's mouth and felt as if he was speaking directly to me. An emotion would cascade over my being -- something that I immediately shook out of my head as being a sign of weakness. Maybe that was a sign of the truth. I have learned that there are events that are shown to those who can't pick up on things subliminally. That was me. Tears would try and flow -- only to be held back by my determination of thinking that, "men don't cry..." God is definitely a connection to Life -- and as my relationship enriched with Him, so did with my S.O. at the time. When I displayed feelings of opposition, the end followed suit. I believe that not continuing my relationship with God ended a lot of things that I have yet to understand. I still feel different.

Is it my blindness to not accept the things being shown to me? Am I a fool for even thinking this? I do not know too many devout people -- the type to praise His name at any chance, to sing in the Choirs, and attend daily in order to hear the Word. When this was presented to me, awkwardly I would look at them because within myself I did not feel that presence. I believed to be empty, devoid of something that I need in myself to really feel whole, complete as a Black Man in Corporate America (which is also devoid, but errected a false idol to keep things in motion). Can a soul be stubborn? Can I figure out my life? Or are the pages already written with the chapter waiting to be turned anew? I still feel different...

"Black Love" Pt. III

2004-08-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

-- August 14th, 2004 --

First off, shouts out to my friend Candace who finally got out of her mom's crib and into her own place. Now, only if I could do the same. Hahahaha!!! Also, shout out to Ms. Harris for continue to strive for achievement in academia.

After coming from Babylon (aka Club Kaos) -- and dropping off my peoples, I began to wonder about the state of Black relationships. Are we, as Black males, on the same level with our female counterparts? Are we advocating interracial relationships by not working out solutions and problems with one another? Do we trust one another? Are these problems or merely obstacles? Is the criteria for the male exceedingly different than that of the Black woman? Do we feel as if there is a future together -- whether be in business, a relationship, or otherwise?

You, the reader, feel free to answer these questions and maybe pass them along...

I once stated to many whom listened to me that I would NEVER be married or have kids. Why? Because I felt that a female would never be on the same level as I am. A part of me still feels that this is true, but I also think that we're not meant to be on the "same" level. Each thing must complete the other, in a sense. I still think, right now, that I'll never be married -- but the reasonings have changed. I assume that I won't get married because the word "love" no longer applies to a relationship. I previously stated that we're a "desensitized, overly-sexual populace" -- which I believe to be true.

Sex is the nature of the game, how it makes us feel, how we place value in us through it has been the stigma of not only Blacks, but seemingly Young America. But the rest of the race of America is not my primary focus. YOU ARE!! So, I implore with you, Young Black America and even Old Black America (if there is such a thing -- everyone is "young" these days, aren't they, Hov?!!?) -- to stand up and recognize the potential in yourselves and the mate that you wish to choose to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with. Look in regards to your surroundings, your home life, hell, if you're in a relationship -- take a look at how well you value its worth. It is worth it for you to continue being a part of it? Is it something that you can see headed towards the future, seeing years pass by a mere memories? Or do you feel that there is a barrier between yourself as a Black man and you as a Black woman? Do you feel that you, as a Black woman, are objectified and not given the proper respect by a Black man whether he be son, boyfriend, husband, or mere passerby? Do you feel that as a Black man that you are respected and given the courtesy as a man to not only make decision but to own up to the responsibility of your actions and feel as if you're treated... like a man?

Whether you do or you don't -- the object of this article is not to have a bleek outlook on the state of Black Love -- it's to determine whether or not the love is still Black? Meaning -- soulful, honest, and true to the spirit of us as African-Americans. Where respect and dignity go hand in hand in not only treating your fellow brethren, but as well as your family. Where honesty and intergrity are not taboo? Where questions like, "Do you have any kids?" or other stereotypical questions are no longer asked because Men say what they say they do and Women do the same?

I long for those times to be a reality, because it hasn't been a part of my generation. I implore you -- love each other, be blessed and stay righteous -- before it's too late. Because being single is solitary -- and no one loves to be alone.

"In Da Club"

2004-08-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

-- August 14th, 2004 --

First, let me start by saying congratulations to my sister for being accepted to Norfolk State University and will be getting out of MY hair soon! (She's leaving tomorrow to go to school) -- Secretly, she's one of the many motivating factors for why I will be leaving this cursed land known as Ohio.

Moving on...

Last night, I went to a club in Cleveland that shall remain nameless. It was a Teen Night, College Night, whatever they had wanted to call it. Fact is, it was packed wall to wall. More men than women, if you ask me... which is NEVER good, if you ask ME! Anyways, I was up there with my crew pollying with the few people who I knew and worked with up in Cleveland and taking in the sights. There has GOT to be something wrong with the food nowadays, there is no way that girls can have what they have now through natural means. So... I'm there, dancing, you know -- doing my thing, and what I was beginning to notice is that we are desensitized to our own plight.

