Sunday, February 20, 2005

"Sincerely Yours"

-- February 20th, 2005 --

I can be an asshole at times. Hell, I can be an asshole a lot of times. Shit, I am just an asshole. Is that looking at myself negatively. I don't think so. It's just that I let my emotions be my judge of situations, instead of my mind. You know how Jay-Z says, "Love them with my mind, not your heart..." Guess I should listen to the God MC.

I pray for God to lift that from my heart -- especially when I am dealing with those I love. It weird, I'm not too much of a believer in the all-power of Zodiac signs... but I feel as those I have a Scorpio's wrath with a Gemini's twists. Bad sounding, ain't it...? All in all, I love the people who love me. To someone specific (G.P.) -- I love you with all my heart, soul, being, left and right thumbs, anything else that you want is yours.

My friend Danya and I had this conversation, similar to the one myself and G.P. had. I'm going to call it "Status and the Male Ego".

Danya said that when a woman becomes successful it's not really too much trouble in a relationship because a woman, if in love with a man, is in love with that man and no matter what successes she's had she is going to stick with that man. Because men are genetically predisposed to going after women. So, since it's an availability -- she has no need to really chase or go for it. Lessened by the fact that her man has been there since she was dirt broke working from the ground up -- she's more prone to stand by your side.

When it comes to men though, most women (if not all of them) worry about us and being successful. Not in a sense of a man making more money, but the appearance of the dreaded groupie.

Yes!! The groupie -- this beastly animal has been known to break up many a happy home. A skeez who likes to skeet-skeet-skeet from the window to the wall wants a successful man to add to her belt. The belief that when a man becomes successful or highly visable in positive settings it attracts eager ladies willing to become a one-night bedfellow. Something to brag about, I guess. But women feel that they become less of what they were when other women start trying to file their applications. I understand that belief. I mean it's hard when the panties are being thrown at your man 24/7. Harder if you don't know if your man is pulling them off or fending them off like they were killer bees.

It is hard when we live in a nation of excess, materialism, and sex to have strong men who can turn their backs on that. I see a young brotha, like myself, struggling to make it in this land of milk and honey -- going broke at that. Or even a person who doesn't have a pot to piss in for that matter and you got rappers and athletes either talking about having too much money or not having enough to support their family (Latrell Spreewell's bitch-ass). So, while living in a weak society, I understand a female worrying about a potentially successful brotha dippin' in the pudding bowl.

To G.P. -- you do not have to worry about me. I know what the deally-o is, Babe. I am sincerely yours. You are a key component in my success now and later on in my life. I know where home is. Or to better say, I know what side my bread is buttered on. Heh, heh, heh! In this world, you need someone who is going to be honest and keep it real with you. But, it's also a life full of progress. I am making considerable progress given my past. With this progress, I have been building from the ground floor up, and you have been right there alongside. In the future, you'll be there for my ups and my downs, my failures and my successes. I am a strong Black man standing beside an equally strong Black woman. I need you to be that for me and understand that I am yours sincerely. Yours exclusively. No one has a claim to the secrets that you and I share, the intimacy, anything -- your name alongside mines states that empathetically.

G-Money -- I can only say it, you have to understand and believe that in your own heart. I am here for you, not going anywhere, I love you. I support you in whatever you want to do.

Sincerely yours... glad to be yours sincerely...

"It's Good To Be Young..."

-- February 20th, 2005 --

Not trying to say that there is anything wrong with you old-folgies, but, it's a beautiful thing to be young. Youthful exurberence, a twinkle in your eye that shows that you're curious about what goes on in the world.

This post won't be long. All I'm saying is be on the lookout for BIG things to continue to happen for the two-double O-five. :)

Monday, February 07, 2005

"Challenges of Life"

-- February 7th, 2004 --

I am a grown ass man. Funny, that for the past four years since turning eighteen that going into my twenty-second year that I would make these strides into my life. It's hard when you are worried about failing. It makes you stronger... or does it? I mean I can throw balls to the wall just like anyone else when push comes to shove, but, can I really be a success in a place where the mere object of living there IS to be successful (LA, Chicago, or New York -- take your pick...)...?

Being in a relationship is a unique experience. I didn't think that I would honestly be in this predicament again. It is kind of frightening. Why you may ask? Because I am responsible for another person's heart -- that is a heavy load to carry. If somewhere down the line I act irresponsibly, then -- who's to blame? She gets hurt and that pain lasts a long time till the next person comes along playing troubador trying to get her to love again. Those shoes I have filled and added a couple of inches while being with her -- if you get my drift... And I am not in this relationship to hurt her or see her cry.

As a Black man living in the 21st Century (where's the Jetson cars at?!!?) -- it's increasingly painful to see that responsibilities take a backseat to selfishness and profit. Men cheating on women and vice versa -- all in the pursuit of not wanting to be really be responsible for another person's being. In a sense, being selfish because they're only looking out for self. In this time of racial tensions, war, deficits -- why AREN'T we looking towards each other for some sort of support and appreciation for our being while we're still here on this Earth? The female friends I do have continue to complain about how they can't find any good men who are on their level. Or even those type of Brotha's who will even give them a chance to be in their life, while the man is off looking for a video chick?

All of this is disturbing and I don't mean to get into a rant (insert Dennis Miller here) -- but I don't want to get off tangent about what this post is supposed to be about -- ME.

I used to be in love with a woman who was in love with me -- typical love story. My first everything. Long story short -- that was a dream deferred. Before it continued to grow into its status of being a nightmare, I abandoned ship. Spending the next three years or so to myself, dating, and continuing to grow and mature into the man you see today. For those who frequent my BLOG -- you know that I was searching -- albeit, in vain -- for a soulmate, for a Sista who complimented me in everyway. It was like when you got cockroaches and the light is on -- no one was in sight when it came to women. So, I eventually stopped. A sabbatical. No women. No dates. Nothing. ...Then she came into the picture.

