Saturday, December 18, 2004

"What's Really Real..?!!?"

-- December 18th, 2004 --

"What makes her human? We know lots of good things about her; I want to know what makes her real."

Good question. My thought on that is that I think those things that I spoke about in "Speechless" ARE what makes her human, what makes her genuine, and real... You would like to speculate that this is mere infactuation or the notion of since I have not been in a relationship for said amount of time that the idea of being with someone who suits my needs (or criteria) is all that I am looking at right now.

I disagree. I mean -- everyone wants their relationship to be drama-free, exempt from lies and situations that seems to hinder every relationship. We have not came to that iceberg, yet. I pray that we don't ever come to that point. Yes, she has flaws, just like I do. But the key is not in our differences, but in our similarities and how we benefit from those being unique between her and I. What's real in my eyes and heart is the change that she's implemented in my being since meeting and getting to know her. Not the type where she's the nagging old lady who says that I have to do this.. "or else," but she's the type who's past has shown me that I have the ability to do the same. It's kind of like what my friend Blitz said after we parted ways from doing business together. He asked me what am I going to do, what is my plan for five years down the road...? Because he was going to continue to do what his passion called of him and wasn't going to stop just because I was no longer a part of the ride. As anyone would do in that predicament. But I see that time is no longer on one's side and that if you are to preserve some sort of legacy that you must make sure that all angles are covered.

I cannot blame my parents for my shortcomings -- even if they are responsible. Because I am a grown man -- if I do not utilize my power to change my destiny, then what am I to become -- an empty vessel? I cannot blame my place of residence for not being able to experience anything outside the confines of Ohio -- because I have the means and the drive to do so. In part, this is her doing because of the sheer enthusiasm that she has for culture. Something that I've mildly been interested in and never afraid to try. She has coerced the Jay-Z/'Pac in me to come out and attack the World. A feeling that has been brewing in me before introducing her into my life, but, when you become a partner in a relationship -- you have the feeling or the want to make sure the person that you are to be with can feel secure in knowing that you WILL handle your business. I have always been the underdog. Too skinny, too short, unlikely to survive the "real world," not strong enough, just has the potential... I have had few in my corner willing to represent for who I feel that I truly am and have it be the same that they see in my persona. She does. A feeling that I would hope grows more and more with even endeavor that we choose to be a part of.

I like her really hard -- and with that feeling, I'm not looking to fall on my face, dig?!!? I've never had a short-term goal when it came to being in a relationship. So, to answer the question, I choose to believe that the comments highlighted on the "Speechless" piece is an accurate portrayal of who she is -- we don't argue, we compromise. Differences aren't meant with seething criticism, they're either worked out, or let go because it's not that important. I trust her now more than I trust most people who've been in my life for years. They are only a handful of people who I can say holds that must respect from me. Until things happen that chinks her armor, I am happy, what's really more real than that?!!?


Blogger MissInterpret said...

Your big sister approves the girl. (Been a long time since I have approved of a girl you date.) I am happy that you like her "real hard." You are someone who can use a break from the negative side of relationships. So please enjoy this time and appreciate it! BEZ

December 29, 2004 at 12:05 PM


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