Nothing wrong with having fun -- nothing wrong with getting your dance on, having a few drinks and partying like it's 1999 (I know it's cliché) -- but the things that I saw would make WET: UnCut come to Cleveland and film a music video. Man, I see these chicks (a term loosely used) -- who were a walking contradiction. Had these Bob Marley T-Shirts on, over their panties, right?!!? If you're a guy, like me, I'm thinking, that's sexy -- but reality set in over the course of a few more shots of Henny -- they have the red, gold, green wristbands on with Marley adorning their petite frames... all the while making their booties clap and taking five dollar bills from the oogling natives. And you know what happens when the natives get restless -- sure enough, you had hands clasping thick thighs and rumps, eyes bulging up and down to see if they could "get a peek," a collaboration of shouts from, "Hey, lemme see that clit, Ma," to, "I got this money, bitch, what you gon' do for it." I watched as these Sistas had smiles on their faces as dollar bill got put into pantie line, as hand grasped thigh, as open palm smacked petite booty. It dawned on me -- we are a desensitized, overly-sexual populace.

These guys had no regard for these females, maybe I should've felt guilty because I didn't become vocal about my thoughts then and there, but it was happening right in front my eyes and the shock (or revelation) was immense. I mean, once a prettier, sexier female hopped on the platform to dance and "perform" these guys oogling-attention shifted. These females, whether they knew what they were doing or not, accepted and glorified in the attention that they were given, as well as the money. I mean the esteem was so low that the guys there were trying to break the bank on these women -- pulling out cash to see how "low" they would go. Some did, others watched. But as I took in my surroundings, I didn't like the area, it seemed too familiar, too comfortable. So, for the rest of the night, I didn't dance. I didn't feel like bombarding myself on another female, nor taking the subtle rejection as I ask a female to dance, only to see another guy just creep up on her on the sly -- look back to see if he's cute -- and then freak him on the dance floor. I just kept noticing that I was beginning to feel out of place. It's been like this the last few times that I would go to a club, not just in Cleveland. At first I thought it was because I didn't have the clothes to make a hard enough statement to impress the female species. Then, I thought it was because my personality didn't' t vibe well with the female (I can be a smart ass at times).

I don't know why I feel the way that I do -- mind you, this is not just at "Teen Night" or "College Night" parties, this is even when I go to an "established" night spot. It just feels like it is the same stuff. Have we, as Black People, become so commonplace with our debauchery that when it seems like we're being chivalrous that it is weird or even fake? I mean, after the club ended and the night was done -- all that could be heard from one end to the next was, "Hey you in the Pink," or, "These bitches is stingy," or, "Bitch, come here..." (actual comments heard just on the way to my car). I would not like to think that gone is our respectability amongst our Brotha and Sistas JUST when we're out to have fun. Hate to see what it's like on a daily basis...

Lastly...

Congratulations to my man, Blitz, for making it known out there in NY and Columbus -- the past few weeks were slick, these next few are going to be hella interesting. For those reading, if you haven't heard, "Soul Rebel," you can check out the site @ http://www.reprisalrecords.com -- clicking on a certain spot, you'll be taken to CDBaby.com where you can hear snippets from the album. It's only $10.00 -- SUPPORT REAL HIP-HOP.

"Black Love" Part II

2004-08-09T00:13:00.000-07:00

-- August 9th, 2004 --

Before I get into this post (it's funny how I usually write these late in the night) -- check out this interesting thread about "The Crisis of Black Males". It's truly a good read. Also, another empowering thread about, "The Beauty of Blackness..." is another must-see.

In my first post I professed my love for Black women. In part two of this three part series, I will be discussing my fears and hopes for the relationship between Black men and women. I believe that lack of communication and similar goals between us are a deterrent for why we cannot see eye to eye. We cannot tell one another what is it that we want or feel what is necessary to contribute to a healthy relationship without becoming angry or feeling less of a "man" because our women make more money than you, or becoming an insecure "woman" because of the status that your man worked hard to attain. More Black women are entering into higher education -- it has been like this for at least five to six years, if not longer. Why? It's a two-sided deal. On the one side, White America portrays the Black man as shiftless, lazy, and unable to provide for self. On that end, we, as men, fall into that trap and figure the means of making a living is to make it as "best" we can. Through any means necessary, whether it is a legal hustle or profited from illegal means. But, on the other end -- Black men, themselves, are no longer really motivated to venture onto College campuses (other than to frequent the Black frat/soror party or hype social event). Why?!!? Again, because we perpetuate the stereotype that has been our label since birth.

So, with those differences established -- it's already hard for one to cope with the other when they're on to different levels. Couple that with the death of chivalry, respect and common dignity for the opposite sex and you can see why there is no worth in maintaining a relationship with either Black man nor Black woman.

But I don't want you to think that I see the glass as half-empty, so let me give you a few of my artistic works of poetry to help some people understand that Black Love does exist and that it is there if you work hard for it and work harder for yourself.

