Tuesday, October 19, 2004

"Dazed & Confused"

-- October 19th, 2004 --

I feel like there is this big inside joke being told throughout the Black women community in regards to something pertaining to me. Not like everyone is laughing at me, hardy-har-har -- but it seems like I cannot get the ones who I'm interested in. This joke must not have gotten to ALL the Black sistas because the ones who I know I'm not remotely interested in all find a way to try and hit me up.

Do I not fit into the mold of what most females want in a Black man nowadays? I mean, unless it's totally out of wack -- I would think that Women would want a man who is single (meaning no past girlfriends or relationships that happen to creep up), no kids, educated, in college, has his own transportation, and has a good personality. Now... if I have been led to believe that these aren't some of the criterias that most Black women want in a Man... then... by all means, feel free to tell me where I've gone wrong. What I have come to notice is that when dealing with me -- most Women are comfortable expressing themselves. Why? Because I at least try to attack the issue from a male and female perspective (the females usually offer their own insight).

Is it because I don't fit into a-typical role that most females want to have on their arm? I'm not the 6-foot-5, 280 lbs. of muscle, with the big brown, Tupac Shakur eyes. Hell, I'm not even the Taye Diggs frame, even though we may have the same height (I heard the Brotha is indeed short). I love who I am. I think that I am the shit -- that can only get better. (LL Cool J Starter Kit, I tell ya.)

I am tired of playing messenger to a couple who don't have the balls to figure it out for themselves. Exhausted with knowing all there is to know about a certain person, only to get put on the back-burner for someone who's past is as shady as the darkside of the moon. Disappointed that I can be the right type of person for someone in almost every sense of the word -- but fall short on some unnamed checkpoint on their list for a "good Black man". Is it stressful, somewhat? Not to the point where I'm losing sleep wondering why said-Sista doesn't find my company to be the one in which she wants to keep. But it is sad... Why? Because of all the "complaints" about there not being any good Black men or being in situations where you know the Brotha isn't any good -- that by taking a chance with me would be a welcomed change.

Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I'm not going to be on every Sista's "to die for" list -- I know there are some things that will never garner a woman's fancy. Whether that be materialistic, spiritual, or otherwise -- in some ways I will never measure up to a Black woman's standards. But let my actions speak candidly for me before assessing that I am not the one that you want.

It perplexes me to see that others can live their life so freely when it comes to a myriad of things -- sex, commitment, et cetera. Meanwhile, I have to sit idly by only because those who I choose to be interested in don't fancy me the same. So, amidst the confusion -- I am deciding to take a sabbatical.

Yes... a vacation if you must say so... To do what is best for me. Travel, continuing to write (not just in this journal), working out -- whatever it may be for me to do what is best for me until I'm ready to return to the forray. Ladies... I'm out like the Lakers in the Finals... better yet, I'm hangin' it up like Jordan. Hopefully when/if I return -- things would've changed. But a good friend of mines said it best... "Ain't nothing new under the Sun..."

So, I bid you adieu...

P.S. -- For those who may or may not understand -- the reason why I have Larenz Tate is to emphasize what woman may/may not think is attracted versus myself.


Blogger Emily said...

Hi, You should Check This Out. Get a Free Flatscreen TV or LCD Monitor. Just click on link to find out more. FreeFlatScreen

October 19, 2004 at 11:31 PM

Blogger kiesha said...

"the ones who I know I'm not remotely interested in all find a way to try and hit me up."
that is the story of my life. anyways be patient, the right one will come. hmmmm maybe i should be giving that advice to myself.

October 20, 2004 at 3:49 PM

Blogger K-Star said...

Kiesha --

Why is that the case? I mean I can honestly say that when I AM looking, I am really only looking in one direction -- so I'm not the type to jump onto everything that may attract me. I am very picky about who I would like to spend my valuable time with. But someone these birds keep flocking to me.

That isn't the image that I want to carry over... what type of catz try and get down on your team?

October 20, 2004 at 11:28 PM

Blogger Jamille said...

Some girls still want a "thug" in their lives. They (and I've heard this from some of them) think that the educated ones are bourgeois and too stuck up? I can't get that though. I thought that they would want someone who has some kind of fucking ambition and not a man who is a full-time street chemist.

I guess that's life though, but you'll find that sophisticated, beautiful young lady one day... just wait for her. AND DON"T SETTLE FOR NO GHETTO CHICK!

October 21, 2004 at 4:22 AM

Blogger K-Star said...

Why does intelligence have to be compared to being soft or weak? I mean -- I wrote a article awhile back here about how "Thug" has become the new definition for a good man nowadays.

Think about it -- take away the drug schemes and money laundering and what are women asking of the thug -- security, protection, a man full of confidence, strong-willed and minded...

October 21, 2004 at 8:09 AM

Blogger kiesha said...

I don't know why this is the case. Sometimes I wonder if it's a matter of perception - the whole want what you can't have phenomenon...or opposites attract...I wish I knew. I personally don't like to be bothered with immature, manwhore-ish, drug-dealing, ignorant men but unfortunately they are the ones who always seem to think I'm the one for them and I don't know why. Then I'll meet someone who is intelligent, strong, ambitious without having a bourgeois attitude, attractive, has integrity and he'll be on some "I'm not ready for a relationship" or he'll have a sweet tooth for chickenheads. Its frustrating.

"'Thug' has become the new definition for a good man nowadays."
I've been saying that for some time now as well.

"Think about it -- take away the drug schemes and money laundering and what are women asking of the thug -- security, protection, a man full of confidence, strong-willed and minded..."
That is the truth. Ironically the girls who go for the thug types don't even realize that.

October 21, 2004 at 9:36 AM

Blogger K-Star said...

...Until it's too late... WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY too late.

That's why the sabbatical is in place, Sistas. Until I see someone who is worth my attention. I can be the Oprah Winfrey of the Literary World. :)

October 21, 2004 at 1:27 PM

Blogger Jazz said...

"But let my actions speak candidly for me before assessing that I am not the one that you want."

"the ones who I know I'm not remotely interested in all find a way to try and hit me up."

Brother, you are doing the same thing. You could possibly be missing out on a potential love interest by

#1 being interested in someone who is apparently "sleeping on your skills" (overlooking what you have to offer - for the HIP impaired)

#2 trying to fit someone in a mold and being "too picky" (STILL NO GHETTO CHICKS) but then again,....ghetto chicks need love too. (teehee)

I'm just saying,...you are young. Would ya stop it with the seriousness already? Have some fun. You will have a girl working your nerves soon enough.

October 21, 2004 at 8:36 PM

Blogger Ivana said...

Hmm. I think I'm in a similar situation *but you already know that* Do what you do and get at me if you'd really like to figure out how I tick (sweetnes(at)gmail).

October 27, 2004 at 3:20 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home