Sunday, May 29, 2005

"The End Is Just The Beginning..."

-- May 30th, 2005 --

Happy Memorial Day to all those who celebrate the occasion. War is not a beautiful thing at all. Too many soldiers dying for a cause that very few believe in. Yes, those men and women are doing their duty, but in the words of System of a Down -- "Why must they send the poor?" Bush is a coward -- for how big he talks, would he have the grapefruits to strap up and duke it out with the big bad terrorists?!! Just food for thought.

Life is a series of mistakes, opportunities, blessings, and fun all blended into a beautiful montage that only lasts as fast as you can blink. I am not a saint, never claimed to be -- only know that I can learn from my mistakes and change my path. What I seen this weekend is that I love Love. I am growing up. Yes, I know -- kind of late, to be 23 more sooner than later and not grown is kind of late blooming, but... better late than never. Family is more important to me than ever. My girlfriend's mother was talking about how her youngest grandson considers me family and whenever to conversations are such -- he interjects my name into the convo. (Good looking out, nephew... only two and you ridin' for those you love, that's a good sign) -- I was looking at this day with a fresh pair of eyes, new senses coursing through my veins. In the end, I saw it as a new beginning -- I love my family... as a whole. Sitting there in the plush seat, being in the company of good people, I thought back to my mother -- wondering what it is that she's doing. Feeling bad that she may be neglected. Not knowing if anyone is there for her. My father works, my sister is not in town, and I am spending my time with my girlfriend's family. She doesn't deserve that -- to be alone. Hell, no one does -- but it's a tug-of-war that I wish never was.

The situation that put things in place where they are is not really the issue -- the point is that they're engrained to the limit where it's concrete. I hate what it is. Dwelling on it now I cannot believe that this is where I am at -- especially at the true "beginning" of my life (which is so beautiful). A cookout could've been had in unison if certain components weren't missing. Ahh... I'm getting off track. Yes... I love my family. Both my own and the one that I wish to be a part of. The only feeling of the blues I have is that neither one can experience the happiness that I have inside for both parties. Will those circumstances that keep those apart ever change? I honestly think not. Sorry, I don't mean to down y'all -- let me get to the nitty-gritty. Today, I felt a part of a collective -- a feeling that I normally do not have when I am in my own residence. Slowly and surely, times are a-changing at my crib as well. The relationship between Ma Dukes and I is getting back to a respectable plateau. Not saying it was on no Ike/Tina biz -- but seeing eye to eye was not our strong characteristic.

I see this only as an end to the immature, irresponsible lifestyle of Mr. Clark... and the beginning of the growth, beautification, mature, responsible, loving legacy of Mr. Clark.

I will leave you with this -- "My dreams shall flourish and my heart shall rise -- in my mind anything is possible. I am grateful for my life. I am blessed to have love. I am who I am, because of God -- and it is His will to make sure that I be the best that I possibly can."

Amen.

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