"Soul Sincere"
By: K. Clark

No more empty words, hollowed out by the harsh way that I`ve treated you,
Never wanting again to ever hear the pieces of your shattered heart on the floor,
Exhausted from all this tireless arguing,
Lonely at night in an empty bed, longing for my arms to hold you tight,
Missing the silohuette of your frame dancing in front of the candlelight,
Longing for my lips to touch yours,
I know all you need in this World from me is my Love,
Honor and devotion -- I`m ready to give my all to you,
A Man`s promise -- a few words to let you know that my Life isn`t complete without you,
As a part of its plan -- I am so sincere,
So sincere... so... sincere... soul... sincere....
Sincere within my soul to know that it`s not Home without you,
Feeling violated whenever another Woman looks at me -- and I`m without you,
Ashamed that you left the way that you did,
Knowing now that you`re in his arms,
Believing that you loved me a thousand times more,
Sitting in this empty place -- pictures of you and I strewned all along me,
Memories jabbing -- reminding me of the Love that I lost,
Love that he gained -- a mishap that I wish I could take back,
I am not going anywhere -- Love between you and I is stronger than anything that you and him could ever share,
I promise that my Life can`t be lived fully without our Love,
And as I am reminded daily about what I could`ve had in my bed with me tonight,
I will be sure to Love you in the morning,
And forever on -- I know you`ll feel this...
Because we`re soul sincere...

------------------------------------------------------------------

"A Man`s Worth"

Almond brown eyes visualize your essence,
Only wanting to be apart of it -- to fulfill a desire,
Tired of half-hearted promises and empty words,
Exhausted with the tireless searches for Love,
Only to be found in the wrong places,
Ears ravaged from the constant arguments -- but deep inside resonants an inner truth,
You -- a strong Black Woman -- is what keeps me whole,
With feet planted on firm ground,
Eyes staring at the future and arms embracing your spirit close to mines,
Lips willing to speak the Truth to you in the presence of the Lord,
A Heart and Soul yearning to be united in a loving and strong manner with you,
A Man`s worth is measured in the way the Woman is valued,
And not everyone sees that -- sight blinded by the evils that plague us,
Never let your value in us become worthless,
For you are worthwhile -- and for the sake of these words -- you, as all Black Women, are priceless...

"Vote or Die -- 2004"

2004-08-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

-- August 4th, 2004 --

This is my first post of the August month -- hope that you enjoy the read.

VOTE OR DIE -- 2004!!! A slogan created by P. Diddy for his "Citizen Change" campaign. I really believe that this will be the year that the awareness of the corruption within politics comes to the forefront. I applaud Diddy and egomaniacal ass in putting his money where his mouth is (so to speak) and is trying to make an effort in informing the masses about the disease known as Bush.

Don't know if anyone who's reading this watched the Democratic Convention -- I, myself, didn't get a chance to peep all of it. But -- Barack Obama -- I say it again, BARACK OBAMA, looks so promising for a Black People's future, doesn't he?!!? In my opinion, the brotha is qualified to do more than just be a member of the U.S. Senate. But -- the entire Democratic party seems to be vibrant with energy -- they must've all went to go see Farhenheit 9/11 before they came out and delievered their speeches. Go see Farhenheit 9/11 if you haven't seen it -- even if you HAVE seen it, go see Farhenheit 9/11.

I implore you, the reader, to vote this year as if your life depended on it. Hell, if you're below the poverty line, a minority, a homosexual, a woman, shit -- even handicapped, your life does depend on it. The majority is the minority in this issue where only 1% of the populace matters. Bush recently declared from a third party source that terrorists will be again attacking the United States. I pray to God above that this is not true and will not happen. But doesn't it seem like we're living in the United States of Slight-of-Hand Trickery? I mean during the past few years after the dust settled from 9-11-01 (R.I.P. to those who lost their lives) -- that whenever doubt or questions arose the focus was quickly shifted to Saddam or terrorist are threatening to attack this location, or anthrax scares, or some type of diversion. Now, the cases that were proven fact are unfortunate, but -- NOW, with threats of postponing the election for fear of a terrorist attack sound -- in my opinion -- ludicrous!??! Why would an Arab, or Islamic man or woman (for that matter), or Osama bin Laden try and stop John Kerry from taking political office? To justify a reason why Bush should stay as Dictator-in-Chief?!?

This is preposterous -- and the American public will NOT go for this anymore. In every facet of media, et cetera, those who are "progressive" thinkers aren't letting Bush's back-water tactics reign supreme here in the States and abroad. It's unfortunate that your kids and future generations will have to hear stories about how the people put in place to protect you destroyed it all for greed and profit. On the positive note though -- it's slick to see my Black brotha's and sista's ARGUING about politics. It was on the level of how you need to go out and VOTE -- and if you don't you cannot be mad about the end results.