Without going into the details, she's the one who I'm with now. I enjoy the time that we spend together. I invited a feeling into my life that I thought I wouldn't have again. Along with that comes some fear. Not necessarily doubt, but fear. What if time passes and she isn't happy? What if she cheats? What if I do? What if the relationship doesn't work? Having invested so much into already -- time, love, committment, money -- it's hard when you don't reap the benefits. A broken heart is a living death. When you love again -- it is a resurrection of some sorts. I have been resurrected with the single touch of her lips pressed against mines. The work I have done in the last three months has been in a major part to a challenge that I felt that she was issuing me through her accomplishments. I love this woman. I am proud of her. But as a reformed cynic -- old habits are somewhat hard to break.

Like the aforementioned what if's -- there is also the challenge of maintaining the essence of the relationship. It is a constant reminder of why you're doing this -- keeping this person happy. Reinventing the relationship, they would say. Because the reason of why most things fickle is because they've exhausted the possibilities (what Larenz Tate movie is THAT quote from?)... Frustrations, differences, miscommunications -- all these things are going to happen from time to time -- but what happens if time runs out. All these factors do not have answers unless they actually happen. But as a man who is getting older, wanting to settle down (yes, at 22 -- life is hard alone, and it's stupid trying to jump to person to person, trying to see what works...) -- the need to make sure that the selection I have made pans out and vice versa.

The challenges of life are a consistent circle that remains a constant. For example, by handling your business you are able to get through most things relatively quickly -- homework, work on the job, etc. If you do that well enough, you'll court the fancy of a young female onlooker who believes that that is a key essential in being with a man. Now, as a young man and woman in a relationship -- you both must handle your business together and apart in order for your life lived in unison works fluidly. Hardships are a part of that -- nothing is for free, but, if you handle your business... in the end it should all work out, right?!!

I am a Black man in a loving relationship, where my girlfriend thinks the World of me and doesn't see anyone in her sights. A cynic would say that it can only last for a certain amount of time, then she'll smarten up. A realist would say that if things happen to break up the relationship, then, it wasn't meant to be. A REAL Black man would say that I love this woman and I'd be damn if I let a great thing out of my grasp.

The question is... how do you stand up to the challenges?

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

"The Year of The Great" (2005 & Beyond!!!)

-- February 1st, 2005 --

I told you!!! I told anyone who would listen. I am the town crier about this shit! 2005 would be the year that I come out and overshadow any and everyone who decides to step into my stratosphere. I am not out here trying to toot my own horn; because I am more humble than that. But I am going to say that I am hustling for a cause that I believe in.

Today was supposed to be the interview with Kweli, but I was slighted on that, which I wasn't too happy about. All in all, Kweli came to my school to speak during the first day of Black History Nanosecond. He was cool as far as his presence being there, but his commentary was sincerely lacking. I think that this is what our Black United Students allotted their money for -- to get Talib-fuckin'-Kweli. Like I said, he wasn't bad -- just wasn't the edutainment quality of say a KRS-ONE or a Chuck D, the latter who has also spoke here at KSU. Without going into too much of the dialouge -- Kweli spoke about his relationship with Mos Def, Hip-Hop, and his beliefs concerning the activism in the genre. A lot of his points were interesting, but most seemed to stemmed from just his occurrences with (insert rapper's name here) or (insert comedian's name here), so on and so forth.

Put it like this -- I overstayed my welcome because I ended up missing out on American Idol... AND it was the episode where they were in Cleveland.

Aside from Kweli -- the reason I put that picture up at the top is to show y'all how good a couple we look. Giving Will and Jada a run for their money.

Speaking of money -- been making very little of it. But the immense experience that I have had these few couple of months will be worth its weight in gold once my talents are recognized. Aside from the Jean Grae interview and the attempted Talib Kweli piece, your favorite neighborhood blogger is going to speak to Slim Thug (...yay...), Mr. Stab-A-Nigga -- Young Buck, NFL Tight End (and KSU Alum) -- Antonio Gates, and lastly not least, want to compile a piece about Harlem's own -- Danya Steele.

Each story is very interesting. Through these means, my talents will grow and mature into something that will be very beneficial to my career and entertaining to you, the reader. A new venture I am working on will be coming on the way -- more as that develops. Also, be on the lookout for -- a new online publication brought to you by Panama Jackson and Co. I am a staff writer for them, and as soon as I know anything further about it -- those who view "Revolutionary Thoughts" regularly WILL know as well.

Also, trying to learn moreso about film -- I know nothing is better than having experience, but this is Ohio that I live in. So, if anyone has any type of advice or connects that they're willing to share, please feel free to hit me up whenever you get the chance to. Either here or at my e-mail address.

Finally, I would like to send a special shoutout to my Lady Love. The pictures came out lovely, don't you think. You're my partner both personally and business-wise. This is a year set for us to work hard and toil to strive for something to be had in excess for 2006. I Love You.

Also, a note for those who wish to throw rocks at the throne. K-Star the Great and G-Money the Diva are a commodity, not something that you can just separate through speculation and he-say, she-say nonsense. That type of thing hasn't happened, but I'm going to just point out the fact that I understand that your momma may have taught you, "if you ain't got nothing nice to say, then don't say nothing at all.." BUT -- If you are approaching another man's woman, and he is right there -- have the respect, HELL, the common decency to say either what your problem is to the brotha OR... OR... just say, "What's up?" and keep it moving.

Aimed at someone specific... if you think it's you, then congratulations!!!! You won yourself a cookie!