To end this article -- I must say that the Republicans sure know when a good thing ISN'T on their side. I mentioned earlier about Barack Obama -- well, it looks like the Republicans are trying to get a Black Republican (YES, there is such a thing...) -- to run against the Democratic Obama. Either Alan Keyes (he ran for President in '96 and again in 2000) or Andrea Grubb Barthwell are the candidates to run against Obama. Now, this is how that whole "race card" thing applies, in my opinion -- Keyes isn't even a resident of Illinois (resides in Maryland) and would have to move there before the Election. Barthwell lives in Illinois, but she wasn't deep into the politics either. All in all -- I believe that they will not have what it takes to knock Obama off of his high horse now. They (the Republican candidate) only have three or so more months to raise money, whereas Obama has $10-million plus raised for his campaign. Obama has national exposure AND gave the keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention. Meanwhile, you have Keyes who is villified in the Black press for his viewpoints against abortion and affirmative action, and Barthwell -- a relative nobody in the national media's eye.

Good luck, Obama -- hope that he makes the necessary changes. To you, the reader, VOTE OR DIE -- 2004 till Infinity.

"Black Love"

2004-07-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

-- July 28th, 2004 --

"You know what some people put themselves through to look just like you?

Dark stocking, high heels, lipstick, alla that.. You know what?

Without makeup you're beautiful,

Whatcha you need to paint the next face for...

We're not dealin with the European standard of beauty tonight,

Turn off the TV and put the magazine away,

In the mirror tell me what you see,

See the evidence of divine presence,

Women of the, Carribean, they got the, golden sun,

I know women on the continent got it

Nigeria, and Ghana, you know they got it..."

-- Talib Kweli from "Brown Skin Lady"

Before I begin the aforementioned post, I must say that there is some things that you need to read about. On MSNBC.com about Osama's half-brother, interesting post right here. Also, a sort of a call-to-arms about Hip-Hop and it's state of affairs as of lately written by Andreas Hale, right here. Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled post.

I am writing this for you, Ms. Angelou, Ms. Davis, Mrs. Clark, Ms. Scott, Ms. Stone, the images gracing this post -- the unnamed Black women who personify strength and distinguished character. Let me emphasize this for you, the reader, I LOVE BLACK WOMEN!! I love the way they move, walk, talk -- their strength is a magnetic force to my being. You are a continuous inspiration for everything I do (in addition to God -- being first).

I write this for my sister, Jara, Ms. Nina Simone (R.I.P.), Mrs. Louise Davis (my Grandmother, R.I.P.) -- Ms. Lula Mae Johnson (my other Grandmother, R.I.P.), my big sis, Samantha, my homie, Candace. I applaud your intelligence, your constant endurance through the rough times, beautiful smile during the good ones.

The women mentioned above have all in some ways been an inspiration to me. In one way or the other, these individuals have left their impression on me in my appreciation of the fairer sex. In short, the man that I have become and will continue to evolve into will be a result of not only my actions in my own life, as well as my interactions with you. So, I say this to you -- be wise not to fuck with me -- I may be one of the last good men left.

"Ahh... Memories...."

2004-07-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

-- July 23rd, 2004 --

If you who are viewing this right now can see this image -- the story behind this was unique, in my opinion. This picture was taken Fall Semester of 2002 at Kent State University. Myself (in red), my "brothers" -- Jelani and Jabari (Twins), my boy Marquis, Alicia, and some random copycat fellow were all on the way to Renaissance Ball. Renaissance Ball is like a Black Beauty pageant on Campus. It was interesting that year because you get to see Black folks get all dapper-danned up and crisp to the T. Wow -- the girls, ahh... the memories.

At the age that I am, it feels like more should've been accomplished. I am in the company of those who have gone on to enrich their lives in one form or another. I am introducing myself to those who make genuine strides in their own careers and are younger than I am. The air of change is making itself known -- the question is do I take hold of the reigns and see where "it" decides to take me. Successes are born or are they made? Is a question I pose to you, the reader, because I believe that they are made through strenuous trial and tribulation. Over the course of the past few weeks since an incident with the police awhile ago -- my thoughts look at my surroundings. It seems that we're always fighting to find a place in this World -- and those who aren't willing to put up a fight easily get lost. Seemingly, I am beginning to feel that I am living in the "land of the lost". Ever since I crossed the threshold of becoming 18 -- I swear that I have seen the same face over and over again frequenting the clubs, sporting events, or holiday festivals steadily changing in age and appearance, but still the same person. No life, limited accomplishments, a string of disappointments, a seed to take care of, incarcerated -- seems to be the trend of those who were my peers and accompanying students over the past four years in High School. Now, surely, I know what you're thinking, "That's them -- not you, why are you even worried?" Because -- for 19 out of the 21 years that I have been a resident -- not only on this planet -- but here in Ohio, I have been in the same place. Hard not to think that you'll be anywhere else when you've been minimal in your travels, your experiences. A colleague once told me that, "the real test is abroad -- no matter who or what you may have been a Smalltown U.S.A., your hometown, wherever -- the truth is... what do you do when you leave?" Another friend said to me, "I would never give up the life that I had being in a city where it's ever-changing, it makes it so that I always have to stay on my toes and stay... ever-changing." I took those two comments into consideration.

My memories -- my friends, immediate family are all within the confines of a college town, NEVER-changing. Do not get me wrong -- those included are all people who in their own right are doing something for their own benefit and success. So, is it wrong for me to think that my path lies elsewhere? For a while, my fear was leaving these significant people behind -- a fear that they would forget me and things would change. Hence I stayed, becoming a stronger person in some rights, but I can't help but to feel that something else is out there awaiting me.
So, while cherishing memories of the past and now, am I not honoring the future by not tackling what I feel I should be trying to do with myself. Is it wrong to be selfish for one's self?

I love those who love me -- very much. As it may be hard to discern that for some, others know it all too clearly. But... I feel that if I do not venture out into the World and face it head-on, then my state of mind will be limited to what the press shows me through their lens, what papers reports, what "people" determine as ''truth". When all in all, I am searching for my voice, my truth, my ability to craft those talents for myself -- which is a feeling that I am continually faced with while being in familiar surroundings.

Ahh... the memories, one's past, many present, more to come -- but all shall be a memory one day. It's the decisions that one does to affect how that memory is perceived. God bear with me. Friends and family -- support me.

"Who Am I, Who Are You, Who Are We?!!?"

2004-07-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

-- July 22nd, 2004 --

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good quote, isn't it? The belief that what is in our hearts and souls is the only thing that matters during this journey of life that we travel through. I have learned this innately through watching my peers and very interesting people attack life with a ferocious appetite. Could this possibly be what makes Michael Jordan who he is versus Leroy on the block who had the potential to play in the League? What separates you and I from them? Is it the attempt or the follow-through? Focus and dedication? Or who you know? I believe that it's a make up of all those things combined. The failure to take advantage of that is a stigma that so many African-Americans fall victim to. Why? The belief that obstacles restrain you or I from obtaining a goal believed to be too "lofty" to ever really be attained by you or I. The thought of obstacles must be removed from our speech. Yes, harder to say than do -- but if we stop idolizing our "role models" in the Black community and start seeing the road they paved, then the journey shouldn't be too hard -- should it?

Another thought -- what will we, as a populace, leave behind to the next generation? Will the negative be focused upon more than our positive? Will our accomplishments spark a continued trend? What are our accomplishments? Are we being subjugated to just being the athlete/entertainer-type figure?

In a sense, I believe so -- even our political figures are a joke. Jesse Jackson, co-signing on Cosby's comments, yet, since his "incident" hasn't really made any real attempt at making any significant changes. Al Sharpton -- no comment. I only say these two figures because as a society we focus on those most notably seen. In retrospect, these two great men's legacies are tarnished because of their lack of enthusiasm in really representing the Black society. So, who are we? If our "leaders" feel that the job is too much for them to endure -- then who are we to turn to? Ourselves? Outside benefactors?

A few days ago, I was at Best Buy -- browsing through the CDs selections looking for the new Jaylib -- "Champion Sound" CD. I came across this CD that -- I can't remember the title -- but, it had nothing but rebel music. The first song was Huey Newton!!! I mean the historical reverence that that CD has was impressionable to me. That's the kind of CD that gets you mad and want to beat up some white folks. Gone are those type of songs. I mean -- during September 11th -- the only person really within the Hip-Hop community who put out a song about the situation was... MC Hammer!! Remember that? He had the red, white, and blue bandana -- the politicians dancing behind him, doing the Hammer dance? LOL! Well, I mean all that was true except the Hammer dance part.

I got off track.

We are a million black men faceless in the crowd, shrouded by women whose form differentiate from time to time. Children are learning our ways -- so with tomorrow not promised, today set to a time limit -- who am I? Who are you? Who are we? And what will we become when we figure that out.

"I Complete Me..."

2004-07-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

-- July 19th, 2004 --

Solana Pyne writes a very good article about the current situation with the youth here in America and our financial status (or lack thereof). I suggest that if you have some time -- you read it.

I am amazed at myself -- two posts in one day. I am really trying to get my swagger back with this writing. When God gives you a talent, you gotta abuse it sometimes, I guess. :)

It's surprising to see that during the Summer you have more single people walking around than during the Winter months. Figures, hot cocoa can't be the only thing to warm your spirit, heh-heh. I love Black Women. As previously stated -- I thought that I cared deeply (i.e. love) for another. My instincts warned me correct as I figured out that that was not the person for me. Too much hastle, too much everything. Not that everything is bad, it's only that way when it's strictly negative. I am writing this to profess a new type of love -- a love mainly for myself. I feel as though I have yet to become the Man that I see in other people's eyes. I think that I am now comfortable with the idea of really being... single... *gasp* -- Maybe so, but you can't tell me (nor anyone for that matter) -- that not having someone to hold onto into the far reaches of the night DOES NOT bother anyone... because it does...

Maybe I am too vain or too callous in my appreciation of others? Or maybe I have a feeling of self-doubt in the worth of the person who is fighting for my affection. But what I've learned in the (going on...) three years that I have been single versus the three years that I was in a relationship is this -- If I am not willing to put 110% into it, you only get one chance. Why fight a losing battle? Some would call me an ass-hole for thinking and acting that way -- but I beg to differ. I mean, who wants to be with a woman (or man) who constantly nagging you on things that really carry no weight? Who wants to be with someone or show interest to someone who doesn't seem like she's even as half as interested in you as you are in her/him?

Maybe I am asking for too much. I have had in my short time since turning 18 and being single to learn that those who compromise what they deserve for what they desire lose out in the long run. During the course of that time, I have had those who -- in my mind -- fit the bill, those who I thought weren't good enough, and even those who I didn't realize until the door slammed behind them. All in all, I know one thing -- it all happens for a reason. The catch is -- YOU determine the way it unfurls.

The final thought of this is -- I am understanding what the HELL it is that I want for myself. If a Woman cannot understand that and add to this progress -- then she's necessary for someone else. I would totally understand if the roles were to be reversed. It is a progress that I am willing to traverse with someone or by my lonesome... and I'll do it to the best of my ability.

Strong and Dedicated is what I am,
Daring you to beat me to the top is what I say unto you,
Black and Bold is the inner workings of my soul,
Realizing the strength inside of me,
Do you have what it takes to tame me?

"Colors To Die For..."

2004-07-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

-- July 19th, 2004 --

"Chance has never yet satisfied the hope of a suffering people. Action, self-reliance, the vision of self and the future have been the only means by which the oppressed have seen and realized the light of their own freedom. Up, up, you mighty race! You can accomplish what you will."
- Marcus Garvey

It is interesting to see how many people sport this color in fashion without knowing the immensely historic meaning it has to those who represent it, not only proudly, but acknowledging the sacrifices of the past with the purpose of providing a better future.

For those who do not understand or know the history of the RBG Flag and the significance of the colors, please click here -- Flag Story.

In the midst of rabid changes in society, we, as young African-Americans are face with a daunting issue... we are BROKE!!! Maybe it is due to pursuing so many lofty goals and expectations that those are the only things that we concern ourselves with (i.e. cars with flashy rims, shiny jewelry)..? It's funny that in the minds and hearts of most Black folks beats a Warrior or a Princess -- but in the mirror we see images of our former selves. Sure -- we can talk all the "righteousness" and "proud to be Black" talk that we want. But what are we perpetuating? Chains around our neck and wrists, a thirst and greed that even eclipses most Whites and some Jews, a destructive habit hell-bent on being considered self-genocide. We are doing our detractors and enemies a favor, all the while dancing and smiling to the camera. I say this because you ask any Black child these days what they want to be when they grow up -- and the answer will be in the form of some type of entertainer (actor, sports athlete, rapper) -- not to say anything bad about that type of lifestyle. Gone are the days when our history mattered -- we're cashing in our chips to become everything that we stood against in times of old.

The education of our youth (and some adults) is not going to happen unless WE fight for it. The worth and value placed on those who make us enjoy a fantasy versus those who enlighten us to face reality is a travesty. A teacher is more than likely to gross 35-55K -- depending on where they are located -- I for a fact know that my Mother makes in between that ball-park figure. Plus, she teaches mentally handicapped youth. Whereas, a NBA Rookie who signs his first contract for a professional team will gross anywhere from 350-475K in his FIRST YEAR!!!! Why is that?!? Where's the logic? Most countries abroad would scoff at this logic, but then again, most countries would take the money from their athletes and put it right back into the "government" (look at Yao Ming). A friend of my said it best about the morals and values of our country, "How great is my chance of becoming a financially successful and fulfilled adult in anyone's cleverly devised and ever so uncertain future? It's looking slim. I am PISSED!"

So, what is there left to fight for? We, as Black folks, seem so complacent with the times -- we are experiencing a boom in employment, economy is bristling with money, and the education of our youth is in good hands -- sense the sarcasm? What is so funny is that ma'fucka's cannot begin to fathom the seriousness of the situation. You might be sitting here reading this thinking that I need to get off of my "high horse" and just enjoy what we have going for us. But I ask this in rebuttal, "What do we have?" I mean -- most Black youths are looking forward to being unemployed no matter how "qualified" they may be only because of them being a "Faheem" or "Taneisha"... Most Black youth have to smile in the face of their white counterparts as they secretly call them "nigger" or "nigga" due to the music they frequently enjoy in their cars and lofty homes. Why?!!? Because we make it acceptable. We make it for the masses, therefore when it is taken out of our hands, our control -- we end up paying for it in the long run.

So, I say this -- with our Black women being degraded and generalized as being bitches, hoes, skeezers... with our Black men being put in prison, murdered in the streets, leaving behind families, unemployed, uneducated, and uninterested -- and our younger generation following in those footsteps -- I ask... "What will you fight for?" "What will you die for?"

"A Generation's Despair"

2004-07-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

-- July 12th, 2004 --

"Either you're sellin' crack rock or you have a wicked jump shot..."
- Notorious B.I.G.

FUCK RAP MUSIC... Long live the awe-inspiring power that is Hip-Hop. What our generation is experencing is the decay of a once-great nation. We are, and have been for the past decade or so, steadily declined into a state of mindless slaves. Free, yet chained to the influence of White America and its stranglehold on our culture -- using its influence to capitalize on every viable endeavor that we embark on. The reason why I am digressing on the state of Black affairs is because we are a dying people, but a rising commodity in White America. Our style of music, once branded as a trend or a fad, is now playing in McDonald's commercials. Gone are the days of our music's mysteriousness. In correlation to our continuing plight as an ailing people, I state the obvious -- we are a faux image of what we should be. In the eyes of White America -- we'll be nothing more than a traveling minstrel show, perpetuating our own negative images onto ourselves. More of our Black men are more interested in pursuing wealth, acceptance into White American mainstream, than going to College, helping their people get into a higher forms of education. Why are we missing the point? We are celebrating the ones who are imprisoning us to stereotypical slavery. Not saying that Jay-Z, Lil Jon, and others are symbolism of evil -- but they are tools or pawns of some kind. There is no balance or foot rooted in the realism of today. Black males are behind in educational and financial growth. Our generation contributes to over 80% of the United States economic wealth -- only thing is that that figure is the amount spent on materialistic pleasures. In a recent post at, "The Cocoa Lounge; 'Blacks Don't Read'," it was stated that Blacks are ignorant, selfish, and greedy. Sentiments stated by a "white" man -- but with valid reasoning. So, to say that I wasn't upset is an understatement. It alarmed me to the fact that while our youth is seeing "Tip Drill" and "not giving a damn or a fuck," we're going by as if nothing is really wrong -- happy... smiling, grinning for the camera. Now, I, for one, am not about to condemn my people without offering some solution. But this is a diary entry -- not a public forum of discussion. So... I'll save that for another time.

I applaud Bill Cosby for his recent statements and furthermore advocate more of our younger "hipper" entertainers to step up and reinforce these sentiments. Why?!!? Because as the Cos was "America's Favorite Father" in my younger days, he is now this younger generation's Grandfather. So, to have a Mos Def or Jay-Z to continue to advocate for the changes necessary for our economic, spiritual, and educational survival would be a welcomed changed than being vilified by our peers as "the lazy generation" or by Bill O'Reilly as, "incapable of assimilating into competitive society." All in all, I feel that correct English should be a requirement for our youth to understand and speak fluently. We are "natives" here, ladies and gentlemen -- our tongues do not sway into foreign waters. Now, I understand that amongst ourselves, whether that be in the guise of music or other entertainment venues (i.e. movies, t.v.) -- I can understand the hipness of "Ebonics" or "Slanguistics," but when I interview a brotha coming out of a University with a degree, I expect to hear an intelligect young man with viewpoints that reflects his years of education. Not a mind conjoined to the lyrics of, "Whistle While You Twerk," trying to get a position in my company.

I want our people to prove our doubters and conspirators wrong. To become a strong, unified front against those who wish to throw rocks at the throne. We are the trendsetters, the innovators and creators of everything that makes this country vibrant. Let us not plummet to the depths of flirting with extinction through means of numbing our creativity -- limiting us to being strings on marinets with White hands corrupting our actions and stifling our growth.

"Currently Understanding Things... Slowly..."

2004-06-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

-- June 21st, 2004 --

"Nothing's new under the Sun..."

Love. Life. These two things go hand in hand. I mean it can be said that one without the other causes a drought in one's being. Think about it? How many times do people search for love or a "significant other" in their life? But why does it have to be necessary for there to be someone in your life, in order for you to live? Artists, musicians, celebrities, regular day-to-day folks all have that one thing in common -- Love. Losing it, working hard for its attention, dying for it, fighting tooth and nail for the recognition of its beautiful reward.

Would I say that I file into this category? Yes and no. I mean, as much as I would like to defy the norm at any compacity, I admit -- being alone sucks ass! Even though, these days and times, people are more prone to give it up at the drop of a hat... or is it dollar bill...? I have to say that even with that type of satisfaction being offered (sometimes necessarily, most times unwarranted) -- I'm still lonely. The reason why I offer my thoughts on Love is because I have experienced a few setbacks in my struggle with trying to attain the coveted prize. I recently visited a woman who has been my rib -- and have left changed.

I have been there for this woman at every possible avenue -- offering money when needed, advice at most, but I have been there. Our friendship flourished -- and not by chance, mostly through hardwork and sheer honesty. Well, upon the trip -- the whole goal was to be by her side, especially since I didn't hear from her during her most traumatic experience. Once I got there and saw her -- she was different... aged... as if the time spent going through the motions was a turmoil. Noticing this relatively young woman fighting a war, not only inside of her soul, but amongst others with whom she was attached to through the birth of her daughter -- was a heartache, something that I more accustomed to deal with over the phone rather than in person. But being there in person left me wanting. Wanting to know what was on her mind, wanting to be able to decipher her nuances and administer a diagnosis to her faults and shelter her from the trappings of unrealized possibilities, continuous struggle and mental anguish.

But to no avail, I couldn't help. That's where I felt the indifference. I mean, not to sound standoffish, but, this is a woman who I felt and still feel like she's the one who most clearly understands me. But after being around her and seeing the same things happening when I was around her last I had to re-tool my thinking. I mean... what Man likes to see the Woman of his affection always giving attention to the phone? Especially, if you don't see the person on a daily basis. That was and is my gripe about anyone I may be "interested" with -- if you are going to be knowingly busy or not able to give ample time to me, then TELL ME! Nothing is more annoying to be wanting to talk to someone while they're busy talking to someone else on the phone. Worst when you've driven over two-hundred miles to do so. In the back of my mind and the forefront of my heart, something was amidst. During the nights spent with her it was also evident of a change in the climate of our relationship. Yes, she's still honest and she's still loving and affectionate to me -- which speaks volumes knowing how she is concerning others in her life, but -- I want more. Is that wrong? I mean, we are as much alike as we are different (and there is not too much different, besides age and other things). I don't even want to be selfish sounding because I KNOW the trials that she goes through. I understand the battles that she has ahead and the constant struggle that she goes through that would make me want to slit my wrists. So, I applaud her charisma during the rough times, give her criticism when she feels that she is the best, and love her through the hurting times. But I feel like I'm the one giving... sometimes too much in my opinion. Coupled that with the fact that I lost out on knowing that someone truly liked me for me, through all my imperfections and really wanted to be with me, makes me look at this current situation even more skeptically.

Did I make a wrong decision? I mean -- a part of how I acted towards this other woman was because of how we first hooked up, as well as, how I feel/felt about my "rib". This "other" woman wasn't and isn't (at least right now) at comparable to my "rib". It can only be stated that she was more intent on getting me -- the object of her affection. Yes, I'm bragging lightweight -- but I made it known that I didn't want to "be" in a relationship. Partially, because I was waiting to see if my friendship/relationship with my "rib" would or could blossom into something more concrete. More labelled, I guess.

Labels -- kind of off subject, but we live in a World full of them. Modern jazz, Conscious Hip-Hop, et cetera. Are they a good thing? Or are labels used to confine and restrict the boundaries of things that we are apart of?

To summarize, with my "rib" I've experienced some of my most unparalleled joys and have been close to three-hundred miles apart from her. With my "stray" -- I have been close to, but not willing to let her in too deep with me because of my fears about trust and with the memory lingering of how we got together -- so does that mean that I am wrong or unsure about what I want? Or do I know and won't settle for anything less?

"Revolution In Print"

2004-06-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

-- June 16th, 2004 --

This is my first of, hopefully many, posts to give you -- the reader -- an insight into my workings of being a young, Black, and gifted twenty-one year old male who currently resides in the Midwest.

Startling, as I begin to write this diatribe I am watching a special on, "Why O.J. Won," on A&E. Now, seeing as how the program just began, I'll save my comments for after the program airs... BUT... seeing as how people have been all enthralled in the 10-Year Anniversary of the "Trial of the Century." My personal thoughts are of confusion. Why, you ask?! The reason being I was in grade school when this trial was originally taking place, so my conscious was not being fed daily doses of reality by my parents in rural Ohio. Nor was it enhanced by being in a Catholic-stronghold known as my elementary school. But I digress, at that young age -- my only symbiotic union to this man known as O.J. Simpson was that we were both Black (i.e. African-American, Negro, Colored, whatever we are right now...) -- So, feeling compelled I had to root for someone who's odds seemed sooooo... insurmountable. Now, when O.J. won -- I admit I was just happy to see the Brotha get off! Even when Nicole Simpson's fam tried to bleed O.J. dry, by taking him for all he's worth -- I thought, "Well... it's not right, he was found NOT GUILTY, why are they taking his money..?"

But, now, ten years later -- I think that maybe, JUST maybe, O.J. had a part to play in it. He may have not committed the act with the knife, et cetera., but I think that is a secret that he knows all too well what the truth is about what may or may not have happened that night. I mean, what man in his right mind commands a different monetary fee for interviews. Cashing in on a crime that you weren't guilty of... for what?!!? I mean, I would leave it alone, let it stay buried -- ESPECIALLY if I am NOT GUILTY of the murder charges that were headlining my name. Looking back, O.J. didn't exhibited nothing like an innocent man who just lost his wife prematurely. No outrage, no threats towards an unknown suspect, just a passive Black man who had a passport with a white Bronco, a suicide note, and a high-speed chase with Johnny Law.

We, as Blacks, stand proudly and firm alongside our fallen celebrities (i.e. Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, Kobe Bryant) -- we necessitate our love for them and proverbially "ride or die" for them. True, we have our detractors -- but for those who worship the idols of BET and TRL -- we, the faithful, stand steadfast behind those who have given us lifetime of memories. Are we as bad as those who speak praises of Ronald Reagan, when we all know better? Are we as bad as those who will elect a man who started beef with everyone in the WORLD and highlight him as a "man amongst the American public"?!!? I wouldn't say that we are.

But with O.J. firmly placed in this generation's grade-school history books, Kobe, Michael, and Robert gracing our TV screens through award shows, NBA Finals, and music videos, are we really that different?